But why is he visiting his ex if his kids are grown?
V'
His D left her home to go and study last year. But she hated it (she was pushed into it by her mum) and lasted a term. She decided to leave her course and go home. So she's there while she works for a bit, saves some money, and wait for the make up artistry course she really wanted to do to start (in the autumn).
His son is finishing a postgrad, but is basically in short term rented/student accommodation and back home for all the holidays.
I guess the dynamic will change when they both have jobs and their own places?
And then it will change again once they are both in serious Rs and want to spend the little holidays that they get from work with their partners?
The house thing his D was worried about? When she was way studying she was head tenant on the lease for the flat which she shared with a few girls she'd never met before.
Now that she's left and the quarterly bills are coming in, they're trying to get her to pay her share of the bills. She's still paying her share of the rent as she hasn't been able to find another tenant to take her place, but she doesn't want to pay the bills as she's not using any of the electricity or heating etc.
Because her name is on the lease as head tenant, I think there are some sort of legal implications, which she probably didn't realise. I think she's going to try and get her name taken off, but it sounds a bit stressful.
Goodness, I've properly fallen off the tightrope this morning.
I organised a business event for the weekend. It seemed to go really, really well. Not sure about the income I'll get from it yet, but I know already that the public side of it was an absolute success.
I had a night out (not a big one, just a glass of wine and dinner) with my wonderful man on Sunday night, and worked hard at my future projects yesterday, both imminent and planning a few new ones too.
This morning I'm all over the place. Delayed reaction I guess.
I've also learnt that I'm pretty good at organising stuff, and other friends and businesses value me for that.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Bit of a wobbler last week, but back on track now.
Looking back over the past couple of years...
I've made some friendships that I feel are very strong. I've particularly enjoyed making friends outside of XH's industry, so people are meeting me and relating to me for who I am. That's been an amazing confidence boost.
I've done things I never imagined I would do (and plenty more of those sorts of things to do in the future, for sure). Some of those have now been with the wonderful man I'm with, and I'm particularly appreciative of that.
The work part of my life has become a lot stronger, solid and I feel more confident about it. That's a direct result of the effort I've put into it. I feel like I've earned my place and can stand on my own two feet in the working world.
My physical fitness has improved incredibly. I'm very proud of that. Still more to learn and do on that front.
I don't have insomnia any more. I had it for years and years and years, sleeping only 4 hours a night every night. It got very bad a one point and I was down to 2 or 3 hours sleep a night. I don't have insomnia any more and I can say that I sleep very well.
I'm rambling. I don't know why I felt it was important to look back and appreciate how far I've come at this point.
Perhaps because I don't have the feeling of wishing I could go back to the person I was, or better...go back to the way I thought about the world before this all happened.
I know the world will never be the same again, but what I have learned about myself has made me stronger that I was before. That's not to discount or forget about the pain and suffering behind it all. But just that I feel more capable now, and able to stand on my won two feet and not only survive, but thrive.
Would I ever speak to XH again? No. Door Slam on that one, for sure. And that's down to his behaviour and his treatment of me.
Feel like I'm starting to really emerge from the shadow of XH in the freelance work that I do which is in the same industry that he works in (and in which he is **very** well known).
In January, I lost a huge chunk of regular freelance work (through external circumstances). It spurred me on to upping my game. Which in turn had the effect of making me realise how much I had done over the years in that field, and how much experience I had accumulated. I felt stunned when I realised this, and a little proud too. I'm very much a get your head down, do the work, and keep your focus forward, type of person, so I don't really ever stop and take stock of what I've achieved.
I also had a good think about what I needed in my life from this work and this side of my life, the goals I wanted to set myself and what I wanted to achieve too. Which was also a new thing for me - as far as this kind of work goes anyway. Up to now I've been quite passive really, and happy to get by with what has come along in this field. I think I always felt in XH's shadow (and actually, I remember, really early on in our R, before we were M, I landed a chunk of work with a well known company, and I remember feeling the tiniest amount of envy from him. I also remember feeling that I shouldn't ever overshadow him, so I think I probably stepped back from that point).
That soul searching at the start of this year and work on my CV is now paying off. I had two fantastic interviews for two chunks of work that would both be happening at the same time. Both interviewers kept repeating how much experience I had and how great my CV was. At the end of yesterday's interview I was offered a position on the spot.
I think this is the one I'm going to accept. It's different enough from what experience I already have on my CV. I also think it's going to be more clearly defined that the other one and less full on. I'm totally good with work that is very full on, a bit find out as you go along and use all the experience you have to make a success of it - and I actually really enjoy being put in that position and the challenge of that. But it's also good to give myself a break from that and try a different way of working, one that's more corporate, if you like.
I have another interview next week, for a project that's happening in the autumn. This would be with another very well-known and highly-regarded company.
So, as things stand, and with a couple of chunks of work in this same industry that I know is in the pipeline for the autumn and winter (although I haven't signed anything yet), I think I have work to get by financially until the end of this year. It will also give me enough to live a little: the odd night out, weekend break, put a small amount of savings aside...
And as well as that, I'm feeling that I'm building my CV in this line of work still further and can confidently stand on my own two feet in this industry, and be regarded as successful in my own right.
Dreamt about XMIL last night. In my dream I woke up in my bed, saw that someone had been in my room while I was asleep and put something like a large suitcase or some sort of box on a table which is on the other side of my bedroom. I felt a bit confused, but not really frightened or anything, by the thought of someone having been in my room while I was asleep.
Went through to the other room to find XMIL there. She was upset and wanted to talk. I felt separate from her, like I was able to see and know that she was upset without taking on those feelings for myself. I felt more neutral and still in myself. I think I suggested that she should leave. And I think I was aware that the processing of what had happened would take longer and be more emotional than the actual events themselves in my dream.
It was a strange feeling for me, to feel someone's emotional separateness and to remain feeling very much like my own self, solid in my own self. I'm one of those people that instantly soaks up how other people are feeling, and those feelings pretty much always have a physical effect on me.
Oh, you're an empath! Yes, they have to shield themselves a bit from others emotions, You need positive people around you.
Quote:
actually, I remember, really early on in our R, before we were M, I landed a chunk of work with a well known company, and I remember feeling the tiniest amount of envy from him. I also remember feeling that I shouldn't ever overshadow him, so I think I probably stepped back from that point
Yes we women tend to hide our light so our men won't feel "less than". I certainly mommy-tracked my career so that my ex could pursue his. I was teaching at a medical conference recently and they put me up in a luxurious suite at the resort and it dawned on me that I no longer needed my ex to take me on such trips while HE was lecturing - I was in the same category as him now
I'm only just starting to discover this (as far as working in XH's industry is concerned).
I'm also quite a quiet person, as far as my accomplishments go. And am not very comfortable being in the limelight and generally much happier for other people to be the centre of attention. That works quite well in the role that I work in, in XH's industry.
I've tried to be a little less so these past six months. It's time to claim my space and inhabit it.
This afternoon I got another job offer from the other interview that I did, and an offer of another interview. So, all in all, a very good few days. Very ego boosting...in the healthiest possible way.
It's coming up to my financial year end, and I feel like I've recovered a bit from the huge hole I fell into at the start of 2018. I'm also feeling that I'm laying some good groundwork for next year as well.
