Hi Guys, Just woke up and saw that WAW texted about an hour ago telling me she was off today and in my town helping one of our old friends and asked me if I could help her get something from my work. I should add that she addressed me using my full name...which you may have read previously was what she called me during our marriage.
Should I be agreeable and meet up with her today? How should I reply to this?
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Hi Maika! No I'm off today too and I'm fairly sure she knows that from our previous plan- making.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
You were a little vague so I may be missing something but I think it's a go. It seems like what you'd like to do, and while you may not want to pursue at this time there's no harm in accepting her invite. You've demonstrated you're not sitting around waiting for her call in the way you've declined other invites due to conflicts, etc. But there's no law that says you always have to be busy. If you're not, you're not. As long as you're not overly enthusiastic and trying to stretch out your time together you'll be fine. Show up, help out, say it was nice to see her, and that's that.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Okay thanks a ton Zues. Okay I'll meet up with her and play it super cool just as you described. I'll also be sure to be the one to say I have to go after awhile as well. I probably won't want to leave of course but I will force myself to. I'll reply to her now.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Let us know how it goes! ... I was thinking the same thing. Help, or don't help, if it's what you want to do, but not for any reason of proving a point. She is leading the way and I don't see you pursuing at all. There may come a time when it is safe for you to extend invitations (perhaps the concert was one), but my sense is that you will know when that time comes. You seem to have very good insight on the dynamic happening with her!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
Remember you're still on the castle grounds having a picnic. This is her coming out to the edge of the drawbridge but she will probably run back in and raise it again. It'll be like this for a while. No expectations!
Thanks guys! You are the best. Love you guys! Yes Blu, I think you are right. I will know when the time is right to ask her out or to hang out. For now I just follow her lead. She's reaching out very regularly blnow on her own so that's great. As I said I never text her or initiate anything. Just like you said Blu, I'm sure I'll know when it is safe to do that.
Exactly Another Stander, I always think of Vanilla's posts about that. I realize she is coming out on the drawbridge and will likely run back in. I am just fine with that as there is no rush here. It takes as long as it takes to get her out of the castle permanently. I'm just fine with that. Yes Arista I am wondering the same thing...if she'll bring up the concert. We'll see! Of course I'll keep you all posted as to what goes on today.
Thanks to you all for being there for me!!!! xoxo
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Hey Guys, Okay so I wasn't able to get what she needed in time before she left town so I met up with her anyway and she said to just bring it over to her house tonight. So I am headed to her place in a little bit. She is working on a garden at her place and asked me if I wanted to help so I said sure. So I'll let you know how it goes.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
