I'm confused on what you are asking in your last question about Leni and the lawyer.
Are you asking us about our opinion on a phonecon/3 way call between Leni and your lawyer?
I think delaying is you not lifting a hand to help. There's a difference between you not lifting a hand and you telling your W you wont do something until your conditions are met.
You set conditions of 10 days, look at it from your W stand point. How do You think she will view that action. I view it as taking a person hostage.
How is that showing your W a confident man? How is that not controlling and manipulating.
IMO, your W is not going to come back because you withheld a piece of paper, she's going to come back because you are strong, confident, not controlling or manipulating and interesting.
Do what makes you look attractive, do what makes you look strong. Do what makes her want to be with you.
You worrying about a piece of paper makes you look weak and unattractive.
I'm telling you this not to be mean, but for you to take the time and evaluate this action objectively. Put yourself outside you own decision and what kind of man do you see?
A confident man would say, "ok W I will sign the paper. I love you and I want our M, but I want stand in your way".
True love, is allowing a person to be free. If you truly love a person you allow them to make their own decisions, you allow them to be themselves and you don't forced them to do things they don't want to do.
The most profound act of love is LETTING go.
Let go, have patience and allow time and space to do it's thing.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
I'm confused on what you are asking in your last question about Leni and the lawyer.
Are you asking us about our opinion on a phonecon/3 way call between Leni and your lawyer?
I think delaying is you not lifting a hand to help. There's a difference between you not lifting a hand and you telling your W you wont do something until your conditions are met.
You set conditions of 10 days, look at it from your W stand point. How do You think she will view that action. I view it as taking a person hostage.
How is that showing your W a confident man? How is that not controlling and manipulating.
IMO, your W is not going to come back because you withheld a piece of paper, she's going to come back because you are strong, confident, not controlling or manipulating and interesting.
Do what makes you look attractive, do what makes you look strong. Do what makes her want to be with you.
You worrying about a piece of paper makes you look weak and unattractive.
I'm telling you this not to be mean, but for you to take the time and evaluate this action objectively. Put yourself outside you own decision and what kind of man do you see?
A confident man would say, "ok W I will sign the paper. I love you and I want our M, but I want stand in your way".
True love, is allowing a person to be free. If you truly love a person you allow them to make their own decisions, you allow them to be themselves and you don't forced them to do things they don't want to do.
The most profound act of love is LETTING go.
Let go, have patience and allow time and space to do it's thing.
Yes. Like you mentioned i decided to let her go completely and emailed the documents and wished her the very best. So shevdoes not have to suffer any further emotional trauma due to my delay. I will involve the lawyer if required at a later point of time.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Update after sending papers - my wife called me she wants to discuss one last time before divorce and started ranting out , how mean i was when i sold all the furntiure items so that she doesnt need to come back and that i had met the lawyer even before she left this home.. we had heated arguments and she went berserk and so did i.. i told her she has been mean towards me and trusts a janitor more than I. And she again said the same things again and again about not trusting me and that i wanted her out of home. I still kept strong and told her i dont beleive in divorce, however if she insists i will not be stopping her. But she went on behaving rude for a while before she hung up the phone. I sent her a text saying that i still dont beleive divorce is the option but if she insists i wont stop her and allow her to go with love and happiness and peace. And to stop suspecting me as i did nothing wrong. And that selling furniture items was a way by means of which i could ease my burden before moving out. If she wanted to talk to me peacefully she is welcome to do in person or over phone. For that she texted that now i wanted it coz its over and wished me luck. I repeated the same saying that if she feels divorce is the only option i will leave it to her as i wont stop her if she insists.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
You need to leave her alone. Both of you are too angry to talk.
I have left her alone.but what makes me sad is she is shifting the blame towards me with lame excuses. I understand the situation she is in. And feel the pain she does. But i am not doing something untrustworthy. To this date I am the one who is trying to make things work here not to break! She thinks my actions are pushing her away! How can one justify that is not the case?
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
You have to learn how to validate. It will help A lot if you stop telling her how to feel and what to feel.
Her feelings about the funiture are hers. You can only tell her the reason you did what you did, you can't tell her how to feel and what to feel about what you did. Next time you can say something to the effects of, "I can see how me moving the funiture would make you feel that way, but thats not why I move them." Leave it at that. Stop arguing with her and validate.
Once she hangs up, don't text her right after that. That's pursuit. Learn to leave the conversations first. Say something like, "this conversation is going in the wrong direction, I will call you back when I have cooled off". If she says don't worry about calling her back you say, "ok".
Your actions are pushing her away! She's telling you how she feels, believe her. Validate, validate, validate. She can justify it because its her feelings and not yours. You don't own the rights to her thoughts or feelings. Allow her to have both. You are still trying control her.
You did good by signing those forms. Stop trying explain every little decision you make. Make the decision and keep moving forward. Stop looking back after you make the decision, what I mean by looking back is, you make a decision and then call your W looking for her reaction or try to explain your decision. If she doesnt ask for an explanation dont give her one.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Thats a beautiful piece of advise. And i liked every word of it. Appreciate that. Thanks!!
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Update - she came home and started dumping some of the stuff she had borrowed from me and returned my valentine and wedding anniversary greetings. I simply asked told her cordially that my home is not a dumping ground and she can leave those stuff near the dumpster. After a bit of hesitation she did leave them at the dumpster. I also threw the wedding cards and gifts into the dumpster.( i know i shouldn't have but i had to since she has been walking all over me and i had to stand my ground and affirm)I gently requested the home keys to be handed over and she left without uttering much. Before leaving she commented that she could have thrown the box i gave her into garbage. I told her its her items and do what she needs to. I closed the garage door and was done.
A few observations while this happened - i was happy to see her , and i observed some kind of agony and emotion on her face as well sensing she isnt that happy. I was with mixed emotions and neutral and showed a strong confident response.
She is yet to discuss next steps regarding divorce.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
Update - Received the dissolution notice by email. Will review with the attorney tomorrow abd sign and and submit it to wife. No point in waiting as she has made up her mind.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
I signed the dissolution papers and dropped off at my wife doorstep on 5/1 Afternoon. Wife called twice that evening (i didnt pick up) and even texted me asking to casually speak with me. I asked what is it was regarding? She said she wanted to talk to me casually and if i am uninterested thats totally fine and said take care. I said everytime her casual talks have a way of rising my Blood pressure. And insisted she specify the subject of convesration , i would later choose to talk to her. I said i am done playing with her games as well. She didnt respond.
M(35) F(35) T(6) M(6) BD 10/25/2017 S 3/12/2018 LRT 4/3 D Served 4/30 D Signed (Me) 5/1 D filed with Court 5/21 D Final 7/6 Moving on with life and doing lot of GAL since 7/6 :-)
