Thanks Joseph9! (blush) I received a ton of help here so its nice to be able to help others as well. I'm super happy currently -- kids are great, new relationship is great!
exW is moving houses this weekend, borrowing my car for the weekend and staying at my house in the guest room with the kids in the house and my fiance living with us. I consider that "post divorce relationship success" and am really happy that the coparenting relationship is so good.
This is totally survivable and you will feel happy again, it just takes time.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
Thank you for your insight into 180 and the A/OM non/A/OM answers you gave. No pursuit, patience, GAL, detach seem to be universal. As I haven't dug myself a whole to date, have some clarity/acceptance of my reality, I think (hope) I'm in good shape. Accuray's comment "This is totally survivable" I really appreciate as it gives hope at the end of the tunnel no matter the outcome. I pray regularly asking "why us Lord? why my family must go through this?" I have no answers and it hurts.
As for the alpha stuff, Accuray yeah I mean def not meaning to say become someone I am not. Definitely just see some things in me that I could have done better and want to improve. More line speaking my opinion assertively, not being a doormat. And I definitely get your point about these changes needing to be for me and real and not a show for her. I think these are things that would improve me for future relationships if it comes to that.
Last, hope...its so VERY hard to have any. 6 weeks in, wife has said she has no feelings for me anymore which sounds like SCRIPT. I wonder if over the course of the next few months and me pulling away if her feelings will evolve/change. Nothing I can do of course, but will her initial adamance about we're done soften with time OR will I just fade into her memory.
so I still go back to my central concern...if WAS believes due to my detachment that the relationship (at least as it was) is now non-existant, does that change me? I mean I still plan to be in contact with her on matters of my daughter/house. I mean I don't want to be friend zoned on this, but if I'm detaching do I not increase her opinion that there's no relationshipip left to salvage?
OR am I just worrying too much about her reaction to my detachment/being needy when I should just be doing what I need to do for me and let her emotions go where they will?
