Gordie - bummer that your posts for some reason aren't coming up. I usually hit the preview button a few times to check my editing and haven't had a problem yet. Hope you are doing well. You are on a very tough road.
exquisitetobe - Merci mon cher ami. There are no firm plans in place for my D to come up for a visit this summer. She has a lot on her plate right now with having to give up her sweet dog (complicated), her husband going on longer and longer cruises pre-deployment, passport issues etc.
If they choose to stay with me if they visit they are more than welcome. I'm working hard on having my ex be "someone I used to know" which being no contact with no triangulation with the kids is probably the wisest path. They plainly know what I think of what their mother did and that I have a low opinion of OM. But they also know their duty and will do it. The burial of their grandparents is one of those duties. It must be tough on them for lots of reasons although they weren't very close to their grandparents on either side. They've been careful to not express any specific opinions about their mother and her actions.
I hope you have the good weather coming your way that we will have here in the "brown South". My vegetables that I've started inside are sprouting. I'm really looking forward to the nicer weather and sitting in the backyard with a bonfire and frosty beverage or on my bench at the front with a good book watching the world pass by my front door. That is still probably several weeks away though. I still have a few inches of snow everywhere.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
It's times like this that I really miss having a partner. As some of you may know there was a mass killing today in Toronto. In a completely different part of the city from where I work but still far too close.
I'm left to try to process this alone and it's difficult. Looking back on my marriage I don't how much help my ex would have been during this. She would get angry at me when I would be down and never did know how to lift my spirits.
It didn't help that I was already feeling down after the highs of Saturday. I self-medicated this morning with a couple of chocolate glazed doughnuts which boosted my "happy carbs" and that was before this tragedy.
I just feel rather numb. I want to help but there's nothing I can do. Because of a suspected heart attack a good number of years ago I'm not allowed to donate blood. I "am" an organ donor. I support a number of charities at least one of which I expect is involved in supporting the victims and their families.
I just don't know.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I, too, understand how you feel. I was so sorry to see the news yesterday afternoon concerning the mass killing. We just experienced last month a shooting in our local high school which involved the killing of a teenage girl, another teenage boy and then the shooter killed himself. When these types of tragedies take place in our community and near us, it shakes us to the core.
As bttrfly mentioned, prayer is always something you can do and it is a very powerful tool. My thoughts and prayers go out to the community in Canada.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Andrew, we are with you...you aren't totally alone. Please remember that we are all thinking of you and praying for you on a daily basis.
We cannot make sense of the craziness that these people are going thru when the snap and take a life or many lives. It doesn't make sense at all. They are sick and definitely need help.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Well - I seem to be journaling and such more than I expected to. It helps though as I work through things. I appreciate the kindness of those of you who are "playing the home game" and following along.
Thinking of the cohort of people that came here around the same time as me, there's only a couple of us left who post regularly. Perhaps we're stuck in some fashion? Perhaps we're bored? I think most are divorced and moving on with their new lives with this all behind them. I believe myself to be among the "stuck" ones.
Some of the recent conversations around dating got me thinking about my own situation and the lack of dating activity. I think I'm the @ss in the fable of the @ss who starves between two bales of hay. I'm sure I could find at least one person who might agree to call me that particular equine The fact that I may actually have "choices" is part of what I struggle with I think. I can easily think of a half-dozen women who I could ask out (no clue if they would say yes) but haven't. My single date was when she asked me. I wish some of the half-dozen were perhaps forward like that. It would simplify things for me.
I've made a decision to try to push things forward in my situation with an email to my ex next week CC both lawyers. I've attached a draft letter below. I'm going for BIF - Brief (for me) Informative and Firm. I'm very reluctant to do this as no-contact helps me heal but I need to shove things along somehow and my lawyer has been pretty useless. I perhaps could / should run this via the lawyers but I want to keep the spend down and have doubts if my lawyer would actually bother to send it. I have no idea of how much of my retainer is left but know that each and every bit of correspondence costs me. My front porch roof is leaking, my bank account is into the line of credit. I can use whatever pennies I can find. I expect that if I just sit passively that nothing will happen.
Quote:
[ex wife name]
As per our written agreement dated 13-Nov-2017 paragraph 6.1 please find attached a copy of the paid life insurance statement. I am unclear as to whether I have an obligation to send this to you every year or not. If you wish to see this annually please advise me.
As a reminder, per our verbal agreement of 12-Oct-2017 you have until the end of this month (May 2018) for the final removal of any plants or cuttings you wish along with whatever unused garden ornaments that you may want. I expect that some of these have sentimental value. Please coordinate this with [S23] who has acquired some facility with a shovel in recent times I am sure. I will provide [S23] with guidelines around what can and can not be removed.
Finally, as per our written agreement dated 13-Nov-2017 paragraph 25.1 you were to proceed with finalizing the divorce within 20 days. I have received and acknowledged receipt of form 8A – Application for Divorce – File number FS-18-012 but believe that form 36 – Affidavit for Divorce and form 25A – Divorce Order are still outstanding. In repeated contacts to my lawyer they were unable to provide information as to the status of these forms which I believe should have been filed / completed 5 months ago. I have not as yet investigated what recourse is available to me if those forms are not filed and hope that is not necessary.
If you have any questions, please contact me either directly via email or through my lawyer.
Andrew
I recently gained some minor intelligence into the life that my ex is leading. SIL1 is a bit of a sleuth and identified that her car was up at OM's house for a period of time recently. Enough that snow accumulated on and behind it. I expect that they were off on some sort of vacation. Just after that though, I saw her car parked at her apartment. This repeated again this week where SIL1 saw the car on my ex's day off through the day but I saw it early the next morning at her apartment. This doesn't hurt (much) and I know is just a version of pain-shopping for little result. It does set my mind at ease though to know that her relationship continues and that it can be expected that she has no desire to "return home". Why the divorce is still stalled is somewhat of a mystery and it's not worth putting on the mind-reading turban. One of the cats is having a snooze in it right now anyway.
I do though at times wonder what she thinks of her current life. She is (probably) living alone in her apartment surrounded by piles of boxes and furniture seeing her much older "boyfriend" occasionally probably with no more status than that of "side piece". Her social media is silent. I do know that she actively reads and recently wished SIL1 a happy birthday. She can't directly see mine nor I her's as I have her blocked. If she wanted to she could see what sort of an exciting life I have It's the life she used to have. Occasional nice vacations, visiting my children. She gave up a nice(ish) home, a loving family, the respect of the community and friends for the life of a hermit. And this is a woman who was never alone for the first 50 years of her life and couldn't stand to be alone.
I do know from her former friends that she had dreams of a comfortable life with OM and his money and bragged about how much he got in life insurance from the death of his wife (classy - I know). The current theory among my circle is that he has gotten the sensible advice to not let this much younger woman get any sort of legal hold over him or his estate which includes an active business.
I did run into the husband of one of her best friends at the gas station earlier this week. He didn't notice me until I said "hi". We chatted a bit and slightly uncomfortably. I mentioned that it was hard to believe that it's been about 3 years since my ex started seeing her guy. He was a bit surprised by that and said that he thought it was only one year. I assured him that they had been seeing each other for about a year when I found out. I was (slightly) surprised that he wasn't up on the details since his wife had been one of my ex's confidantes and supporters while she was carrying on her secret affair. The man muttered something about @#$% cheaters and suggested that I feel free to stop by his shed for a beer any time I like. I thanked him and said that I might. (I probably won't - a bit too awkward). He did say that he hardly ever sees my ex any more and that when he sees her it is usually at her store and she's always complaining about how hard she has to work. I wonder if she misses me being the audience / validator for all that complaining
Am I still a Plan B in her mind? I have no idea. Hopefully my letter will push that along to free me from the possibility of that role in this drama.
Well - time to get along with my day. I had dinner last night with a dear friend and listened to her vent about her troubles while I provided drinks and lit her cigarettes. I'm off for a fresh haircut, then to the bank, groceries, flowers. At lunch I'm trading some tech support with the lady who runs the bake-shop for a freshly baked cookie. Not sure what dinner will be today but am thinking Sunday of doing up steaks for S23 and I. I may also try to make a "mug cake" from a recipe from a favourite food blogger called Love SWAH who also did up the single serve pancake recipe I use.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Hmmm - ANSI instead of UTF-8 which did not post. Exact same text all originally entered in to the textarea box. No error / warning messages. I used the "preview" button a "lot" as usual.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
The fact that I may actually have "choices" is part of what I struggle with I think. I can easily think of a half-dozen women who I could ask out (no clue if they would say yes) but haven't. My single date was when she asked me. I wish some of the half-dozen were perhaps forward like that. It would simplify things for me.