J9, you are 100% right... I have much to be happy for...I was just stating that we should have had the D done by now. Waiting for what was my question, it was rhetorical. I am moving on and have moved on.
S21 just came to me and asked a million questions, I said that I might not be able to answer everything but he wants to know. I said look when I know you will know. He then said he thinks W should move out. S22 was leaving for work and said this is BS whats going on here, I said we will get through this... yes they are adults and it will be easier for them but it still [censored] that they are being forced to move from the house they were born in.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Yep, it does suck...your pain is real. IMO your path is a little more challenging because your kids are old enough to understand what it is going on. It will be very hard to remain neutral and not let your children know your true feelings. Others may disagree but at the end of the day while they are old enough to understand your W is still their mother and I think some things they don't need to know. Use your discretion in what you tell them. I think you could still make things 100% worse if you put a wedge between them you and their mom.
Show them your character and the man that you are!
No wedge at all, I still love my family as hard as this will be. The problem is they know its her, they know she will not seek any help or counceling. Thats what is so bothersome to them, remember everything has been a secret for so long and now they are getting bombarded with the reality that they have to move and pay for an apartment. Along with not living with their family. It is complex but can be done.
The area where I live a 2 bedroom apartment is around $1800 (with a dog $2200) it is more then my mortgage on my house. There is no way aroung not selling my house unless W decides she wants to back off on wanting half of everything.
My concern is for my children (young adults) being thrown into a sitch that they had no control over, they will barely be able to afford their rent, let alone car insurance, food ... etc.etc.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Happy Sunday its freezing here... Just got done doing all kinds of ppw and now off to the gym.
W has been on the couch since 12:30am and its now 3:30pm. She got up once to make pancakes for the kids.
I have 1 week until my induction into social club, suit is cleaned and ready. In my line of work it is rare that I would be wearing a suit.
A large group of friends just returned home from a cruise that I was supposed to go on, I saw all the pics and it looked great. Next year for sure. I remember asking W if she wanted to go prior to BD and she said that she was worried I would get seasick. I said I would have no problem but she still didnt want to.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Updating: Talked to L yesterday and she said there is no way the W will be able to keep the house, so it will be up to me if I want to try and keep it. I just dont want to have to buy my house again. This should have been the best time of my life as the mortgage is really going down.
Re-did all my financials and looked over credit card and bank statements, I cannot believe how often W and I went to certain restaurants. Its all there in black and white, our favorite places... by saying we never did anything together is just mind boggling. I am not rehashing just stating it here for the board.
Saturday night is going to be great as my cousin is guest bartending at the social club. Then on Monday night I get inducted and get to meet the board members. Should have done this years ago.
Running is starting to get back to normal and mileage should be about 25 miles this week.
Near my town is a Fathers day 5K that me and 2 maybe 3 kids will be running. It is a competition run with fathers teaming with children and lowest time wins. Me and D19 came in 15th out of 45 one year and we hope to be under 50 minutes combined. Either way I really enjoy doing this activity with the kids.
S21 enters the police academy this Wednesday and I am really happy for him. He is anxious to get started and he gave his job notice, he doesnt know it but they are throwing him a little party tomorrow on his last day.
W has been very talkative with me but its all for show and wants to be friendly, I made the mistake of saying why dont we go talk things over lunch she immediately said maybe, so that means no way. I am glad I caught myself...whoa...
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
W has been very talkative with me but its all for show and wants to be friendly, I made the mistake of saying why dont we go talk things over lunch she immediately said maybe, so that means no way. I am glad I caught myself...whoa...
A slip up like this is okay. I remember early on in my sitch, making mistakes like this almost out of habit. Pursuit? Yes a tad. But what if she had said "Okay"? You never know if "talktive" means more until you do a small temp check. That's what I would call this. No this isn't pure DBing, but if you know my sitch at all you know I did a big mishmash of DBing and reconnecting. It worked, or seems to be working, in my sitch. But everyone will need to decide what is best for their sitch.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
A slip up like this is okay. I remember early on in my sitch, making mistakes like this almost out of habit. Pursuit? Yes a tad. But what if she had said "Okay"? You never know if "talktive" means more until you do a small temp check. That's what I would call this. No this isn't pure DBing, but if you know my sitch at all you know I did a big mishmash of DBing and reconnecting. It worked, or seems to be working, in my sitch. But everyone will need to decide what is best for their sitch.
Thanks for visiting my thread Steve, yes trying to stay focused on myself. At times she makes this house feel like nothing is wrong.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
At times she makes this house feel like nothing is wrong.
BH,
You are to caught up on how she is acting so that means your not detached. Would you rather her be angry and screaming at you like some of the LBS around here?
If she changes her mind you will know. Most likely this will be years down the road.
While your living together treat her as a neighbor.
Thank you LH, you are right I just went over this with IC. Two months ago I was more detached then right now and thats because she manipulated me back. I can see it now. I am working to get back to that place.
Coffee, running, work... sleep
I now have things in my life to look forward to, and I am fortunate to have so many friends and family.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Just met with L and I am feeling really good, I have accepted the D as happening and I am moving on with my life. Things take time for LBS and it is a learning process. I should be just fine financially.
So I want to share a little more about me, I have been going to the same barber shop for the last 45 years, yes 45... so I know everyone in the shop. I made a video of me pretending to be a barber and they posted it on their page and it was a big hit. I have made videos for many years and have had 1000's of views and many people message me for more.
I will resume making videos when the D is done and I will start to be creative again. I was asked to write a bit for a radio station that I have been putting off because I didnt have enough time.
The time is now to move forward...
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
