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A Message from Michele
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#2775473 - 01/15/18 01:35 PM Re: Separation imminent (cont.) [Re: Hermes]
Hermes Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/17
Posts: 203
Loc: US
Just in case you all feel I'm a lost cause...

for whatever reason, I evidently had to get all of this unproductive stuff out of my system... wish I had listened more about throwing dirt on the M grave and moving on. Wouldn't have changed anything other than all the pain I caused myself and WW by continuing to talk about things... (wouldn't have changed her mind given how strong A is).
I've done a lot of introspection on this and realize with all I did it doesn't justify the A, but I understand why the conditions existed to cause this... Know now with A there was never a chance of R (Sandi2 you were spot on... should have considered your sage advice sooner). The marriage was severely damaged by the time of the A. Whether it's an Exit A, MLC, etc. is immaterial. Even without the A there was enough damage to push this forward... (I'd like to believe that without A, all the changes and had she agree to try Solution Oriented Counseling or 2 day's with MWD things might have been different... but that's just speculation).

Given how I've acted up to this point, you all may not believe what I'm about to say... but I am strangely at peace with what's happening and going to happen right now (thinking about it doesn't cause me any upset, sure I'm a little sad especially for what the kids will have to endure... but I have some responsibility for getting to this point as well... This change (which has been gradual over the past few weeks was really pushed along by telling parents, siblings, and now the kids... (damage done which makes it feel more "real")... which is weird after trying so hard to "fix" things. I plan to post progress every couple weeks and hope you all will not give up on me for being such a moron while going through this...

Moving forward with STFU... going to bite my tongue, work hard to not react. put kids first. treat her like a business relationship; respectful regarding kids, etc. but not caring what she does anymore or when.

Continue work on Self... committed to see this not happen again as I realize all the myriad mistakes we both made in the relationship. (also hope to impart this knowledge of what it takes to make a marriage work long term to both my children some day when they decide to get married).

after Sunday she's on vacation with a friend.. then returns, packs and moves out the next day. I plan to take the suggestions off others to help her like I would a friend or sister. Help her move her things if she wants, Help with basic things (cleaning apt. prior to move in if she wants, helping with a few things I am skilled at (electronics) if she wants. Then backing off STFU, LRT and move on with my life.

Realize with all the things that I did and failed to do in the past (especially while depressed when I shut down emotionally and vacillated between nothing and being upset with her... when she finally pulled away from me emotionally and started A). A is not my fault... but doesn't change the fact that things had become damaged to point of breakdown of M.

She's being really "nice" to me in giving me what I've asked for in terms of schedule... not sure if it will continue... but she says she's committed to being a great co-parent... and her actions tend towards this (she isn't throwing stones at me anymore in past week since starting to tell everyone).

Still going to retain legal counsel... even if just behind the scenes to coach me and then review outcome, as mediation without this is suicidal IMHO.

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#2775507 - 01/16/18 02:34 AM Re: Separation imminent (cont.) [Re: Hermes]
LH19 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/17
Posts: 894
H,

I am glad that you posted the second post because after I read your first post I was thinking you were a lost cause. I am baffled why you continue to try to use logic and reason knowing that you are just pushing her further away.

Then by telling her that you are only going to speak with her regarding the kids just reinforces to her that the changes you made are not real and only a ploy to get her back. I am not saying you should be friends with her in the future but what is the point of telling her that now. It sounds petty and desperate.

Have you read the lighthouse story? That should be your focus. Keep a clear path paved home. There is zero reasons to burn any bridges right now.

IMO you are no where ready to date. You have a ton of worked to do to insure you are prepared for your next relationship.
Focus on you and the kids and what kind of life you want to build for yourself.

Keep posting!
_________________________
M:49 W:44
T:22 M:16
S:12 D:9

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith

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#2785563 - 04/16/18 09:28 AM Re: Separation imminent (cont.) [Re: LH19]
LH19 Offline
Member

Registered: 02/22/17
Posts: 894
H,

What's new?
_________________________
M:49 W:44
T:22 M:16
S:12 D:9

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith

Top
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