Here is a copy of the templated letter i found, edited and sealed in an envelope. I will ONLY GIVE THIS TO HER IF SHE APPROACHES ME TO TALK. OTHERWISE IT WILL NEVER SEE THE OUTSIDE OF MY NIGHTSTAND.
If she asks my stance opinion or feelings regarding our M, i will hand her this letter, as it sums it all up.
If she does not ever approach me to discuss M, R and her mistakes and lies, then i have nothing to say to her.
that being said here is my letter. Any edits or ideas are welcome as i can edit this and reprint it whenever, as i wont give it to her for quite a while,IF EVER.
"Dear Wife, I regret that we find ourselves in the situation we’re in. I never imagined this would happen to us. I always thought we were and would always be the perfect couple. I know that you’ve been unhappy for a long time, for many reasons, some of which you may not be sure of. Wife, I am concerned for you, I care about you and want to see you healthy and happy, and I will do anything I can to see that happen, under ANY circumstance. I’m aware that my behavior in the past contributed in part to your unhappiness and the emotional estrangement between us. I could have tried harder to make you feel loved, to respect your personality and dreams and to put you before things like the Fire Dept. or work. I’ve worked very hard these past 7 months to overcome that behavior, including my temper, not for you, but for OUR SON and myself. I wanted to be a better husband, a better father, but most importantly a better person. The changes I’ve made have improved my relationships with many of the people in my life, especially OUR SON. We’re closer now than ever. People can change if they’re willing to take a long, hard look in the mirror and hold themselves accountable for who they are. I did that and I’m proud of the person I’ve become and the person I see myself becoming in the future. That being said, none of the issues we experienced as a couple justify or excuse the horrendous pain you have caused OUR SON and myself with your rash actions, selfish decisions and hurtful words and actions. The way you have treated me in the last year is inexcusable. (Since you deliberately made yourself “appear” single online since Jan of 2017, you were ACTIVELY LOOKING for an affair partner. Then you began dating OTHER MAN in April of 2017, and lying about it for months on months, even up to Jan 24th when you knew full well I was fully aware of the affair). I am not here to berate you about the choices you made and the pain you knew you were causing well before I found out about your affair, or the layers of lies you told me to try and cover it up. I’m here to tell you that I am walking my own path now, without you. If you want to walk the path with me, you will have work to do. I know it would be worth it in the long run, but you need to believe that as well, and show it through actions, not words. At this time I cannot trust the validity of your words, because of how much you have deceived me in the past. That being said, I still believe we can have a happy, loving, fulfilling marriage. I believe we can learn from our mistakes, grow from them and with effort and desire we can begin to slowly rebuild the love that was the foundation of our marriage and start to become a family again, for our sake and mostly for OUR SON. I believe we can have a marriage based on trust and honesty where we both feel safe sharing our innermost thoughts, feelings, fears and dreams. The kind of marriage we both imagined when we spoke our eternal. I’m not naive, I know there’s been a lot of damage done on both sides. We’d likely need the help of someone to guide us in learning better ways to communicate, meet each other’s emotional needs and begin to rekindle the spark of emotional intimacy between us as well as repair the damages to our families. It won’t be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is. It can be done if we both commit to being a family, honesty, transparency trust and love, but we both have to want it. Honestly, 100%. If not, then we can just continue the path of separating from each other that you began. I’ve suffered tremendous pain from seeing our marriage fall apart, learning about your relationship with OTHER MAN, the deliberate and pre-meditated lies and manipulation you hurt me with during your affair and the damage to OUR SON’S ideas of family trust and honesty, and dealing with our impending divorce, but I never stopped loving you and I never forgot what a wonderful person you are and how much joy you brought me. That gave me the strength and hope to go on. But the pain became too much to bear and I could not continue to live the way we were, so I had no choice but to leave our home in Sandown for my own emotional wellbeing. This wasn’t an easy thing for me to do, but it was a necessary step. I did not want this divorce. I wanted to be your husband, in every sense of the word. I wanted to hold you, talk with you, laugh and cry with you, comfort you, share the joy of raising a family with you. I wanted to grow old with you. As much as I wanted this, you have made it clear that you don’t, and as long as you feel this way, I cannot be a part of your life except as the father of our son, it is simply too painful. I cannot have you rely on me like a husband in any way, shape or form. I will not be available to do you favors, or help with finances or speak with you in any regard when you have a problem or need help with something. It makes me feel uncomfortable and used. Therefore, I must ask you not to contact me except for issues regarding OUR SON. This is something I believe is necessary to preserve and protect what little true love I still have for you before it slips away. As always, I will continue to be the best father I can be and do whatever is necessary to insure our OUR SONS happiness and make his life as fulfilling and happy as possible. If, down the road, you have a change of heart and decide you want to give our marriage a chance, I am open to discussing it with you and working out a plan to restore our marriage and make it what we only dreamed it could be, but I will need to know you are committed to our marriage and solid tangible assurance that OTHER MAN is no longer a part of your life, at all. I will always love you as the mother of my child but until that time, please respect my wishes. With love from you Husband (for now)
HUSBAND" [i][/i]
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Update. Filed the motion to hold, my mother in law has been strangely nice of late, which is a big difference from how she had been acting for the last two months. Still no contact om W, still unsure where she moved.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Thanks Steve, i wish there was delete post option here. I posted that because i was having an awful week and felt very alone in the dark at the time. Just a low point on the rollercoaster.
Still pushing through. Updates will come as they develop.
"Proudly it stands, until The World's End, the victorious banner of love" ~Blind Guardian "The Maiden and the Minstrel Knight"
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Don't feel bad. We all go through those periods. I know early on I was hitting refresh every other minute hoping for more input from sandi or AnotherStander or any of the resident experts. It is a lonely feeling, but you have to remember that these people have lives too. Keep posting, you will get the help you need.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I don't recommend stoicism. At least not in private. Let your emotions be what they are. Don't hold them in. Be in control around her, but let those emotions out in private.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
The TRO is really driving me batty. I want to talk to her, badly.
"we are still married, we havent spoken in more than 3 months. I have no idea if you are healthy, happy, doing well, or anything. I dont want to be your enemy, im here if you need me"
Wish i could say that, and i highly doubt she would turn me in for contacting her because of the TRO, but i can't take that risk. She didnt ask for the TRO, the City put in on automatic, but still. She hasnt fought at all to remove it, even just for the sake of co-parenting. My Pub Defender said the Judge likely wouldnt remove it even if she asked anyway, but at our first court case the prosecution requested to extend the TRO. So i dont know if that was something W or the prosecution requested/ recommended.
I stupidly just liked old mooshy posts of hers to my page on FB From years ago ("you are wonderful, that is all"). It breaks my heart to think she literally posses Zero sentiment or remorse for what shes done, or it seems that way.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
