Thanks everyone, I appreciate the thoughts and the kind words! I feel much better today and I think I was just mentally and emotionally drained. I ended up running a bunch of erands, some personal and a couple associated with the D. Took myself out to lunch, had a couple of drinks, then came home and took a nap. My oldest had soccer practice last night so I couldn't get too crazy.
I ended up taking today off as well, I just felt like I needed an extra day. Got a good workout in the morning and sat in the sauna for about 15 min just relaxing. Had to run a couple of more erands and then corresponded with the XW via email as we still have some things to separate financially.
Does D suck...it does but not as bad as what I thought it would 11 months ago.
N - Sorry I made you cry (i know I did), you can still silently lurk around and comment . Your like a garden gnome, you never know where or when your going to appear but when you do it brings a smile to my face!
I - Well I definately experienced it. To quote one of my favorite sonds of all time....."Rise and fall turn the wheel 'cause all life Is really just a circle." This shall pass and good days are on the horizon.
G-Money - Well i went and had some ice cream from Sonic does that count? I also bought myself some new wireless ear buds that rock! Never did kick boxing but I have channeled quite a bit of anger in the weightroom.
I tried to hide the emotion but then I said F it......the EW needs to see it. I didn't give a [censored], I am not ashamed.
I appreciate all of your advice!
Top Jimmy (Van Halen reference) - Thanks man...stay strong, you deserve much better than what your W is capable of giving you.
JJ - Dam I made you cry also! F me....you need to go find your man card......it's probably lost with mine! I hope you and the W are doing well and if we ever meet up you can buy since your still MR Yes God touched my soul.
M - Basil is smooth, the liquor store dude did you well. I appreciate all of your love and support, we have been in the same foxhole. You will be just fine, I have survived D and it't not that scary. It's bittersweet but more sweet than bitter (Another Big Head Todd and The Monsters song). Whatever happens with you....I got your back. I am even more motivated today than I was the day before.
As Blue used to say.....yesterday I took an L but tonight I bounce back!
Thanks, I really appreciate it. I am so glad that you came back to the board to offer your advice and wisdom. Your depth shines in every post that you make.
I know that I will be just fine. Most of my feelings are of sadness and what my D's won't experience of having an intact family and what they will miss out on. I fought for myself and stood for my MR but obviously it wasn't meant to be. It's not my path, not is my plan but I only hope that at some point I will understand the reason why.
The board has been my sanctuary and I learned from 25 that my values are not my EW's values and I can't impose my beliefs on her. I will continue on, heal and continue my journey on being the best man and father I can be. This is not the end of my story and my best days are to come!
HA, no it's not activated yet. I guess I am not sure if I am 100% ready yet or not. I feel in a weird place like I know my MR is over but there is a part of me that still feels like dating would be cheating. So I don't know if that means I am not ready or that it is still hard for me to picture myself with another woman. Any advice?
J9, please take it slow, many of my female friends have said let the next relationship happen naturally. Online dating from what I here from friends is a nightmare, do not believe the commercials on TV.
Have you joined and clubs or activities. I do not mean a pickup basketball games. Like a bowling league, softball, social club. Actually joined! Well now is your time, go and seek it out there is a new world waiting for you. BTW many social clubs have family activies.
You have done so well creating the new you and now its your time. I have no doubt that you will find a person to have a great relationship with just let it happen slowly.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
it is still hard for me to picture myself with another woman. Any advice?
Take your time. If you don't feel ready, then don't. The only person who knows when you're ready is you, so don't let well meaning friends push you into it. If you are anything like me, you are mourning the death of your marriage, and that will take time to get over.
I feel kind of like a hypocrite, though, since I've been dating for a while. Part of me wishes I had waited longer, but I don't really regret it. It is nice to receive a woman's attention and some physical intimacy.
I was very up front about my status, and emotional availability (or lack thereof); some women weren't interested, and others felt the same way, and we enjoyed each other's company, with no expectations.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
Not sure what LH and G added but I am definitely not going to rush it. I listened to a podcast at the gym the other day and it basically said that before you date you need to be ok being alone. I don't have a problem being alone, early on as I was starting in my career I moved to several cities were I didn't know anyone and was perfectly fine not dating anyone.
With that said I do miss having someone to share life experiences with but I think I will know when the time is right.
BH - I have not got involved with anything like you are describing however as I have got more involved with church I have met several new people through our small group bible study and started attending their monthly social events. On Friday night we had another outing and we participated in a kickball tournament. So far I have not noticed any single ladies but just interacting in general has been fun.
As more people learn about my situation in our small group (I really haven't spoke much about it) our small group leader came up to me (he is one person who I have opened up to) and told me I have a lot of balls for putting myself out there, getting involved and being active with my daughters (without having a significant other present). The compliment was huge for me and gave me a little extra confidence.
I have never really been that player type of guy that has always bounced from R to R even before I met my W. While I feel very confident with who I am and what I have to offer it's not something that exudes from me. The interesting thing to this is that I am an attractive person (I say that in the form of text not out of arrogance) and really should have no reason to not pursue what I want/desire.
And "yes" I do have a lot of people in my ear telling me to get out there and take advantage of this opportunity. I don't have my girls this week and there is a part of me that wants to make that profile active and start to interact with the opposite sex but something is holding me back. Not sure if it is just me being scared or if I fear telling people my story and or what to say when the topic of D comes up, when it was final and being labeled that guy on the rebound.
. Your like a garden gnome, you never know where or when your going to appear but when you do it brings a smile to my face!