This used to be easier - and a lot more fun, cont.

[doodler]

Ask Doodler as a mate to go.

Yes! Please Don, let me be your cabin mate. I'm a red hot mess just thinking about the possibility of cruising with you.

[DonH]

Ask Doodler as a mate to go.

Yes! Please Don, let me be your cabin mate. I'm a red hot mess just thinking about the possibility of cruising with you.

And now even more PTSD. .

[DonH]

Sorry everyone, I never got back yesterday to do part II. Instead, I had to be talked off the ledge. I guess on the positive side, it took my mind off of this whole cruise dilemma thing. I am doing better now and trying to put things in perspective.

So I was on the phone yesterday with one of two FWB from recent years. I saw her this past weekend. We are mostly friends - actually pretty good friends, but every now and then... Anyhow, she knows all of the players in the cruise thing so I told her about it, and my concerns. I commented about the whole sharing a room with a guy and then I'd have to pretend I'm gay or would people talk? And there was dead silence on the phone. I've talked about my sixth sense before and it went on tilt. I said "What?" And her "nothing" was not even close to convincing. She's a terrible liar.

Turns out, multiple people asked her this past weekend if I'm gay! I was devastated. No offence to anyone. I have gay friends - one was a really good friend until he moved away to do act on Broadway in New York City - go figure. But I'm homophobic. I get an unpleasant reaction when Doodler talks about wearing a dress for crying out loud. It's just who I am. I hate to hug a man. Like I said, if nothing else, it took my mind off of the cruise.

Is that what it's come to now? Because I don't have a GF and have not for years, I am gay? But then she did explain... or at least this is what she claims... At least I don't act the part, so that was a little relief. I'm not an MMA alpha, but, I'm good looking (so she says) successful, in shape/thin, funny, they are baffled why I don't ever have a girlfriend with me. That sort of made sense - if it's true. Thankfully with at least these people she responded, "I can tell you first hand he's not gay, he's just very selective." She gets point there.

I've been doing so well being single. I really have. Even doing well since dropping the dating rope last year. But holy heck, do I need to at least get a GF for a couple of months here?

As I thought of it though, I'm guilty of the same thing with this lady I met a year ago and for many of the same reasons. Perhaps the world has gotten so accepting of this stuff that no GF in an otherwise "catch" means he's gay?

I'll still respond with part II and to JRuss's great comments. Just need to firmly get myself away from the window so as to not get back out on the ledge.

[Holding]

Don, why don't you ask your FWB to go on the cruise?

[DonH]

Don, why don't you ask your FWB to go on the cruise?

Way ahead of you - I did. That's partly why we were talking about it. She's considering it but, let's just say, it's complicated. Otherwise she'd be perfect.

[DonH]

Well I may have another story that tops the "Is Don gay" story I posted a few months back. In fact, this one just makes no sense.

So I'm talking with a friend I've known for over 30 years. We clearly have chemistry but she was first dating and then married to a good friend of mine. He died suddenly about 15 years ago and she later married HIS best friend. She's flirty and such but I know her current husband just as well as the first (as they were best friends) and there is no fear of any lines being crossed. In fact I dated her friend a bit last summer - and talked about it here.

So, I'm now 55, SD about to be 33 in a few days and SS is 31. She knows I'm not looking for a soul mate - although I sometimes have wondered if she thinks what she wants. She's smart, but perhaps a bit ditsy as this story may show.

So anyhow, we are both past due to catch up and I heard that her and her husband may be going on that cruise I'm performing on (and still need a date for) that I spoke about. As we are texting to set up a lunch get-together, she out of nowhere asks me if I'm dating the keyboard players daughter. Now let me add, this daughter is about 30, recently D, three kids in their single digits, no job, impulsive, tatted up and pierced, just on and on. Pretty much the opposite of anyone I'd date - let alone younger than my step-kids. I could not believe it. I'm like where in the heII did that come from? "I Just thought maybe" was all she had.

Perhaps you would have to know me and everyone involved but this is the most unlikely person for me. Yet, she thinks otherwise? Really makes me wonder, how do people REALLY see me? Is perception really reality? One thinks I'm gay, another thinks I'd date a train wreck half my age with three kids - who also happens to be the daughter of a life-long friend and co-worker? Huh?

I'm stumped, but will revisit and ask when we meet for lunch. I clearly need to re-think allowing her to set me up with anyone. Holy Heck. Now that she really has, but she does try and does ask.

Have a short list of possible candidates for the cruise. One, I'm actually going to pursue - I think. I've known her for a couple of years, she actually cuts my hair. I am very comfortable with her. Thing is, like so many women I meet, she doesn't seem to be interested in dating ANYONE. She's been D'd for awhile and from what I can tell has not dated anyone. She did seem to show some interest, however. Will see. We do seem to have a lot in common, including neither of us out looking for our next spouse. I think it will mostly come down to her comfort level. Not with me - with anyone.

I've been very slow with work and slow just breeds laziness. The less I do, the less I want to do. It's okay as that won't last forever. It's just a phase I'm in - and have been in since about November - wow 5 months already!

Lightly thinking of dipping my toe back in OLD - very lightly - as in just a thought. It didn't work the first or second time so I'm not sure why I think the 3rd time's the charm, but I've not been on a date since like October so...

Wish I had more of an update. Hope you enjoyed my latest head scratcher. Looks like it's nearly time for a new thread as well. Perhaps that will be the start of something new for me as well???

[Ginger1]

I don't think the people others want to set you up with is a reflection of what they think about you. I have noticed people automatically think 2 single people of the opposite sex is a match. Why not set them up?

And invite whoever you think you would have the most fun with on the cruise. Don't worry if there is potential for something romantic, just bring a fun friend who could possibly be your wingman.

I wish I could be that friend!

[DonH]

I'm temped at first to say brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? But it is pretty obvious and I should have seen it myself. So perhaps brilliant observation of the obvious? Thinking back I've had so many people knee jerk with something like so and so is single. As if that's the only criteria!

To be honest, I've not given a lot more thought to the cruise. Mostly because it's still 9 plus months away. Friends brought it up again last night. I think I've already laid out the dilemmas here - mostly married friends or in an R. After the gay question, I'm not taking a guy. Lol. But even a friend like you G - then what happens if you start dating someone in October or November? What will he think of his GF sharing a cabin with a guy? And honestly even with friends I'd feel bad if by some chance I met someone on board and kinda left them. That would not be nice. Put yourself in that sitch, while you might be happy for me you'd have to feel left out. I know I would so I'd hate to do that to anyone. It really is more complicated but I'd still take one of my female friends and honestly think that's where this may end up. For whatever reason I really have this calm feeling that everything will work out. I just do. Time will tell.

Still in semi awe of that great observation - two single people of opposite sex are automatically a match. I've seen that and had that happen often. If only it were that simple.

[25yearsmlc]

I need to read back over this thread to see where you are headed and THEN i'll address the cruise issue(s).

Last weekend I helped out at the family cidery/distillery. Where I was, only hard cider is served. Someone arrived already on something (there are wineries nearby, too) and 911 had to be called for her unresponsiveness. Pretty scary and there was a lesbian police officer who asked me out.

Hmm, I decided it was flattering.

Because otherwise it's going to make me feel like 1) I'm not looking as feminine as I feel

or that 2) simply not wearing a wedding ring means I MUST want to date someone...anyone...

Don, Maybe you need to wear more manly cologne, (or sweat and smell more) or talk about steaks and cars, & tell people you hate decorating??

I'm temped at first to say brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? But it is pretty obvious and I should have seen it myself. So perhaps brilliant observation of the obvious? Thinking back I've had so many people knee jerk with something like so and so is single. As if that's the only criteria!

God, I hope not. I set up an online profile and said "No thanks" to atheists, workaholics, smokers, and people closer in age to my kids than to me.

Guess I'm picky! But I am dating a nice guy, and seems like he's my bf. I say "seems" b/c we have no exclusivity arrangement as we have both come out of long marriages.

But we do hang out quite a lot. It's a calm R, and mostly drama free.

A LOT of communication happens that is needed b/c we don't have the decades of history x and I did.

I miss the shared history I had with x. So much, at times it hurts. I have had dreams of him that made me miss him.

Then I had to b1tchslap myself with reality and remind myself "yes, x was really funny and handsome and blah blah blah

AND ALSO he became really mean and was dishonest for SO LONG..." And it's all pretty crazy, when I think about it honestly.

You are not in crazy land Don. But what do YOU think is holding you back from dating more?


To be honest, I've not given a lot more thought to the cruise. Mostly because it's still 9 plus months away. Friends brought it up again last night. I think I've already laid out the dilemmas here - mostly married friends or in an R. After the gay question, I'm not taking a guy. Lol. But even a friend like you G - then what happens if you start dating someone in October or November? What will he think of his GF sharing a cabin with a guy?


She tells him on their 3rd date that oh btw, she's going on a cruise in the fall...and is sharing a cabin with a friend.

...Oh, & the friend is "an older man" (Don, if you are 2 days older than me, you're "an older man" so don't be offended. It's to lower the resistance of the new BF that G doesn't have yet, ).
the sooner it gets put out there, the less complaining is allowed.

And we are sort of borrowing a problem, aren't we??






And honestly even with friends I'd feel bad if by some chance I met someone on board and kinda left them. That would not be nice. Put yourself in that sitch, while you might be happy for me you'd have to feel left out. I know I would so I'd hate to do that to anyone.

does this^^^ happen that often? Geez, I have been on cruises but I guess always with family or my mom. Still, do people HOOK UP "for real" on cruises so that this "problem" is a realistic obstacle?


It really is more complicated


but...is it?

[JujuB]

I know it's 9 months away, but this is easy...take a female friend if neither of you have significant others.

I am sure there are tons of things to do on a cruise for the friend if you do meet someone or want to go off on your own... judt dpell it out before u go

Most people would love some quiet reading in the sun by themselves!