Advice on my scenario - Narc / Limerence?

[ForGump]

You got together very fast.
Things seemed perfect.
She got bored of you and started cheating just 6 month into the marriage.
Your wife can't stand to be alone.
She has extreme outbursts of anger.

These are all symptoms of a mental illness called Borderline Personality Disorder.

She is not going to come back. You are deluding yourself. If she came back, then she'd leave again as soon as her emotional high wears off.

Get professional help for yourself and for your son, because you are being damaged by her. Move on with your life for your son's sake.

I'm sorry.

[OrangeK]

Although i agree the likelyhood of her coming home and maiintating a healthy relationship are pretty slim, i dont thnik she has BPD.
She doesnt ever really have angry reactions to things. She is very passive aggressive, and non confrontational.
The only thing i think i mentioned that could be construed as an "angry outburst" is the implimentation of the T.R.O.
that was not done in any angry fashion, manipulative, yes certainly, but there was never any anger. Anger isnt really part of her MO.
She will avoid at all costs, lie, and manipulate, but its always done in a discreet and careful manner.

i spent a lot of time looking into personality disorders, and though she may have some traits, i have found the stories here more accurate to my situation.

in my personal opinion, she got cold feet after the fact, got bored and unhappy, started an affair she didnt intend on getting caught in, and now that she did everything she has done has been to divert attention away from the mess shes made or to lie to make it look different than it is.
All of her reactions speak to me of desperation, fear and lacking better options at the time.

I am just GAL'ing and focusing on enjoying the spring time with my son, i may go on a few dates. Just focusing on self improvement. I will update here as things develop.
"First appearance" for D is tomorrow.

[artista]

angry outbursts aren't a necessary trait of BPD... she does seem to have extreme reactions... on top of her slim chance of returning to you, that you make excuses for her, make allowances for her poor behavior/character, make that slim chance just about anorexic... you get? you are weak option B... no bueno for you...

--artista

[OrangeK]

Artista,

You have made your point quite clear on how you think she operates. I have stated several times i am doing my own thing. i have disconnected. i want to make my family work for my sons sake, if she is unwilling to participate or put effort into that, than so be it. She can do her own thing, i know that i am a good husband, a good father and a good man. If she chooses to be alone, or with OM, thats her prerogative.
The way she hurt me, lied, and caused all this drama is her mess to clean up. If she ever decides to come and work on things, i will be here to discuss them, however any sort of R of our M will require colossal amounts of effort, dedication, honesty and transparancy from her to achieve, which i personally don't believe her capable of, but im willing to give the benefit of the doubt, and time. Those things i have in abundance.
If i meet some one new during this time that becomes a rel relationship, i will pursue that.
I am focused on my son and myself.

I have observed traits of BPD or NPD in her but you nor i are a medical professional to definitively make that call.
I owe it to the vows i spoke and the family we share to at least give her time to go on her destructive journey and whatever outcome she comes out with, i will be there to help her parent, be it as a spouse or a friend. I refuse to give in to vengeance hate and apathy on behalf of my son. He deserves to see his father as the rock in the tide, the immovable object faced with an unstoppable force.
He needs to see his father as a stoic symbol of honor and patience. that is what i shall be. I will be the pariah of his pain if i need to, if i need to take more punishment myself to spare him, i will do that.

[OrangeK]

I now have my MIL texting me asking about how we plan on filing taxes. I cannot legally speak to W, or be in the same room. If this was a priority it could have been brought up several times over the past 3 months. SMH.......

[artista]

Artista,

You have made your point quite clear on how you think she operates. I have stated several times i am doing my own thing. i have disconnected. i want to make my family work for my sons sake,

let me be more than quite clear... i want you to make your family work too... it is my point of view, mainly based on my experience as a former Wayward Wife who made her way back to her family, that you are not helping your cause... i see you hurting your chances of saving your family... telling yourself things to make yourself feel better about your situation is not helping you... making excuses for your cheating wife is not helping you... unless your are honest with yourself about your situation, you may as well be a fish without a bicycle, because her without you is just like that... you get?

--artista, who is bowing out...

bueno suerte... adelante...

[OrangeK]

I am open to advice.
What do you see that i am doing that are hurting my chances of saving my family?

Let me be blunt in my question then.
In your opinion, What specifically am i doing wrong vs. what am i not doing that i should be??

[OrangeK]

My question, My WW has twice asked me for a divorce, and gotten angry once when i put it on hold the first time.
If she wants out of the M, to be with OM (shes living with him)
why doesn't she take the initiative to file D papers?
Why make me do it, and now I'm regretting filing after finding this forum and all the advice about waiting and being patient.

I am now considering another hold, or withdrawing them completely.
Even if D is inevitable, I think its only fair the person who wants the Divorce should be the one to get the ball rolling.
Seems like shes avoiding taking responsibility for the decisions she made and lied for months about.

Thoughts?

[Cadet]

My question, My WW has twice asked me for a divorce, and gotten angry once when i put it on hold the first time.
If she wants out of the M, to be with OM (shes living with him)
why doesn't she take the initiative to file D papers?
Why make me do it, and now I'm regretting filing after finding this forum and all the advice about waiting and being patient.

I am now considering another hold, or withdrawing them completely.
Even if D is inevitable, I think its only fair the person who wants the Divorce should be the one to get the ball rolling.
Seems like shes avoiding taking responsibility for the decisions she made and lied for months about.

Thoughts?

Because part of the WAS script is for everything to be your fault.

Try reading this thread
Midlife for Dummies


Also best to stick to one thread until 100 posts, your threads were merged.

[OrangeK]

Ok, got through the first appearance, which was less than i expected. W was there but we didnt cross paths, as her version of the first appearance was done via video thanks to the TRO.
Lots of emotions i had packed away came bubbling back up on the drive back home.
i still feel forced or coerced into this, but it feels like its the course things are going to take regardless of what i do.
So on with the current path i guess, im still wrestling with putting it on hold till the domestic thing is cleared up and my name is cleared from wrongdoing i did not commit, thereby simplifying the divorce process.