Well he called twice actually tonight the 1st he said hello I said hello and he asked how are you and I said I’m good so then he hung up. Then 15 min later he called back and said he had to plug phone in I said okay. He asked where I was at I said upstairs. He said who is there. I said Sister is at a meeting and Brother in law just got home from work and making himself dinner. He said okay. He said work has been busy with weather. I said I imagine so. He said how is your medical stuff I said tackling one thing at a time and he ask did you see neurologist surgeon yet I said yes I go back to him on 20th. He said okay.
He said well you wanted to talk about finances. I said yes I did before. He said well I’m not stealing anything. I said didn’t say you were just wanted to go over statements.
I said just need to know the plan.
He said well the plan is I am paying the bills because they are my responsibility and you need medical coverage so I am not going to be sh@tty like you think I am and leave you without coverage.I said I didn’t say you were sh@ty and thank you for letting me know. He said well I know you don’t trust me and I don’t trust you but I don’t want you to be scared.
I said please don’t assume anything about me and honestly yes I was scarred because it took me off guard when you didn’t give me key to place, said your happier alone and didn’t want to sleep in bed with me and then left. He said where did you hear that from me. I said yes. He said okay.He I know you think I am not right in the head but actually I am doing much better and when you came down to Florida it sealed the deal. I said you mean the full blown panic attack from me & being sick. He said it was more than that and you hate Florida. So I said okay.
He said I didn’t call to argue and I said I’m not arguing just trying to find solution and understanding.I said if this isn’t a good time to talk we can talk another time.He said well I don’t what or who is listening or what point your trying to make. I said Scott I see it differently but understand your feelings. He said what do you understand? I said that your not happy and rather be alone. I just wanted to know the game plan on finances.He said well if you feel we need to discuss a separation of assets so you feel safe we can.I said well have you spoken to anyone formally about it and he said no as I am not in nj and neither are you and I don’t know if I can get back to nj for a few weeks and I need to text Lorraine to tell her not to kill herself shoveling a unoccupied house.
I said would you like me to talk with an attorney. He said if that makes you feel safer as I’m not stealing money I fact the cc Bill is less this month and will be less next month and I been using another cc since mine was stolen and I gave to Stacy. I said okay well my new card hasn’t come in yet and I haven’t touched accounts as I want sure if you were serious about me taking most the savings getting my own checking etc or just annoyed and venting. I said I haven’t seen statements. He said well I haven’t spoken to anyone Amy! I sent the taxes to Deb I said okay thank you.
I said so your gonna keep paying bills, mail the statements to me and let me know about stock options.He said yes but I am not going to have to answer to you.
I said not asking you too however the 401k savings assets and debts are mine too so I have a right to know and it sounds like your annoyed so we can talk another time.I said hope you have a good work week and he said okay hope your medical visit go well and I said thanks bye and hung up.
Last edited by job; 03/13/1806:27 AM. Reason: edited for language and spaces between paragraphs
As a gentle reminder, we have all walks of life that post here as well as lurkers. The DB Forums have some of the most wonderful people posting, but we do tend to sometimes get caught up in the moment and forget what we accepted in the "terms and conditions" for posting here.
One of the "terms and conditions" that is in the Policies thread that Cadet has posted is stated as: "Participants shall treat each other with respect, refraining from rudeness and foul language."
I realize that we all tend to forget that we aren't sitting around w/a group of friends just shooting the breeze and anything that we say is okay, however, we do need to be mindful of those who do come here to read our postings and sometimes the language can be offensive to others.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You don’t get over it, you just get through it. You don’t get by it, because you can’t get around it. It doesn’t ‘get better’; it just gets different. Everyday… Grief puts on a new face… – Wendy Feireisen
When is a good time to reach out to H and let him know what I want and ask him questions such as this information? A goal I would like to achieve is to decrease or eliminate hurtful and destructive interactions and increase pleasant times together and to do so as quickly and painlessly as possible. While we have different perspectives I was thinking back to times when we got along and how differently we acted towards each other. We use to spend more time together, we loved being together and it actually didn’t matter what we were doing.We made each other feel important, we talk a lot about what was going in the world and mutually respected each others jobs and interest. I have no interest in focusing on the past, holding grudges or resentment.
What is different about the times when we get along ? What was I dong differently? What did the two of us like doing together when he felt we had good times? Is it fair to think that each others should try to meet each others specific needs to find a common ground but also understand it doesn’t mean it should be only my way or only his way?
Just my two cents worth. If you do what you are considering it could be a HUGE mistake. If this is truly a MLC issue then there is no good time to reach out. No relationship talks, no questions, no initiating anything. He has a lot to figure out and if you don't leave him be then it might never work out.
I read this somewhere recently - your ONLY chance for reconciliation is to back way off and give him SPACE.
It takes patience - it's a very long journey. Live your own life as if he is never coming back.
If your spouse is truly in MLC, he's not going to want to listen to a word you have to say. The more you push for answers or talking about the relationship, the more he's going to distance himself and what he has to say may not be what you want to hear. Don't give him any more justification for leaving...just leave him be. Allow him to work on himself and he can't do that if he's trying to figure out ways to side step you and your "talks". The best thing to do is give him all the space he needs.
Dig very deep for patience because this is not a sprint...but a marathon and it will not end soon, but could take years for him to work through his issues. Again, just leave him totally alone and allow him to come to you when he's ready. The more you listen, the more you will learn from him.
Keep the focus on you and live your life as if he may not return.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Adios & job, I appreciate your input and will just leave him alone. He does contact me via email regarding taxes, or finances so I just do my best and keep my words respectful and minimal.
H50 M52 M30 years H PA 2012 S 3 months 2012 R 2012 H EA ? 9/2017 same person as before BD 2:18
Tonight thoughts Praying for peace in eaxh iOS your hearts, protection and guidance. Getting a life by rediscovering what love means to oneself and understanding that in a healthy relationship it’s bringing your happiest best self to a relationship and choosing to walk beside another person while they walk their own individual journey that is ever changing.
Right now I am happy working on my physical health, finding peace in recognizing my flaws are part of me but don’t define me.
H is reaching out to family members to ask if I need anything and how I am doing. Not sure if it’s actaully caring or guilt but either way I surrounding myself with people who think more of me then myself and hope I will soon recognize my own value.
Last edited by job; 04/05/1812:35 AM. Reason: added space between paragraphs
