Spring Cleaning

[DonH]

I don't think you've failed Ginger - at least not yet and at least not with this. Now if you let him talk you into seeing him again or continuing to date, then yes, you will have failed. I think it's good that you were honest with him. That is productive and may help him. Of course I'm speaking from my point of view. I'd love to know if there are things I'm doing that turn women off - not for the current woman but for the future. But that's me. Talking with him on the phone is okay - especially since you didn't want to do this over text. Just because the norm today may be to do things like text message break ups does not mean we all need to start doing that.

All that said, dont get into a long discussion on the phone tonight. Tell him how you feel, that this decision is final, that you wish him the best, but FOR YOU, he is not a match. Don't do a half hour convo, etc. that's a fail. So far I don't think it is.... Well except for this...

Why did you let it go this far? If anything is a fail, that may be. Other than perhaps one date, you knew all along he was not anything serious. It's great and the right thing to have given him a chance - as in another date or two. But somehow that turned into weekend sleep overs. That's very confusing to me. Imagine what it's like for him? This is why I think talking to him a bit is the right thing to do. That's just me. Three dates does not = much discussion. Multiple sleep overs = at least some break up talk. Call me old fashioned, it's just how I'd feel and what I'd do. I also think far higher of anyone who did that for me.

So the real pass/fail test is tonight. You owe nothing more than about five minutes on the phone - and only that because you agreed to it. Do not feel sorry for him and if you do, you'll only make it worse giving him false hope. Be firm.

[DonH]

Hmmmmmm so I'm really wondering how the phone call went last night. Bet others here are too. Rather than guess, hopefully you'll catch us up on it all. Or are you and flaccid out to dinner? . I don't think we ever came up with a name for him so I took some liberties with that.

[Ginger1]

Inquiring minds want to know, huh?

Well, the call didn't happen the original night, I was too sick, coughing every time I spoke. But it did happen last night.

And by your definition, I guess I failed. But I discussed it with some friends, and maybe I didn't. We did have a mature adult conversation about my concerns. I was very open and honest, and I do believe he was too. I'll spare the details, but he absolutely understand where I am coming from, even saying himself I have these concerns because of the way I am raising my daughter and how I live for more than myself. He basically wants to help himself. He wants to feel good and wants to make lifestyle changes. He opened up a lot, and I saw some passion there. About the things he does love in life 9aside from video games) and how he is content doing sales as long as he isn't selling BS and he could come home at the end of the day feeling like he made a difference.

I have been honest with guys in my life. I was honest with the first guy I had real feelings for, and it never ended in my favor. It was always a "I can't give you that". I was honest with exNG about what I needed from him. He already had someone waiting in the wings, so he was able to just say goodbye. My exH was a whole other story. But when I became true and hones tot myself, that was when he quit.

But I gotta give props for this guy for not getting defensive, for understanding, for opening up, and for wanting to try. I think I would almost be a fool to not give a guy who listened, understood, and agreed and wants to make a change a chance. He also said, without my prompting, "I know talk is cheap and seeing an actual change is what you need".

I also told him in no way would I be his "mommy" telling him not to eat this and not to eat that, that all choices he makes for him are for him because he wants to.

And I was very very very honest to tell him I know how he has a "problem" that he has the power to fix, but he is choosing not to, and that is shows me he couldn't care about me. He said he didn't know him not taking care of it was hurtful to me.

So, Yeah, I guess I failed. But I really don't have much to lose giving him a chance. I either become attracted, or I don't and he is not for me. He has his good qualities where he is patient and understanding of the fact I can't see him all that often in the upcoming weeks, and that I probably won't be ready to introduce D10 in a long time.

OK, so maybe I did detail it a bit.

Oh, and Don, our "sleepovers" which have been few, I do not feel has made any difference one way or another.

And thanks for the name. My cousin kindly named him Mr. Softee.

[Ginger1]

I'm just rambling, journaling to myself.

I have been feeling absolutely awful about myself physically. I don't even want to look in the mirror. I realize I have kind of let go really taking care of appearance. Sure, I wear makeup and dress clothes to work, but I hate it. ON the weekends, I ma in workout clothes I Cannot stand the extra weight on me. I hate not being able to work out. It has been so hard on me physically and mentally. I can't explain it. Everywhere I go, strangers actually comment on my limp. A guy at work saw me walking in the building the other day and said "oh my God, are you ok?!" he thought I hurt myself. I was a strong athletic woman. It's mostly gone. Now, I am partially handi-capped. ANd it emotionally hurts more than any of the physical discomfort.

Yesterday I decided to get my hair treatment so I can start doing it more often and just look and feel better. I am going to get a facial soon, as I have a gift-certificate. I have been intermittent fasting this week to get some of this weight off of me. I might even get my nails done again. I want to feel somewhat attractive, because I am know I am not reflecting it on the inside or outside.

Work has been a morale destroyer too. We are all looking for other jobs. We think the woman we hate is going to be announced as manager next week. Our job has changed to where everyone dumps their garbage problems on our department. I have 2 applications out there for internal transfer and I am keeping my fingers crossed. I can't go on the vacation I was planning on going with my friends because of their dumb rules around these roll outs. We were told yesterday we better start using our vacation in april and may because we are going to have lot of black out months and we will lose out vacation. The good news is I decided to rebook my FL trip for the first weekend in May. I am excited for that. Shouldn't be any nor'easters, but who knows!

This was just my vent. I still count my blessings. But it's hard not feeling good physically and emotionally.

[job]

Ginger,

I am glad to read that you are going to start getting your hair treatments again and are thinking of other things to make yourself feel better. It's time to "make yourself" get out there and do those things that made you feel better about yourself. Yes, you've kind of let things go, but spring is around the corner and you need to do these things for yourself. When you feel good about yourself...others notice and are/will be attracted to you.

Rebook your trip to Fla today. Don't wait another minute. You need something to look forward to and yes, it's time to do this. Can you book a couple mini trips between now and May? I'm sure you have friends that are more than happy to have you come visit within driving distance.

As for your job...keep applying for other positions. Spring brings opportunities for change because people are thinking of relocating after schools close and they want to get relocated before the fall terms begin.

The vent is warranted and now it's time to put your new plans in motion.

[Coconut]

Without the valleys we wouldn't appreciate the peaks as much . I know you're just venting, but i wanted to let you know I'm rooting for things to start going your way.

Are you getting the surgery soon? Hopefully that will help you back to the active person just waiting to get out and bust azz.

Where in FL are you headed? If it's the Miami / Ft. Lauderdale area I can give some ideas of places to go, things to do, if you would like.

[Ginger1]

Thank C-nut and Job. I'm slowly starting to take care of myself again. I do get to the gym when I can and do what I can when I am there. Next weekend is my girls getaway to AC. I hope to visit a certain friend up in CT in the coming weeks too.

Ic an only apply internally for 2 jobs at a time, and I found a 3rd I am interested in, so I have to push along the other ones. Sometimes, the applications sit on the managers desk, it keeps it in "under review" status, and I can't apply to additional jobs.

I am going to Jacksonville to visit a friend. On Cinco De Mayo, we are driving down to Universal and going to Margaritaville! I am looking forward to it, and hopefully my body will be as bikini ready as it gets, lol.

My surgery is in exactly 2 weeks. ABout a 4-6 week recovery and I am hoping to not be limping anymore and building myself back up to more intense exercise.

The bomb drop was 10 years ago today. I'll never forget it, where I was, what we were doing, what we watching..... it was the day my life changed forever. It was the day I called my dad hysterical and put my 6 month old baby in the car to go live with them for 2 and a half months. I never lived under the same roof as exH again.

I made it 10 years. I made it through a really tough 10 years. That, well, I am very proud of. Because back then, I never though I would make it here intact.

[job]

Ginger,

I wanted to circle back around and let you know that on March 1, 2018, at 4:19 PM, I removed from this thread double postings from a troll. The troll's user name was GunJen and this person was advertising on how to your X back with several emails that you could contact them on.

GunJen targeted you and evidently had been reading your postings how frustrated you were about dating and finding the right person. I am glad that you did not have any info on your thread that would have helped this poster to find a way to contact you. This user did not post to any other thread on the two forums that I moderate or I would have received a notification to review the posting.

I copied and forwarded the posting to Virginia to let her know what I had done. If you would like a copy of the posting, I will be happy to message you via FB and send it on to you so that you can see just what kind of trolls we have that visit periodically.

[Dawn70]

Thank C-nut and Job. I'm slowly starting to take care of myself again. I do get to the gym when I can and do what I can when I am there. Next weekend is my girls getaway to AC. I hope to visit a certain friend up in CT in the coming weeks too.

Ic an only apply internally for 2 jobs at a time, and I found a 3rd I am interested in, so I have to push along the other ones. Sometimes, the applications sit on the managers desk, it keeps it in "under review" status, and I can't apply to additional jobs.

I am going to Jacksonville to visit a friend. On Cinco De Mayo, we are driving down to Universal and going to Margaritaville! I am looking forward to it, and hopefully my body will be as bikini ready as it gets, lol.

My surgery is in exactly 2 weeks. ABout a 4-6 week recovery and I am hoping to not be limping anymore and building myself back up to more intense exercise.

The bomb drop was 10 years ago today. I'll never forget it, where I was, what we were doing, what we watching..... it was the day my life changed forever. It was the day I called my dad hysterical and put my 6 month old baby in the car to go live with them for 2 and a half months. I never lived under the same roof as exH again.

I made it 10 years. I made it through a really tough 10 years. That, well, I am very proud of. Because back then, I never though I would make it here intact.

((((((Ginger))))))) I am not quite 4 years out from bomb drop, but I still think about that day when it rolls around. I can even tell you the approximate time of day it happened. You are doing great. Keep on keepin' on!

[Ginger1]

Ginger,

I wanted to circle back around and let you know that on March 1, 2018, at 4:19 PM, I removed from this thread double postings from a troll. The troll's user name was GunJen and this person was advertising on how to your X back with several emails that you could contact them on.

GunJen targeted you and evidently had been reading your postings how frustrated you were about dating and finding the right person. I am glad that you did not have any info on your thread that would have helped this poster to find a way to contact you. This user did not post to any other thread on the two forums that I moderate or I would have received a notification to review the posting.

I copied and forwarded the posting to Virginia to let her know what I had done. If you would like a copy of the posting, I will be happy to message you via FB and send it on to you so that you can see just what kind of trolls we have that visit periodically.

Thank so much, JOb. I would really appreciate it if you forwarded it to me via messenger.

I have had an incident on here before, and I swore I would never post again. I think I am going ot have my threads deleted again, if possible, JOb.

I'm very grateful for you looking out for me.