Well Latin night was anti-climatic. No ones fault, it was the first time that any of us had been there, so no one knew what to expect. Me being from an area commonly referred to as Northern Cuba, I imagined something similar to past experiences, but I should of known better than to expect such experiences in NC.
Basically it was what I like to call a "hook up house" (local bar where the regulars just looking for hookups), and just another "theme night". Good news is I didn't have to dance, bad news I didn't get to dance.
As I sat there, at the hookup house, I wondered what the "regulars" thought of the life they live, if they had dreams they thought might come true there, or if it was just all about the moment. I really try not to judge, I'm ok with people living their lives, doing what it is that makes them happy, but I often wonder how far past the next 24 hrs some people imagine.
I have had a true one night stand once in my life, it was a surreal experience that I stumbled into at a hook-up house. It wasn't intentional, I was young, about 22, was out with friends partying and we ended up at this local bar not far from closing time. I was drunk when we got there, don't remember much about how I actually met her, but do know that I was dancing with her when "it's closing time" was played. She said she'd like to keep hanging out but we couldn't go to her place, she was very adamant that we couldn't go to her place. I have often wondered since then why we couldn't go to her place, she was my only one night stand, so things have triggered memories of her. After BD, 20 yrs later, I did wonder if she was M, although I didn't have any reason to think so at the time, I just thought it was because she lived with parents.
Anyway, let's just say that was an unfulfilling night for me. Hours and hours of time spent in every position I knew to try, I finally just said forget it and she took off. I knew her for a total of about 4 or 5 hrs total. Nothing about that night made me feel good.
So as I sat at Latin dance night, looking around at all the people (btw woman outnumbered men 2 to 1), I wondered how many MLC people I was observing. The thought of a 30, 40, 50 something person, showing up at a local bar night after night, feeling the rush for one night at a time, only one night at a time, made me sad. I did it once and it made me miserable in the morning (I've walked away from plenty of other "opportunities) and I wonder if they feel that unfulfillment in the morning too, then look for the next rush that night. I don't know, intriguing, I do hope it makes them happy, just not my thing.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Well, you tried something new, outside of your comfort zone and found out it wasn't for you.
We have this very high end steak house nearby in a welthy neighborhood. it has 3 floors, one the dining room, a speakeasy in the basement which is pretty cool, where you would take a date for drinks, and the upstairs which has a DJ. Well, a few years ago we took a friend there for a 30th birthday when it first opened not knowing much about it. We went upstairs and OMG. It was the 45 plus crowd of men and women, the women dressed in the skimpiest clothes ever throwing themselves all of the guys, the guys eating it up, the women so drunk, one was dancing with a wooden pole in a very sexual manner. We just stood there and said "nahhhhh", and went downstairs to the speakeasy. God knows how many were married, recently divorced, cheating, whatever. I am all for having fun and not caring about what other people think, but it was kind of a sad sight. Definitely not my scene.
I have had one night stands (not many). One when I was 20 and the ex and I were "on a break" (as in he wanted to date someone else) a coworker had a friend, (who happened ot be hot as heck and filthy rich) and it was only the second person I ever slept with. I felt absolutely completely dirty. He kept trying to see me again, and I felt so awful, I didn't. I've had 2 others, one was a guy I had known through years, another a coworker. The complete stranger thing is what makes me uneasy.
It's funny, my ex and this one night stand were my only. I figured it would be just those two for the rest of my life. I hate in a way it is not.
I made that about me, somewhat, sorry.
Have you thought about a crossfit/group fitness gym where you work out with the same people all the time? That's how I met FF. But the best part was the girlfriends I made and the group events the gym did. I got into the best shape of my life too. Think about it!
Good on you for trying something different, even if it didn't end up being your cup of tea. New experiences can be a good thing, even if they just show you what you DON'T like. I sometimes wish that I lived in a bigger town so I had more opportunity to try new things. Even though I live in a college town, it is still a very small town, so just not a lot of opportunity out there, especially for a woman of my, uhhhhhhhh, maturity level....yeah, I'm not old, I'm mature. LOL
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Ginger, write what ever you would like; most of my posts to others reflect on my experiences, because that is what I know, and I believe that hearing others experiences helps us understand we are not alone, or how we could do things different, etc. So share away. ____________________________________________________________
Dawn, coming from Ft. Laud, I would say I'm not in a large town either, however, I've been to a lot of the "small towns" around NC and my city does have a lot more going on than those do. _____________________________________________________________
Last Sunday I went to another town about 40 minutes away, I wanted to get some fishing in and there were a couple of places there that I could target specific fish. Unfortunately, 2 of the 3 places I wanted to hit were closed (one was a lake at a vineyard that I didn't know doesn't allow fishing during the winter, and the other was a lock and dam that is under construction). So after fishing the one option I had left for a little while, I decided to grab some lunch.
There's a sushi place in that town that is better than any I've been able to find around me, so I usually stop there to eat when I'm around. I sat at the sushi bar and there was a young lady working that area. When she first spoke to me, I about fell out of my chair, she had the most southern accent I'd ever heard. My town is a military town, so almost no one is from here, so there aren't many with accents.
I love me a southern accent. My first real girlfriend was from NC (trips with her to NC is what made me want to move here), and I guess that since then I've always associated southern accents with that Love. This girl at the restaurant was the most country I'd ever heard. We started chatting and she told me that she grew up out in the country, two stop sign town, and moved to that town to find work. We chatted in between her dealing with customers during my meal and I really enjoyed talking to her... BUT she was around 25
I considered asking for her number, cause I'd love to talk to her more and we did hit it off pretty well, but I just couldn't get past the age difference. But she's been on my mind since. ________________________________________________________
Ok, something else has been on my mind since Ginger mentioned her boundary regarding drug users. I realized that I haven't really tried to define boundaries that I want, so I got to thinking about what are no-go's to me.
I would like to ask you all for your opinions on this, because I'm back and forth on it. Would you date someone who ever divorced because they had an A?
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Ok, something else has been on my mind since Ginger mentioned her boundary regarding drug users. I realized that I haven't really tried to define boundaries that I want, so I got to thinking about what are no-go's to me.
Here's an idea I got from a youtube video: make a list with 2 columns: the traits you want and don't want in a woman. Write down as many things as you can. They can be physical, but include personality and lifestyle choices as well. Then go back and circle the top 10 in each column. This will help you lock down what you're looking for as well as your dealbreakers.
Originally Posted By: Coconut
I would like to ask you all for your opinions on this, because I'm back and forth on it. Would you date someone who ever divorced because they had an A?
As in, would I date someone who had been unfaithful in their M? Absolutely not. Infidelity is a hard stop for me.
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
If I had never experienced what I have, I might have been understanding about the A depending on the circumstances and if there were lessons learned, remorse, ect.
However, I want to minimize my chances of ever going through that again. SO I would have to say a firm "NO".
I would like to ask you all for your opinions on this, because I'm back and forth on it. Would you date someone who ever divorced because they had an A?
Coconut,
I like your question because it's simple and provocative.
First of all, most likely the only way you'd learn about the affair is from the person you're dating. If the person were to tell you about the affair, then I would give them kudos for being forthright and honest. What if you were dating a person who'd had an affair but never told you?
Second, if someone told me they'd had an affair back when they were young and dumb, and were ashamed of what they'd done and didn't make excuses for the affair, then I think that person would be deserving of consideration. That is, if everything else is a good fit.
We've all done things we shouldn't have done and that we're ashamed of; I think it's a bad idea to make a black-and-white decision before it's necessary to make the decision.
