I think you should detach too, but the problem is it is not like turning on a light switch.
I know you don't want to here this but you have to let her go. The more you try to hold onto her the more she is going to try to get away.
The old high school boy friend probably isn't going to work out. They are just trying to relive their youth.
Work on yourself, exercise, eat healthy, read self help books, hang out with friends and family. Become a man that only a fool would leave.
Take it one day at a time and just try to get a little better everyday.
Good luck!
That is all the advice succinctly put, I need to follow. I am GALing like crazy and she is getting all jealous- and rather than go into loads of details I respond with a validation response "I understand you are entitled to your own opinion on this, but I have never lied to you or looked at another woman" Her face was a picture- it is as though she is trying to justify her own infidelity.
M(41), W(37) S (6) D (4) S (2) M-8, T-12 W "I don't love you, I am in love with another man" "I don't know you anymore"
meg24 how are you handling it I see you have kids so he has to have contact with you. We do not have any children and I really worry about no contact when she does move out.
We have minimal contact right now. If H wants to see or talk to the kids, they all have their own phones, they would just check with me first to make sure nothing else is planned. But H never spent time with any of the kids prior to BD, so I don't expect that will change. The only contact I have with H right now is about time with special needs S21 (cognitively he's about 8 or 9), he's having a difficult time with the whole sitch.
Me-44,H-44 S21,S19,S17,D13 M-22,T-29 (off and on prior to M) BD:12-20-17 (H said he had things to work out in his head) H moved out:3-4-18
meg24 sorry to hear that. Are you TLRing or using a coach? I know it is relatively recent that H moved out have you talked? Or following a differnt strategy
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
I'm not initiating any sort of contact with H, unless absolutely necessary. I'm a ghost on Facebook for the last 2 1/2 weeks, for my own mental health and sanity. It has helped tremendously. I am not using a coach, finances don't allow for that right now. But I am in IC. It's more just for me to get things out right now, more than anything. I may be looking for new IC though, as I think I need to begin the Solution-oriented approach.
Me-44,H-44 S21,S19,S17,D13 M-22,T-29 (off and on prior to M) BD:12-20-17 (H said he had things to work out in his head) H moved out:3-4-18
I don't know what to make of this comment when discussing the house, that if we can agree to leaving the horse trailer and horses out here she would pay me a boarding fee. Is it a best case scenario for her where she doesn't have to deal with finding someplace for the horses and good old doormat will take care of things, or she is giving me everything she can to get rid of me. It would mean I would see her when she wanted to ride or just get a horse fix, but if the OM comes with I don't know how I would react.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
along, that one is up to you, about your boundaries and what you can handle. Personally I'd make it painful for her, not in spiteful way but in a "decisions have consequences" way. If you choose A, B will happen.
If we decide to divorce there will be too much on my plate to also look after horses, so they will need to be boarded elsewhere. Cause and effect.
Don't do it mean, don't do it vengefully, but keep your needs at the forefront and do it calmly, cooly, but firmly.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Well here goes the second bomb. She texted me first thing this morning that she will have the attorney draw up the paperwork for divorce. She has yet to say the D word to me. This after we made the decision on the house and horses. I want to keep working the TLR technique but am very discouraged and feel hopeless this morning. Not sure which way to go, what to do.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
along, saying she will do something and actually doing it are two different things.
Believe NONE of what they say, and only 1/2 of what they do!
When you get served you will know she filed. She can talk all she wants. But remember the house? "I think I can afford it to keep it myself!" Then the next morning: "No I can't."
She knows she still controls your emotions. Likely she is texting you that to try to get you to agree to keep boarding the horses.
Stick to your guns. Detach! GAL. Move forward. She is going to do what she is going to do. Don't dwell on it, just live your life.
You are about a month behind me in regard to timing. (My BD was 12/23, MERRY CHRISTMAS!). It gets easier as you go. Yes, I still have bad days but they are getting fewer and further between.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve85 at this point I believe she will do it. She may regret it later but right now she believes this is what she has to do. She wants to be with the OM. I have had little success with detaching techniques so far I know I havent been at it long enough, but am beginning to believe that she will not respond. Can you refresh me on your sitch.
---------------- Me-53 W-50 T-16 M-13 Bomb drop 1-16-18 Discovered EA 1-23-18 Discovered PA 2-2-18 Still involved with OM WW moved out 3-29-18
