I was addicted to video games twice in my life... the first time was mid 80's (around 12yo), Super Mario Bros had just come out and me and all my friends were obsessed with it. We played it a lot, as well as some other games, for about 6 mos to a year then started finding our way back to our bikes and the basketball court. Pretty normal video game addiction.
The second time was about 4 or 5 years into my M. It provided me a fantasy escape from my life, I played pretty regularly until BD. I haven't really played since, I mean a few times but I now take responsibility for my life and don't find the fantasy appealing anymore. Not normal for an adult man to have a video game addiction, it is an escape.
With that said, I am glad you decided to stay with POF guy. I previously commented that it isn't helpful to stick around someone you aren't into.. But I think I may be changing the way I see this.
You obviously aren't stopping him from bettering himself, as he doesn't seem to be concerned with the way he is, and if you want some company and he provides that company, then good on you.
Don't Settle, but if you can find happiness for today, I'm happy for you.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
C=nut, I admit, I was too, addicted to Super Mario Brothers, then Sonic the Hedgehog when Sega Genesis came out. As an only child, I needed some form of entertainment.
You know, I would like to help him better himself. I know it isn't my job, but if he wanted help, I wouldn't certainly give it. Hey, I am not the epitome of health, I've got meat on my bones and I am a sugar addict. I can't do much about his motivation to find a job and succeed in it.
Seriously, we don't have all that much in common. He is a sweet guy with good intentions. Have I let go of him yet? NO. Is it horribly selfish? probably. We just don't have that connection either. But, I can't see him for a while, and I feel as if we are free to date, so he could knock himself out. I would accept a date from someone else. But I think he might even know that he needs to have a job to get a date.......
Anywasy, power came back on Monday night, but I was at mu friends. Last night was my first night at home. I had to get rid of all the food from the fridge and freezer and start over. I bought some staples, but that's it for now. Today I am working form home since we have a noreaster. Lots of snow coming down heavy and fast.
ExH and I got in a fight yesterday. I can't believe he could still get under my skin. I ws running all over stressed as heck, trying ot get the fridge cleaned out, get dinner for all the kids, and grocery shop, and get D10 to her cooking class. I speak to exH and D10 left her book for her assignment at his house and she needs it done by Friday and she wasn't seeing him before then. He preceeds to tell me he can't keep coming to drop the stuff off she forgets. He tells me "it's not FAIR need to come when she forgets something, you should too" I got angry. NOt fair? I asked him who always gets our daughter everything she needs, appointment and activity wise? I asked if it was fair that after I pick her up, I drive her to your house to pick up what she needs, then drive back, make her dinner, get her to her activities and the such? He only had ot say for himself "you just don't like it when you hear something you don't like".
Well, no sh!t Sherlock, think before you speak! Well, I texted him. Against my better judgement, but I was fuming. I said " in the 10 years I have been raising our daughter pretty much single-handedly, I never once got a thank you or an ounce of appreciation. I learned to live with that. But telling me I am not doing my fair share? That's a kick in the gut. You are right, I did not like hearing that and no one in my position would."
Of course he didn't answer. But he was trying to text gabby, but she was at cooking class (where I take her on Tuesday night and paid for in full because he is "kind of poor" right now). He just texted me "tell D10 to look at her phone" He was coming to drop off the book. He comes over later, I was in the kitchen, he hands it to her, (I don't hear any of this) and she comes in the kitchen crying. "Daddy said to me not to text him goodnight later, I'm saying it now". H is lucky I did not hear that because I would have went nuts! he is so lucky to have a child who wants to text him before she goes to sleep! She was so hurt by this. I can't stand him. Now I am texting him about a doctors appointment and what day he is taking next week, and he won't answer.
So that's my long-winded soap opera. I just remember when D10 was 6 months old, I asked myself "how am I going ot get through 18 years of dealing with this man?" Well, I have made it 10, I am over halfway there!
Gosh, G...sounds like my prize-winning XH has gotten a divorce from his latest tart and you have found him. LOL Just kidding, but I'm not far off. My XH is a gaming addict and is ALWAYS on his phone or Ipad...or at least was when we were married and by all accounts still is. I just don't have to deal with it anymore. Not my circus, not my monkeys. LOL
I don't blame you for hanging in there. I have a hard time stepping back too. And, it gave you some company during a stressful time, so that can't be all bad. Do what you need to do.
As for your XH....well, bless his heart...................
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Ugh. Its one thing when they act like an a-hole to us. But its tough seeing them be that way to their own child. Just further proof that it is all them.
Im sorry your daughter has a father like that. But she got extra lucky with you as a mom. I think one great parent can definitly make up for it. Imagine if you guys were still together and you had to support him when he behaved that way? Had to show a united front. At least now you can show her different. Not sure the wording to use on a child though.
My son is 7 now. His dad is not rude. Just uninvolved. Thats how he was with me. Well i will tell you my son knows this. He tells me 4th of july (which he spends with his dad) is his special holiday with grandma. He has told me that if daddy ever killed me he wouldnt be his daddy anymore. And he frequently tells me that he loves me the most. (I tell him he has so Much love in him that he can love everyone) My son seems to hold a grudge just like me. Or more likely, his dad just ignores him so he never really got attached.
It [censored] that they dont have things perfect. But You know what, the world is just not perfect. And like everything we can use it as a way to teach them.
Thank you, Juju. I am praying that what I give my daughter is enough and she doesn't have daddy issues. I can see these issues extending into bad relationships with men, where she is treated like crap and tries to win them over. I hope to God I can show her how to be a strong woman and not take that kind of crap.
Don't you notice how maybe at one point we thought it was us, but when we see them repeat the same behaviors with our kids, we realize it is THEM. Maybe we didn't always handle it the way we should, but my ex treats our daughter the same way he treated me and from what my daughter says, he also treats this wife like that. It makes me so incredibly sad and guilty feeling.
Anyways, my state is mass chaos. We got over 2 feet of snow, there are tons without power in the freezing cold with a weeks restoration time (thank god we didn't lose it again) but we have no cable/internet for at least a week, may that be the worst of our problems. This one heck of a March. It's nice to see neighbors offering up warmth and shelter, I offered anyone to come by on our towns FB page. If just to warm up or get a shower. We are a small town where everyone knows everyone so its safe. The kids had no school for 2 days, and a delayed opening today. It's just awful and very unsettled. I am back to work today. Having dinner with friends tonight. I need ot unwind with some adults for a bit! I think ex might feel a little bad because he is willing all of a sudden to take D10 to her early Dr's apt tomorrow. I'll meet them from there and take her form there.
I have also come to a sad realization. I don't think I am meant for a relationship. For whatever reason, I haven't had one decent one in my life and I am 38. Maybe it's just not in the cards. Or maybe "my time" is when I am older and my kid is out of the house. I am seriously done dealing with losers and maybe there is something about me that just doesn't make relationship material. Loyalty only gets you so far, I guess.
Lord, G....get out of my head! LOL I SWEAR we are the same person. I could have typed that last paragraph and have said it more than once in my life. Thing is, I do honestly believe that there is someone for everyone, but I usually joke that my someone is either in prison where he can't get to me or locked in an asylum or something. He's just not finding me and I'm not finding him either, so that must be why, right? LOL Only difference is that I'm 10 years older than you, so I probably don't have as much time to figure it out as you do. But, hang in there! I know it sounds cliché, but it is NOT you. It really isn't. Maybe it sounds a little too fairy-tale/storybook romantic, but I do believe there is someone for everyone and when the time is right, that person will come into your life. Don't give up hope, but even more importantly than that, don't settle. You are a fantastic woman who some man will be so incredibly lucky to have in his life some day. Hang on to that and go on about your business holding your head high, enjoying your life and raising your precious D10.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I have also come to a sad realization. I don't think I am meant for a relationship. For whatever reason, I haven't had one decent one in my life and I am 38.
Because I know misery loves company, I'm going to point something out. I don't believe that you've never been happy in a R, so I'm going to guess that when you say you haven't had one decent one in your life, I'm guessing you are thinking about how they ended.
I just want to point out that as far as I know, not one of us in here is M, every one of us found our way here because our S cheated on us or walk away from us, and very few people break up from good R amicably, at least I haven't ever done that.
I guess what I'm saying is I would generalize my life to say I haven't had one decent R in my life either, but I had decent moments in my R's.
Just keep being awesome so that "The One" can't help but notice you when he sees you.
As for worrying about your D, I get it and I too am at a loss about how to try and teach them what a healthy R looks like. When my son told me that his biological father had separated from his W, I asked if they were getting D (they had been separated for a little while) and he replied of course, they're separated.
I did my best to try and explain the choice of loving, and that problems can be worked through and that D should always be a last resort. But I don't know if any words can overshadow the R dynamics that he's witnessed with all his parents.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I guess what I'm saying is I would generalize my life to say I haven't had one decent R in my life either, but I had decent moments in my R's.
I guess I'd say I had many years of a decent relationship until it became a crappy relationship. But I'd also say I haven't yet had a relationship that was the equivalent on their side of what I have to give on my side. My ex made me feel loved at times, but never beloved. My last boyfriend made me feel beloved, which was grand, but then of course it turned out he was lying to me about almost everything else. I'd love it if I found what the last boyfriend gave me in a stable package - that may or may not ever happen. But I understand your feeling - I felt it to before I married my ex-husband, and at least with him, I felt I belonged for a long time. Now I don't care - I carry my sense of belonging around with me and it doesn't depend on someone else - but of course, I have a few decades on you.
