Rebuilding my life #3

[Btrow]

Sure it's a bit pricey

Wow you can say that again.. Just checked it. That one IS pricey.

She just doesn't mean anything to me anymore

For real? Only 7 months after BD. That was quick. But good for you though. Must be so much easier to move on then.

[lcause]

Btrow: yeah but it lasts long Hah, I'm just coming up with reasons to justify buying so expensive fragrance. Actually just ordered Thierry Mugler's Pure Havane.

Hope everyone is doing fine and happy holidays! I had superb time with my kids at my parents. I bonded so much with my son as he was with me for two nights.

Just took kids to XW and she brought OM with her to meet me and the kids at half way. That hurt a bit. I had scenarios running through my mind where I pull the door open and smash my fist to OMs face saying "now we are even", but confidently wished XW merry Christmas, gave kisses to kids, made D to laugh and left. I'm the adult here and I don't need anyone to validate me. I know I will be happy regardless, so happy that people are going to envy me.

Today I'll see all my old friends as we have had this tradition of seeing at this one club at Christmas Day. I will update my to do at new years eve, and this time I will follow through.

Again, happy holidays! And to the newcomers, it will get better. You will discover so many new things about yourself. It's a journey, learn to embrace it. Remember that you are not alone and being divorced does not define you.

[Vanilla]

What a lovely inspiring post thank you so much for the joy in it.

I love that TM perfume and I adore Angel too......

What fabulous Xmas scented Xmassive.

Thank you

V

[lcause]

Thanks V. This smells quite like a Cuban cigar store, with vanilla and honey.

I've seen a few people mentioning that they don't know how they would take it if there was an OM in the picture. It initially was a shock but the biggest thing for me currently is a) losing over half of the lives of my kids and b) me struggling to find my path despite of trying quite a bit of new things. I can pretty confidently say that I'm not depressed anymore and I find joy in regular things, so - I keep continuing the "kaizen" (the term; not the user ) -way. I don't know about my future and that's the first thing I learned - you can never properly plan it. We need to just keep working hard and eventually the pieces fall down on their own places. Pick a path and stick with it but don't fear to experiment.

Previously I was always feeling bad or being sorry if I couldn't help my XW with something. Now I'm not. If I can't, I can't. It doesn't bother me at all. Just realized this yesterday. A friend from work asked me what would I do if the grass doesn't seem to be greener on the other side - I didn't have answers except for I would be really sad for her if that happened. People who know my situation, all say she probably was having an affair before she told me. I don't know, maybe. Now, I do know her wanting me back is not going to happen ever, but regardless of how nice one tries to be, getting that "ego boost" would still probably give me a nice smile.

I keep visiting less and less... Well I don't have anything to share.

[lcause]

Hey everyone!

I felt like I'd like to update my sitch a bit. I have thought about writing something before but I've been pretty busy lately. Nowadays, I mostly do stuff that I personally enjoy doing and I don't ask what others want, but one additional motivator for this update (and probably upcoming ones too) is that I remember people wanting to hear how the sitches have progressed during the months and years - without the original writers just disappearing.

OM moved in to live with my XW and my kids at some point during the last month. I wish I would have heard this from XW since even though it probably isn't my business, they are still living with my kids. I can't push my morals or my views on others and I try hard to get away from the old, analytical, self - still can't fathom how quickly they decided to do this. Mainly because I fear my toddler is going to be more attached to the OM than me. I do realize this is a useless emotion and I am not going to borrow problems from tomorrow. I can only be the best dad now and trust in the process.

I am not a religious person but I truly do believe this happened for a reason. I am far more happier than I have ever been in my life previously. Why is it surviving the divorce, huh? I call for a thriving after the divorce subforum! I understand FAR more about myself and other people, how emotions come and go, how pessimism and optimism differ, how each one of us here deserves the best, what co-dependency is, what validation is and the list goes on.

I have lived my entire life in fear. Fear of failure, fear of what other people might think about me, fear of not living up to my own or my parents/friends expectations, fear of rejection, fear of not making it, fear of sucking in something... Why? Because even though as silly as these common sense factors might sound, they are all but that! Before you truly learn to stop and UNDERSTAND fully your emotions, you will never understand these factors completely. I have always tried to go past these fears and to cope with them, accepting that it is just how I am. F*#" that s&¤@! Now, I push myself daily. Fears are only beaten by facing them - and by doing that, understanding how useless they are; the mind tricking boundaries created by your own brains.

I am a YouTuber now. I figured making a video series of my life improvement on learning the thing I want to do while showing my struggling to others helps both me and them. I get over my fears and they see other people are walking in the same shoes. I read so many forum posts about people having issues learning this particular thing and I truly believe it's the same issue I have. In addition, this gives me a good routine and constantly reminds me of my changes and what I have to be working on in myself. I think having a routine and consistency are the most important factors in this process. This isn't all what I do but it does take quite a bit of work. I am slowly coming out of the consumption rut towards the creative awesomeness. I am truly challenging myself and even when it sometimes feels like smashing my head to a brick wall, after I've completed the hard task, I feel really good. Life is about learning, growing and challenging oneself.

I've read about a dozen books now. Most about self-improvement and such, but also books about history, leadership, innovation and so on. I never thought I would like to read this much. I find it funny how some of the books I would have never read at all, but I just started reading and found them fascinating later on. Maybe this falls to the "take action before waiting for the feeling" -category. Don't judge the book by its covers, literally.

This post is already a bit too long and all the sitch related stuff was mentioned at the beginning. However if someone reads this far and is still struggling, I remind you that it is only temporary. You will get better. You deserve the best. I leave all the rest motivational stuff for others as there's been quite a many good posts lately (unless asked, of course)

[joejoe1]

LC,

What's you youtube name or give me a hint, so I can search it and add to the view count?

[joejoe1]

LC,

Also, I glad to see you coming out the other side. Congrat's buddy. Keep it up. Keep tackling fear. You deserve it.

[lcause]

LC,

What's you youtube name or give me a hint, so I can search it and add to the view count?

Sorry, I like to keep my privacy. There's so much stuff here about me and people related to me so I don't feel confident in sharing it. I realize this might be over cautious, but it is what it is.

LC,

Also, I glad to see you coming out the other side. Congrat's buddy. Keep it up. Keep tackling fear. You deserve it.

Thanks dude. It feels good. I am by no means where I want to be yet - but then again, there's another lesson I learned. Life is never about reaching a set goal or having something and then being happy. Goals are best kept as individual breakpoints or points where you can measure your progress. Solely working on a goal and expecting it to be the end all be all is just wrong. Constant growing is where it is at.

I hope you and your W are fine Don't forget to keep working on yourself and on your relationship.

[Btrow]

OM moved in to live with my XW and my kids at some point during the last month.

Ouch, that had to hurt. Sorry man.

But don't worry about the toddler being more attached to OM. There can be only one daddy, and that is LC.

Regarding the rest of your post, wow, you have certainly done some self-growing. Impressive. Remember when You were a scared little LC and a giant mess just 5 or 6 months ago? Well done.

I'll try searching for your YouTube videos (it's probably against the rules to direct us there), cause I want what LC is having ;-)

Just promise me that you every now and then shut down the computer, close the books, put on some of that extremely expensive cologne, and go out and let the ladies experience the new, improved, awesome LC.

[lcause]

Ouch, that had to hurt. Sorry man.

Well, I do admit I did dwell on that feeling for a bit until I realized it is really all pointless. It's an interesting feeling when you actually understand where the emotions stem from and how you can actually understand and accept them as they are, rather than dwelling on them for a prolonged period of time. Frankly put, this is not related to me at all. It's an external factor - like most of the emotions I feel - and external things aren't really related to my own self-worth or well being. Internal things are what matter the most. You can take away any external possession but you can't never take away what I have experienced myself and how I've grown from it.

But don't worry about the toddler being more attached to OM. There can be only one daddy, and that is LC.

Thanks dude I do realize this, but as with most fears, they are really irrational and only in the mind. It'll pass and as I said there's no point in living in tomorrow instead of staying in the present.

Regarding the rest of your post, wow, you have certainly done some self-growing. Impressive. Remember when You were a scared little LC and a giant mess just 5 or 6 months ago? Well done.

Thanks and a cliché here: "if I can do it, you can do it!". I believe it's truly just understanding and finding what brings happiness to you, realizing where your emotions come from and how you can control them. That, and realizing you're not alone in this world nor your ex-partner was the "only one for you". If I'm being asked, I will always say learning new things and pushing yourself over your limits no matter how much it hurts at that particular moment are the things every human should strive for. As far as I know, we are the only species that is born without any skills at all, except for sucking the tit and crying. We can't walk, we can't communicate - we are "programmed" to learn and push ourselves from the get-go.

Just promise me that you every now and then shut down the computer, close the books, put on some of that extremely expensive cologne, and go out and let the ladies experience the new, improved, awesome LC.

Of course. However, being appealing for someone else is now against my own principles. I (try to) wear colognes because they make ME feel good, not to get some random girl to compliment me. Who the f@!% cares what other people think about me? That's the mentality what I'm constantly, day by day, working towards.