waw maybe #3

[bhappy2]

Previous thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2780082&page=1

[bhappy2]

Updating:

I have been truly detaching and DB for the last 3 weeks and I feel great. I was doing it all wrong thinking that I should still be nice to the W but I realize now that its just not going to work. She has temp checked me 3 times and all 3 times I politely said OK and moved on.

GAL:

Joined a running club, love this as I get discounts on races and I can voluteer to work races then get entry for free.

Joined a social club and I will be inducted in April, they have activities every single weekend and sometimes during the week. Also have a private bar where memeber can go whenever they want, very friendly atmosphere.

RE-joined my dart team we play once a week and I finally took off a day from work to play. This has really helped me as I now only work 5 days a week.

Nothing new between W and me as far as Lawyer talk, she was told that our MH has to be sold and all of a sudden her L stopped returning calls. She filed on Jan.12th, lawyers consulted each other on jan.21st went oer all finacials and now we are at a stand still.

I am in a much better place mentally and I look forward to the next chapeter of my life.

[LH19]

I was doing it all wrong thinking that I should still be nice to the W but I realize now that its just not going to work. She has temp checked me 3 times and all 3 times I politely said OK and moved on.

BH,

It sounds like you are in a pretty good place emotionally.

I am confused by the first sentence. Do you feel now you can be mean?

Also, how did she temp check you?

[bhappy2]

LH, no not mean at all... just not being nice like as in cordial. If I am going to the store I would ask do you need anything, now I do not ask. If I was leaving the house I would always say bye, see you later, nope not anymore.

Temp check: I walk in the door and she says I swiped your soup. I said ok and kept on doing what I was doing no further conversation needed. I had bought chinese food for me and the kids while she was at work and when she came home she took the soup. I did not need to know why or for what reason.

Temp check: S22 lost his car keys she asked can you keep an eye out for them...Ok and kept on moving. I do not even want to talk to her anymore. She already knew that I was looking for his keys because she heard him telling me about it.

I refuse to be mean to her, thats not how I was before BD and I do not want to be after. I just found out she cashed in her 401K after she consulted her attorney, this is a big problem for her right now. Also she let S21 health insurance lapse... this is also a problem.

The fact of the matter is my W is completely out of her mind and her life is really in shambles. This is not my mess to fix anymore.

[LH19]

Bh,

I don't think there is anything wrong with being cordial at this time. You do not want to burn any bridges.

I really don't think those instances are temp checks.

Your GAL sounds really good keep it up. Who knows what the future holds.

[bhappy2]

LH thank you for your feedback.

[bhappy2]

Ok so i need some advice, W's birthday is coming up and we have not spoken in 3 weeks. Do I get her a card? present? not sure what to do.

Updating Lawyer sitch: Last contact between lawyers was Feb. 5th my lawyer has reached out several times to discuss financials. W's lawyer is not returning emails or phone calls since my W was told the MH has to be sold. Also W was told that she will be caring for the dog as I do not want to get an appartment with the dog. Also told that she will have to provide me with medical insurance b/c she pays for that now. Another sitch has arose and that is she withdrew har 401K after she consulted her lawyer, this is not good for her and took out a personal loan which she still has yet to diclose the amount.

I am not mind reading here but I believe that the fantasy to be able to move out and start to hang out with this younger crowd and have me pay for it is crumbling.

W has been laying on the couch all day and night I believe that she may be depressed.

I am sticking to DB all the time now and I will not waiver at all. Following Sandi's rules has really helped me.

I am off to the gym, them getting dinner with my two S's then work.
I am picking D19 up from college tomorrow and we will find some fun stuff to do this week. Good things are happening!

[SteveLW]

Text her Happy birthday. That is all I would do.

[bhappy2]

updating:

GAL: running has increased and I am now running a steady 6 days a week. As previouly stated joined a running club.

I was accepted into social club and will be inducted in April.

Re-joined my dart team and we play every Tuesday night. This has been the best move I have made so far.

As far as the D, everything has gone to a snails pace, W's Lawyer will not return calls and has not spoken to my lawyer since feb 5th. At this point I want the D to proceed and this delay is making matters worse.

I did set a boundry yesterday and I did it calm and cool, I asked W to stop direspecting me in front of our children and their boy/girl friends. She was asking me a question and then would ignore me and turn her back on me. I stated that I will be calling her out on this in front of the kids if it continues. She claims she didnt realize what she was doing, so I said now we are clear.

I sent out an email to W's family yesterday telling them what is going on that W filed for D and everything is in Lawyers hands. I asked that they tell MIL gently. I got back the usual response, sorry to hear is there anything we can do? I said thank you but no, this is W's decision... I just want them to know why I will not be at family functions.

[bhappy2]

Updating:

After a full month of legit DB I can now tell how I was doing things wrong. I see how the benefit is for me and I should not be looking for reacions from my W. I am not mean or cold I just do not go out of my way to interact with her. I am finally following Sandi's rules.

Now for some interesting stuff, on Saturday I was not able to do my laundry when I got home from work. No big deal I was going to do it when I woke up... BUT instead my W did it for me, she has not done my laundry in over two years. It wasnt like she needed the washer either mine were the only clothes in the laundry room. I first questioned my children to see if anyone did it for me and S22 told me that W did it.

I also ran out of ant-acid pills, W went out and bought them for me. She really has not done anything for me so this was a bit unusual. I make nothing of it and have not said a word to her at all.

I spoke with my Lawyer and she stated that W's lawyer is an idiot and will not return calls or emails, said its very unprofessional. She asked if I want to press the issue and I said no let them proceed. She said ok, no prob...

Went out Sat night for St.paddys day and had a blast, ended up hanging out with a woman at the party that I have known for about 5 years and she told me that she had always liked me but bc I was married she never said anything. I said well as you know i am going through a D and things were in limbo, she said sorry to hear and we chatted more then she kissed me. Yes it was great and yes it was new and felt awesome but weird. She wants to go out and I said I wasnt sure if I could do that.

We drank some more and did some shots and towards the end of the night she ends up falling down and splitting her lip. I take her to the hosp. and she needed ten stiches. 3 hours later I finally get home... ugh it was a long night, I texted her the next day to she if she was ok and she text back thanking me for staying with her.

I am starting to feel like there is life after D.!!!