Well he called twice actually tonight the 1st he said hello I said hello and he asked how are you and I said I’m good so then he hung up. Then 15 min later he called back and said he had to plug phone in I said okay. He asked where I was at I said upstairs. He said who is there. I said Sister is at a meeting and Brother in law just got home from work and making himself dinner. He said okay. He said work has been busy with weather. I said I imagine so. He said how is your medical stuff I said tackling one thing at a time and he ask did you see neurologist surgeon yet I said yes I go back to him on 20th. He said okay. He said well you wanted to talk about finances. I said yes I did before. He said well I’m not stealing anything. I said didn’t say you were just wanted to go over statements. I said just need to know the plan. He said well the plan is I am paying the bills because they are my responsibility and you need medical coverage so I am not going to be shitty like you think I am and leave you without coverage.I said I didn’t say you were shitty and thank you for letting me know. He said well I know you don’t trust me and I don’t trust you but I don’t want you to be scared. I said please don’t assume anything about me and honestly yes I was scarred because it took me off guard when you didn’t give me key to place, said your happier alone and didn’t want to sleep in bed with me and then left. He said where did you hear that from me. I said yes. He said okay.He I know you think I am not right in the head but actually I am doing much better and when you came down to Florida it sealed the deal. I said you mean the full blown panic attack from me & being sick. He said it was more than that and you hate Florida. So I said okay. He said I didn’t call to argue and I said I’m not arguing just trying to find solution and understanding.I said if this isn’t a good time to talk we can talk another time.He said well I don’t what or who is listening or what point your trying to make. I said Scott I see it differently but understand your feelings. He said what do you understand? I said that your not happy and rather be alone. I just wanted to know the game plan on finances.He said well if you feel we need to discuss a separation of assets so you feel safe we can.I said well have you spoken to anyone formally about it and he said no as I am not in nj and neither are you and I don’t know if I can get back to nj for a few weeks and I need to text Lorraine to tell her not to kill herself shoveling a unoccupied house. I said would you like me to talk with an attorney. He said if that makes you feel safer as I’m not stealing money I fact the cc Bill is less this month and will be less next month and I been using another cc since mine was stolen and I gave to Stacy. I said okay well my new card hasn’t come in yet and I haven’t touched accounts as I want sure if you were serious about me taking most the savings getting my own checking etc or just annoyed and venting. I said I haven’t seen statements. He said well I haven’t spoken to anyone Amy! I sent the taxes to Deb I said okay thank you. I said so your gonna keep paying bills, mail the statements to me and let me know about stock options.He said yes but I am not going to have to answer to you. I said not asking you too however the 401k savings assets and debts are mine too so I have a right to know and it sounds like your annoyed so we can talk another time.I said hope you have a good work week and he said okay hope your medical visit go well and I said thanks bye and hung up.
Now he just sent a email I’m glad your health is improving, I will send you fidelity statement in the morning so you may see current value. I have not exercised anything to date.
I have not responded. I feel so very sad that he is angry not able to trust me and goes from calm to annoyance to quickly and almost feel like he wants an apology or acknowledgement that I hurt him by not trusting him, nagging him questioning him, being disrespectful and yet then again is it his perception or half truths . So very sad
Ruhappy, All WAW or MLC can't deal with stress is one of there many triggers trust me is crazy how our S can go from being calm like no worries or like nothing happen but as soon as you hit them with reality our S they put wall back up and anger I myself is goiing on 11months and see this with my W. I honestly have learn this it has taken me time but have now answer with one word only here is an example of mine.
W how is d9 back she fell and I know she was crying Me d9 is GOOD W thank you Me welcome
I know for someone like you and me this might be hard to do but right now as you can see our S get angry very easily they can't deal with the reality of life the day to day basis so remember you are the grown up. Just imagine your dealing with a teenager your not going sit there and argue with a kid just listen and say ok. I know all this sounds crazy but actually is going help you keep your insanity. Don't let your H upset you especially with your health take care of yourself always.
When your H said where you at or what you doing or who is there and you answer his questions your giving H the power over you. I read somewhere you got fired from being his W so you no longer have to respond as a wife if it has nothing to do with finances then there's nothing else to talk about unless H says am ready to talk about our R. Which I can tell you, you just started this rollercoaster ride your H is just doing a Temp check making sure he still having you on a hook. Keep reading as you will see all WAW or MLC have same patterns. Protect your finances PLEASE
At BD Lesbian marriage Me39,W36 S9,D9,S8 adopted all three Together almost 10yrs Bomb Drop - April 2017 W movedout - May,2017 OW June,2017 Currently 2018 Me40, W38 S10,D10,S9
Read this and thought how appropriate .... You don’t get over it, you just get through it. You don’t get by it, because you can’t get around it. It doesn’t ‘get better’; it just gets different. Everyday… Grief puts on a new face… – Wendy Feireisen
When is a good time to reach out to H? I like to tell him and ask him : A goal I would like to achieve is to decrease or eliminate hurtful and destructive interactions and increase pleasant times together and to do so as quickly and painlessly as possible. While we have different perspectives I was thinking back to times when we got along and how differently we acted towards each other. We use to spend more time together, we loved being together and it actually didn’t matter what we were doing.We made each other feel important, we talk a lot about what was going in the world and mutually respected each others jobs and interest. I have no interest in focusing on the past, holding grudges or resentment.
What is different about the times when we get along ? What was I dong differently? What did the two of us like doing together when he felt we had good times? Is it fair to think that each others should try to meet each others specific needs to find a common ground but also understand it doesn’t mean it should be only my way or only his way.
My state does not have legal separation per attorney . If I file for bed and board divorce his employer does not have to cover me under medical insurance. While I am receiving medical treatment he is paying all the bills but also running up large credit card debt each month on I don’t know what because I haven’t seen statements since January when I asked initially. He is paying for cc balances now out if our savings. I have only spoken too him 2 x since feb 13th and when he emails asking anything I am respectful but short and to the point. I know if I question this latest transfer of money and cc bill I will be met with anger and gas lighting as this is how it started in January. Thus the reason I am nor confronting or engaging anymore as I have enough going on with Troy g to get healthy again.
Don’t want a divorce, don’t want savings drained, need medical coverage right now, grateful he is paying the bills sooo what do I do? Say nothing or just have the attorney file for bed and board divorce and take my chance? Desparetly need to know the right answer.
