Apparently W wants to put the house sale on hold to get more time to think about things. That's never going to happen if she doesn't end the A. I assume that I am good to go in telling her that. Does that count as setting boundaries?
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Because that's the first time I read something from you that said "fuch that BS I am not taking this disrespect anymore if you're are going to continue this A I will continue with the D and sell the house and go find someone who loves me and values me for the awesome guy that I am".
Thanks guys! Will wait if she has the guts to ask me about it. It was actually her BFF who send me a screenshot of Ws message. She told me that for the first time she will betray her friend but only to help her.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
P.....I have a ton of stuff saved from this site as early on I spent hours reading posts to help me get through the pain. Here is one I saved below that I refer to often for strength. I can't remember who wrote it but it hit home for me.
I hope it or some of it helps.
Do a little research. Strong confident men are attractive to women. So, when a strong, confident man is fighting for his marriage, the woman views it (and her view is what counts) as WEAKNESS (which is NOT attractive)
Have you ever noticed that strong, confident men usually always have a woman that is considered "hot"? Usually the woman does a lot of the chasing? Ever noticed that reality with those types of men/women relationships?
You see, one of the things that many men "miss" on this site is that when a woman is feeling those "romantic and in love feelings" is when she is dating "up" or involved with a man who allows HER to do much of the pursuing and chasing. Now women will tell you they would prefer to be chased, but have you noticed that really isn't the true reality? That when they are chased by a man that they usually back off? (and YOU are another case in point right now)
The key is to know how to pursue and yet allow her to pursue. You HAVE to let her "feel" (women go by feelngs) that you KNOW that you deserve and will not accept anything less than a woman who WANTS to be with you and will be exclusive with you. She needs to "feel" that you will accept nothing less.
You ARE accepting something less. Don't you see that you are pursuing a woman who even tells you she can't be faithful? You should be calling her bluff as if you have a straight flush. As a strong and confident man this is the reason you have lost your mojo. You don't have the "confidence" to tell her NO, this is unacceptable and I don't want a woman like that. End of story.
My answer to you is different than what you will usullay hear on this site, but one I have seen work far better again and again and again...
Your 180 is to show her in no uncertain terms that you really have LOST interest in her. That SHE isn't worth YOUR love and time. This will then be perceived as strong and confident. You are not mean to her or punitive, but just casual and "oh well, this isn't working and not what I want or am looking for"
She THEN either HAS to chase you, which causes her romantic feelings to start COMING back or it is over anyway. (so what have you really lost?) Confident men are WILLING to risk it all for the sake of their self esteem.
Now. The psychology behind this is interesting...
She has low self esteem or she wouldn't need all that attention she seems to cry out for. Since she has low self esteem she subconciously thinks this.. "if I don't really love myself and can't be faithful then there MUST be something wrong with HIM (meaning you) to want me when I don't even love myself.....She looks DOWN on you for wanting her because she doesn't even LOVE herself. So she subconciously looks down on you and can't feel those correct feelings because YOU put up with her. This is why you need for HER to chase you so that she feels she is dating UP.
The guy who ends up winning her will be the one who shows these traits. The others will go by the wayside. She secretly WANTS to be faithful, however she won't be able to do it until she finds a man who won't put up with anything less. She will then want to PROVE to that man how faithful she can be.
Show her the man that you told us you are. STRONG AND CONFIDENT. Stong and confident is willing to risk the whole ball of wax to win the prize because he accepts nothing less.
The message pretty much indicates her state of mind. Sandi does this ring a bell: "what I would like to do now is to put the sell of the house on hold. So I can get more time to think. But tomorrow I might think the total f-ing opposite. I can't even tell P that I need just a while to think. B/c if tomorrow I want to sell f-ing everything and have everything new. F!"
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
T "what I would like to do now is to put the sell of the house on hold. So I can get more time to think. But tomorrow I might think the total f-ing opposite. I can't even tell P that I need just a while to think. "
Already back to the old P. Keep the house up for sale.
