Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Well it has been a long while since I last posted. In that time I have looked inward as to what has held me back from doing what is needed to be done and all I can honestly say is fear. As much as I tried to deny it, it has been fear of losing my family, losing my wife and losing the life that I had once known. I realize now that I have already lost most of those things and I need to start healing my wounds and building myself a new life.
I had a conversation last week with my W and explained to her that this situation is not working for me anymore and that we have been living separated but under the same roof and the time has come for me to physically separate to start putting my life back together. I gave her 2 weeks to figure out if she wanted to stay in the house and I would take my half of the equity and move out or if she wanted her half and she move out. She tried to give me the "I don't know what I want" excuse. I explained that while I understand that this will be hard for both of us, it is something that is needed to be done. I also mentioned that once I am set up, I would want 50% custody of our S8 as my D18 is an adult in college and is old enough to make her own decisions as to who she will see in a schedule that works for her. My door for her is always open. She started crying but after the conversation was done I calmly walked away.
So it has been a week since this convo and man has she gotten so cold towards me. I truly beginning to realize now what everyone here has been saying to me this whole time. All the closeness that she was showing me over the past few months has been a facade and just a way to keep me emotionally attached.
On the other hand, my apartment hunt has been an adventure that has left me questioning what can I really afford. While I want to find my own place I do not want to be tied for a year to something that is too small for me and my son. I have opted to stay at a friends house in our town for 2 months and then lock an apartment up. This will work to my advantage as my W's car will be paid off at that time and I will have a great deal more money each month to put towards rent.
One more week to go for her to decide and then my future should start to become a little clearer to me. I must admit I am still a little scared but just at the uncertainty of my future at the moment. I also am beginning to find a little excitement in the unknown. I just want to say thank you for all the brutal honesty you have shown me. I understand it was always meant to help me.
Thank you LH19. It was your 2x4's that have really opened my eyes and made me look inward. I know eventually I will find my new normal. Trying to remain strong brother.
Well it has been a long while since I last posted. In that time I have looked inward as to what has held me back from doing what is needed to be done and all I can honestly say is fear. As much as I tried to deny it, it has been fear of losing my family, losing my wife and losing the life that I had once known. I realize now that I have already lost most of those things and I need to start healing my wounds and building myself a new life.
I had a conversation last week with my W and explained to her that this situation is not working for me anymore and that we have been living separated but under the same roof and the time has come for me to physically separate to start putting my life back together. I gave her 2 weeks to figure out if she wanted to stay in the house and I would take my half of the equity and move out or if she wanted her half and she move out. She tried to give me the "I don't know what I want" excuse. I explained that while I understand that this will be hard for both of us, it is something that is needed to be done. I also mentioned that once I am set up, I would want 50% custody of our S8 as my D18 is an adult in college and is old enough to make her own decisions as to who she will see in a schedule that works for her. My door for her is always open. She started crying but after the conversation was done I calmly walked away.
So it has been a week since this convo and man has she gotten so cold towards me. I truly beginning to realize now what everyone here has been saying to me this whole time. All the closeness that she was showing me over the past few months has been a facade and just a way to keep me emotionally attached.
On the other hand, my apartment hunt has been an adventure that has left me questioning what can I really afford. While I want to find my own place I do not want to be tied for a year to something that is too small for me and my son. I have opted to stay at a friends house in our town for 2 months and then lock an apartment up. This will work to my advantage as my W's car will be paid off at that time and I will have a great deal more money each month to put towards rent.
One more week to go for her to decide and then my future should start to become a little clearer to me. I must admit I am still a little scared but just at the uncertainty of my future at the moment. I also am beginning to find a little excitement in the unknown. I just want to say thank you for all the brutal honesty you have shown me. I understand it was always meant to help me.
Wow. This really struck me as I feel I am in a similar situation. My WW draws closer to me when I pull away. When I start talking moving forward with separation and D she starts hedging. I get the same feeling about her "closeness" being manipulative, and I often hear the "I don't know what I want" statement. WWs in limbo often will do whatever it takes to remain in limbo.
The one time I gave her a boundary, about 3 weeks after BD, I told her in no uncertain terms that I would need full transparency if she decided to stay. She said "Ok, I will start looking for a job and an apartment." I felt great, I really started to detach. When I wasn't a bit upset at her desire to move forward with her plan, the very next night she came to me teary-eyed saying she didn't think we should get a D, that it wasn't what God wanted, and that she was praying hard for God to make her want to stay.
Of course, 5 days later I found a full profile on the >50 dating site OurTime, including a picture. SO obviously she was manipulating me with all of her "I want to want to stay" stuff. Believe nothing they say!
So I think I will eventually have to have the same conversation with her that you have had. Can I ask how long you've been in limbo?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve85, short answer... TOO LONG. I am just coming up on a year from BD in 2 weeks. I really thought that we would have been trying to work on our R by now. I realize now how foolish that train of thought was. While I am not fully in the "my life will be so much better" thinking yet, I know that this is the only way for my life to improve. This past year has sucked the life out of me and has wounded me to my soul. All the lies and deception and the constant feeling like you have been discarded like a piece of trash. I will not do this anymore. I will not allow someone to make me feel like this. You will get there. Hopefully with less stumbling than I have.
You are going to be fine, Pew. I mean, just look at what you have been through, and you are still kicking! Sure, you probably have some fear, but that's okay. Do it afraid........ but do it.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
