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Congrats on the promotion.

Don't respond to her texts unless she asks a question. Then use as few words as possible. She is trying to keep you emotionally attached to her.

I forget who it was that said the WW doesn't want to be your W, but she wants you to be her H. That's very true, except for the romantic stuff.

As for you seeing her personal things, stumbling over her shoes, etc.........maybe it would help if you out it all into one room that you don't have to enter. You can always pack it up.

This is one of my arguments about parents "nesting" while the kids remain in the family home. If you can't detach from seeing her everywhere you look, then it's best that you don't try the bird nesting plan for child visitation scheduling.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: sandi2


I forget who it was that said the WW doesn't want to be your W, but she wants you to be her H. That's very true, except for the romantic stuff.



WOW! That is profound. So well worded. This is exactly the feeling I get from my WW. She wants no responsibility of being a wife (she'll even announce she is doing her wifely duty when she finally does something around the house), but wants me there to be her H. And as you said she wants no romantic stuff. That perfectly summed up my WW.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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petri Offline OP
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I can't pack her things in one room. She still lives there every other week.


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
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petri Offline OP
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I've been wondering why MIL has been so weird towards me for some time. As it appered she has known about Ws OM for a while now. And I believe that Ws sister knows too.


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
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petri Offline OP
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Ok guys and gals. I have no freaking idea what just happened. I feel a massive sense of gratitude for W. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest. This is somewhat scary but also VERY liberating.


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
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P,

It’s part of the roller coaster ride and the grief cycle. You may be in acceptance.

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petri Offline OP
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The cool part of all this is the fact that I'm actually smiling without pretending. This is something I need to grap on to.


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,826
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Originally Posted By: petri
I've been wondering why MIL has been so weird towards me for some time. As it appered she has known about Ws OM for a while now. And I believe that Ws sister knows too.


And they are for it?! I don't get people.

If my daughter was doing what my wife is doing and I found out about it, she'd get an earful. And I would in no way, shape, or form support it.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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petri Offline OP
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Her mom is all in for her. Saying how brave she is rising against her man and not taking s*it. If you knew her ypu would understand. Not the sharpest pen...


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 613
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petri Offline OP
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Today I tried to talk to W about alimony. That didn't go so nice. I told her that I know she can't afford it so I could get it from public services but it has to be cpunted first that she really can't afford it. She went nuts. Saying how she will take the kids etc. I tried to ask her to calm down and read in thought what I just wrote. That didn't happen. So I ended the convo.

And a couple minutes later she texted about taking D7s phone to be repaired. Like any of the previous convo never happened.


Me:39 W:36
S:12 D:9
T:14 M:11
Separation:sep. 1 2017
D filed oct. 2017
D finalized july 2018
OM confirmed feb 2018
D finalized July 2018

The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
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