Just let it go J9...for your own sake. CaliGuy wrote: "At some point one either let's go of the rope ... or they continue to be dragged, MLC was definitely a lesson in getting dragged." It is very hard to avoid seeing sun rays everywhere...time will tell. Just keep walking.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Bro... at this point you are doing what you stand for and what your values are. You are not pursuing or having any expectations. I totally second what you did with the car because you are a stand up dude and you don't act out of anger or resentment. You are strong and caring and kind to people. You have shown that kindness to your W despite everything and that to me is standing tall.
She is a total fool for leaving you. D will open up a lot of new opportunities for you and I am excited for you. Ladies are going to come knockin' J... be ready.... who doesn't want a man that has worked on himself and is self-aware and strong.
As I have always said, I am just a few months behind in you in everything. With the quick interaction I had with my W, she is still in her cloudy mindset and so I know that nothing I have done has moved the needle for her. But it has moved the needle for me so that's what counts.
I am super proud of you man. You've carried yourself well. I hope I can do that when the time comes.
Carry on bro!!! Life is just opening up a new chapter.
V and N....definitely not reading into anything I just thought it was funny that she slipped up. I don't think she is as strong as she leads on to believe IMO. I also agree she has not marinated long enough yet and her journey is not complete. Only time will tell.
I played basketball for almost 2 hours this morning so I feel great and the walking continues
M......thanks for the kind words. I even set up her Bluetooth for her in the car as well I have no doubt you will carry yourself in the same manner. You will do it for yourself and your children. TBH it is quite easy and comes very natural to me. Focus on yourself and those kids, conduct yourself in a manner that will make you and them proud. You can't go wrong no matter how it turns out.
You never know what will happen but start to realize, understand and accept that more than likely your MR is over. I know when my W told me she was ready I had that pit in my stomach for about 10 seconds then it was gone. From that moment on I have been full-steam ahead to make the appropriate arrangements. We swapped cars last night and today after work I am dropping off all the required paperwork to my mortgage guy to refi the house. If this is what she wants then this is what she is going to get.
You will be just fine. It is very hard to completely detach when your in limbo. Once you hear those words though the last shred of hope you had is gone and your detachment meter shoots through the roof! I think your finances tripped you up a bit but I know plenty of people that are extremely happy that are not financially secure. Money may make some things easier but it doesn't buy happiness. IMO it is all relative.
So keep doing you, validate yourself, learn what your non-negotiables are, be calm, deliberate and be the gosh darn Rock of Gibalter!
Joseph, you're an inspiration, not only in how well you're handling this storm, but in showing the rest of us the way forward, and doing it with class.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
Thanks Jim for the kind words! In some respects I have had it easier than others with no confirmed OM and no in-house separation. My W has also not been over the top disrespectful towards me with spew. However right after she moved out I do know that she was flirting with another guy (it probably went farther but who knows) and while she never spewed I could see the anger and resentment in her eyes. So I have had to deal with some of that stuff maybe just not to the full extent others have.
I still would rather not be in this position and have experienced the pain but pain is a part of life. It helps us grow so for that I am grateful and I do believe this is happening for a reason (although I don't know what that is yet ).
I also know that this is more about my W than it is about me. I don't take it personally and I refuse to let this one person have so much control over me and my emotions. My STBXW is someone that I will always love as the mother of my children but I will not grant her the ability to control my emotions, how I feel or interact with her. I will stay true to myself and my values.
I am in a really good place, happy with who I am as a person, confident in my skills and abilities as a father/partner and ready for what life has in store.
Our stories are similar in some respects, no OM, no over the top disrespect, resentment on her part, someone I will always love.
I am not doing as well as you are though, in the distancing aspect, although I'm getting better. I think the in house separation may have had a lot to do with that, although only so much, because she's still been gone a while.
You help me remember what the possibilities are out there.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
I still would rather not be in this position and have experienced the pain but pain is a part of life. It helps us grow so for that I am grateful and I do believe this is happening for a reason (although I don't know what that is yet ).
There is your reason. GROWTH! You nailed it, buddy...
I looked in to a boon called Radical Forgiveness. The concept is that what is happening now is about something else. There is a another story underneath this one. And the pain we feel is about something else. There is this original pain that needs to be healed. I've also read from another source that in marriage crisis only 10% is about things happening now and 90% is about something totally different.
Me:39 W:36 S:12 D:9 T:14 M:11 Separation:sep. 1 2017 D filed oct. 2017 D finalized july 2018 OM confirmed feb 2018 D finalized July 2018
The fact is this. You have to be in pain before you can learn.
I looked in to a boon called Radical Forgiveness. The concept is that what is happening now is about something else. There is a another story underneath this one. And the pain we feel is about something else. There is this original pain that needs to be healed. I've also read from another source that in marriage crisis only 10% is about things happening now and 90% is about something totally different.
Were there examples given? That's an interesting concept and Id love more details on it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
