There's been some changes in that she will text me once in a while but everything still revolves around being separate. She texted me last night to remind me of her social since she is doing taxes and it asked for mine for hers. I know that she is seeing a therapist every Monday which is a big step (she brought it up not me). I'm not blind to the improvements from months ago but I also know they don't mean anything. Her friends wedding is coming up in February and along with her birthday and 1 year from BD I expect something one way or another.
Together 7 years Married 3 Said she was taking long way home late January Left to get some space 2/19/17 BD 3/1/17 ILYB
There's no legal documents filed she wants to get the car switched into my name that we bought together (I've been paying for it) and the joint bank account canceled (I made a separate one and she already had one). As far as I know she isn't seeing anyone. She's just working 2 jobs. I haven't asked because honestly I dunno how I'd take the answer. She's more talkative on text but it's still short conversations usually revolving around setting up times to meet to do separation stuff which one or both of us have to cancel because of our schedules.
Together 7 years Married 3 Said she was taking long way home late January Left to get some space 2/19/17 BD 3/1/17 ILYB
So several texts back and forth. She isn't seeing anyone (I didn't ask she brought it up). We discussed the car being switched and there has been some joking back and forth. She had a freak out over taxes because she owes money and I calmed her down, she apologized for freaking out. The last conversation we had she ended by saying "after the car is done the only thing we'll have left to do is the peperwork." I told her I will not be taking part in filing anything. She asked if I wanted her to hand me the papers or if she should find someone to give them to me/mail them. I told her I don't have an answer.
Kinda froze up at that point. She's not happy with her life as it is but from our conversations she still seems to tie it back onto us. Honestly at this point I want her to hand me the papers in person. Make her face me when she does it.
Feeling like $X!7 again. Can't get over the feeling that I just wasted all those years and a year later now I'm not over her at all. Makes me feel angry. Just want to tell her to get over her little identity crisis.
Together 7 years Married 3 Said she was taking long way home late January Left to get some space 2/19/17 BD 3/1/17 ILYB
I haven't responded lately because I don't know what else to say that hasn't been said. I wish we could get some other perspectives on your situation. Just keep working on you, is all I can say, because you can't control her. I know that. I've found that people chime in more on this site, the more you post, also. I'd suggest treating it like a journal for venting and reflection.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Started a new job, 6 month contract that'll hopefully turn into a full time position a the place I wanted to work when I finished school when we first moved to this area. I'm accomplishing the things I wanted, overcoming my anxiety, dealing with my depression and it still feels pretty hollow without her there to talk to about it. Valentines day I didn't want to say anything and got a message asking if she could mail me the paperwork or if I'd rather do it in person. Haven't responded because honestly I'm very angry. Going to tell her I deserve to look her in the eye when she hands it to me.
Together 7 years Married 3 Said she was taking long way home late January Left to get some space 2/19/17 BD 3/1/17 ILYB
That was nice of her to ask you that on Valentine's Day...
I'm glad you are accomplishing so many great things. I've done a lot of good things, too, since bomb drop. It's something to be very proud of. Keep up the good work.
M: 33, W: 30 @BD M 7, T 10 BD: Early Dec W left: Late Dec W got stuff: Late Jan W sent S papers: Mid Feb OM cnfrmd: Late Feb
Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
So today is her birthday, I texted her Happy Birthday and got back "Thanks, when can we sign papers". Last time we talked about it she said she wanted it to be as "painless as possible for everyone". So I said I wanted it to be in person friday, I'd like to look her in the eye when she tells me to sign it. This isn't a process that should be painless.
Which got me a reply of "This message is exactly the problem. You are done listening to whatever I have to said. we will meet friday, pick a time. if we don't meet friday I'm mailing them. The fact you think this is painless is bullshit."
I apologized for it upsetting her and explained that I meant more for me. If everything is painless and she's smiling and happy and talking to me like nothing is wrong I can't get over this. It doesn't make sense to me. If I can look into her eyes and see she really doesn't feel anything, then at least I know.
Everything I say is taken as an attack on her. I don't know how to change that perception. I've listened to her side of things but honestly she won't talk about what hurt or why, she pretends everything is fine and then brings up another thing to separate. I just feel like if it hurts so much, there's probably something she knows she hasn't tried or at the least still has feelings for me and we should talk about it before going to this step.
Together 7 years Married 3 Said she was taking long way home late January Left to get some space 2/19/17 BD 3/1/17 ILYB
I'm sorry your wife is still acting like this. I bet she doesn't seem like she's even the same person. My wife acted like this, too, like I was a terrible human being, the lowest of lowest, like I was doing to her what she was doing to me.
I would want to look her in the eye, too. My wife seemed to really hide from me at times, like she was hiding from her guilt and feelings. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, but I believe you are and will continue to be a much better man because of this hell you've been through, no matter what your wife decides to do.
What are these papers for, exactly? If signed, will they set a final date for a divorce? Will they just declare whose property is whose, and declare the two of you as living separate lives?
I have believed all along, as have others that have visited your threads, that she is in a relationship. My wife was, and she didn't start to come around until the relationship with POS had ended. She acted exactly the same as your wife, from what you have told me. I would not trust your wife's word that she is not seeing anyone, even if you have never caught her in any other lies before. I never knew my wife to lie to my face until she was pulling out of our relationship. She was not herself for several months there. I suspect your wife is very much not herself, either.
I was reading a forwarded email from my mom, several weeks ago, about things the author of the email had learned throughout their life, and one line struck me: "I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame onto others."
