25yearsMLC 10 Later I FILE D part 8

[kml]

Go ok lol

[25yearsmlc]

Why should l let go of the leverage?

THIS. I never understood why anyone would agree to bifurcation, because you do lose leverage to bring them to the table.

Well if you lack a legit objection you don't have leverage. You lose the motion in opposition, which costs more and potentially makes you look like you are hanging on.


Finally Since the pensions are in line with finally working, (i.e. supposedly being sent directly to me--so far only one has happened that way) and b/c I am getting health coverage, my L says I do not have leverage enough. Am I overwhelmed by her "adequate advocacy"? Nope.

Also this hearing is solely about spousal support, which is our biggest disagreement so it's later in yet another hearing, $$$$$ that I'll seek attorney's fees based on sanctions AND need, and the property division remains. That is somewhat clear, but I want the

Like our joint assets he took ***which is NOT A CRIME --can you believe it? Fraud, yes, shitty, yes.

(Ownit if you are out there, that is something I want to change. Legislatively I mean.

Judges ought to be able to punish the thieves - just like the IRS does for evaders.

I want women (or men) in my position, who were impaired or just had all the JOINT accounts blocked or stolen right before or during a sep/divorce,

NOT to just get their half back (after spending money to get what was theirs in the first place!)

I want it to yield the victim more than half now. In my situation, b/c h stole it and defrauded me when I was impaired. What a jerk.

The IRS does not tell a tax evader "oh, you underpaid. Sounds rough. So give us what you owe and only that, now." (If the IRS did that, then what's the downside or risk the tax evader takes when evading?)

In my idea, the person who steals the money from a joint account with the intent to defraud or retain community joint funds, ought to have to pay more than their spouse's half back. Even if only paying a fine to the court and even if it does not go back to the innocent spouse (which is my preference of course--at least refund the costs spent by the innocent spouse who had to go thru hoops to get their share)

= it would punish the wrong doer. Motivate people NOT to do it. I was always told that "judges frown upon taking more than half" but what does that mean?

I say mandate that the judges have the discretion to give more & maybe increases the judge's motivation. H did this to me days after I was released from a neurology ICU.

I don't think federal banks are easy to lobby and I doubt they can be counted on to say "yes we NOT require a notarized copy for why you want ALL of this money" b/c there are many legit reasons one spouse might want all of joint funds one day - getting that retirement RV, etc.

Or the defrauder could get 1/4 of the money, a few times to "invest/buy a car/special jewelry" etc and still get away with it.

I suspect banks would oppose any federal laws about this, I get it.

But here's the problem.

I've got 5 women in my Divorcecare who have h's who took ALL their life savings from joint accounts, leaving these women (all over 50, including a 64 y/o married for 40 years) and all 5 men have OW's on the side whom they now live with and seem to justify this or "want to live while they can". It's incredible b/c these are not serial killers yet have the same type of conscience I saw when practicing criminal law.

So where do these women go? One is to live in her son's attic and some will end up on welfare.

This is WRONG. It has to be stopped or at least decreased.


BACK TO EARTH...

In some ways I don't want to fight the bifurcation. Makes me look needy and I'm not sure it does affect me financially. Let him marry OW schmoopie and let me free too. Enjoy each other, OW/H. Marrying the rebound is just brilliant H.

Zero contact with our kids over the holidays, btw. Not a word from h, OR his parents OR his brother. I texted BIL on Christmas and that evening he texted me back, no one else with a "Merry Christmas to all".

I know they are not my family, I know they are not people who reach out and they may feel ANY contact with me is awkwardly and disloyal to h. But really, nothing for our kids from any of them? I cannot imagine erasing someone or a family that was created.

I stayed in touch or tried to, with each SIL of mine.

Only those who broke my siblings hearts were erased, but they attended my parent's funerals and were welcomed there...

All nieces/nephews are in our lives. No child was left behind the way my kids seem to be.

Our son 31, or should I say MY s31 and his gf, visited his grandfather/grandmother (she's been married to FIL for 25 years, but is not the bio grandma) at Thanksgiving.

It was with the understanding that H/ OW would not be there. I did not request this and did not bring it up.

But it bothers me deeply that some months ago, h texted our d's saying "I love you very much and will reach out after the divorce."

So a Merry Christmas or a Happy Birthday or a gift, would hurt his legal interests?

I think the opposite IF it ever gets in front of a judge.

Gotta let go of so much.


M and I get alone well and we COMMUNICATE a lot. I mean, it's hard not to want to plug him right into the slot of "Significant other" b/c we fit well.

And there's probably a lot of projection on both our parts, going on. But I do know for a fact that we are both self aware.

It helps.

[25yearsmlc]

PS

Some friend of mine without common sense sent me a ton of photos of OW. As YOU all know, I prided myself on never looking.

Sheesh, moron (the friend -no impulse control) but anyhow, I barely looked once i realized what she had sent me (the friend, not the OW)

but i read one post of OW's and it was "I don't care who my ex marries, they're getting my left overs".

WTF does that mean? Is she writing it to HER ex b/c he remarried? Why does she care
at all who her ex marries?

Does she have to marry my h now, to even things out and "win" that contest too?
And

Who posts crap like that anyhow?


Another random question for you all--

I don't think h has ever considered that I might be dating. He seems more focused on HIS being free to marry OW

and his L mentioned in negotiations about the risks of an alimony buy out (=lump sum ahead of time, so that I waive the right to more support later, but we are DONE and I know he can't go back to court every year to whittle it down or when I work and get a raise,

then he cannot reassess the amount and yank me back to court and his lawyer said h risks , that " I might die right after a buy out," (lovely) meaning that he'd have "paid HIS money for nothing" (like our kids inheriting from me, would be for nothing...)

whereas the idea I might remarry - has never occurred to either of them---would mean he'd have "paid me all HIS money" only to have me marry OM next week. The buy out means I can remarry.

(No, it's not my plan.) But gosh, it would be fun to marry M the day after the spousal support buy out, you know, just to enjoy all h's support - all of which I EARNED and more, God knows...).

I guess the fact that h has not considered it, feels insulting. And it's goofy that I give a darn. Can't wait till I don't care about h anymore. WHEN DOES THAT HAPPEN??

It's not about M, I don't think. Though he helps me to heal.

And unlike H, I won't post photos on FB about M and I dating (that R is progressing nicely, btw)

b/c

1) I don't feel the need for the world to know what's happening in my private life, though I did change my name on FB; my marital status remains private

and

2) M has an ex wife whom I've never met. I bear her no ill will. I will not disparage her. Or humiliate her or hurt her, if I can avoid it-

M has a 20 y/o son too. Why would M or I want either of them to see me and him together on fb?

M's son says he supports M dating, that he "expects" his dad to date, but that is not the same as saying "go ahead now, and see someone in particular and post on FB".
And I think M's ex will date too, though M does not think that at all.

AND fwiw, a lot of men in my divorcecare class assume their ex won't ever date. What is that about? Egos? Is that what my h believes? Why wouldn't I date? Because I"m waiting or just so undesirable? I'm just saying that 5 of the 6 men in my group believe their ex wives will "never date". Just odd...

Anyhow, no FB posts about how HAPPY I AM with NEW MAN in my life...b/c

I'm not H. Different values, different moral compasses. Sooooo

I have how many days left till Ground Hog Day? 3-4 weeks.

Prayers please.

Hey, here's to making 2018 what WE need and want it to be. Better. Healthier (wealthier, please) and kinder, with more joy and more love.

For all of us.

M and I may merely be passengers on a plane crash who comfort each other in the aftermath or during the crash itself. Maybe that's what this R is.

And you know what? That's okay with me right now. But he sure is more interested in the R itself than h probably ever was. M is interested even when he's not wanting affection, etc.

I think part of healing is being on your own enough, to get to know yourself. To know you are alright alone, even at peace.

AND for me, THEN the part of healing is knowing that a man finds me really attractive, personally appealing, which M calls a "positive energy and vibe" that I give off and that I'm sexy and funny and smart,

(and all the other stuff you guys don't even know about how great I am!)

This stage of healing is where I'm ready to hear it, think it's true, mostly, and not go and marry the kindly man, just for stroking my ego.

It's like the final stitches on a gaping chest wound or something...there will be a scar, but it's a lot better.

And yes, I am for real, taking it slow with M. But it taught me about H and the other WAS's who seek out APs and get overly familiar too fast.

They crave being in a couple --they are used to it and H was in Alaska where he had few real friends---

but they don't want to face the wreckage their departure left behind. Plus for h, it is literally FAR away and out of sight.

It must seem FAR FAR easier to start over, with new fans all around, or so they believe. And in the short run, it must be. Maybe even the long run if they can avoid looking around for long, or forever.

OR what if they literally do not care much about it. What if the family and marriage they left behind is simply not that much of a priority to them? In a sense, it's obviously true.

That hurts but it's also -- if true - a mark on them, not you.

Down the road, with grandchildren, weddings and graduations, I can only wonder.

Okay - Good night all. Sorry for the length of this. Thanks for catching up too.

[Vanilla]

Gracious 25 takes me forever to read your posts and chew on them.

Suddenly I sense anger!

As you know I love anger in a poster as it marks a new phase when it's directed.

All I can say is go get 'em tiger. Scheming little manipulative small minded, waster of a jerk wad.

You know I love you, right?

So I truly want to see you screw him into the ground, mince his innards. His little thing won't work because hahaha he ain't attracted to OW.

She doesn't juice him up.

The cold got his balls of jelly.

And the only Alaska he will get is the ice cream puff kind.

Go out get more than your ego stroked by kindly man. I recollect Sunny got herself some saucy undies and had a great time. Greengrass acquired some push up bras and low cut dresses and red kick ass heels. I loved Greengrass and her sassy stuff including rainbow eyes.


You are young, well compared to V you are and deserve some sweet loving.

So let me actively encourage you to bolster those girls, lift your spirits and go get em.

In court V had her sassy on, no hiding the effect that had, in fact L said go get less glam tomorrow. Mind you I needed every big knicker in sight to hold it all and prevent the wobble. Soon my own muscles will do it.

Clench those buttons cheeks, puff out that chest, because honey you have something that grot features don't have! Style and gumption.

V

[OwnIt]

Hi 25, I'm still following along.

As to your legislation idea, I agree with you. I also think this would be a great project for you to take on in your state. You have people rounded up and stories to tell. I'm looking for a fight. I'd be happy to take it on in my state too.

Why shouldn't abuse in divorce be treated like a preference in bankruptcy with actions voidable within a certain time frame of divorce or separation (or the contemplation of the same) as preferences in bankruptcy are. Additionally, the penalty should be forfeiture as you indicate in order to curb the potential for abuse. I think if you can establish incapacity as in your case, it should be a 2 or 3 times penalty, such as an exceptional case.

[Vanilla]

I have concerns about this approach

I think that the values removed from family assets should be added back to the individual that took them.

Assets used to pay joint marital debts or for the reasonable support of children deducted from that amount. Then a fixed amount for support of each marital partner with a bigger deduction for the one who leaves the marital home or who has the children for CAPITAL expenses.

Amounts spent on addictions compulsions and taking OP on holiday to be added back in full to CAPITAL.

Income to be subject to usual rules but with fixed maximum values on certain elements of lifestyle. Such as smoking, drinking and gambling, porn, golf etc.....

Fixed amounts for a reasonable car, dentist, medical and tennis instructors.

All waywards to be restricted to camping holidays. I days only.

All LBS to have their match.com paid for.

And V to have sole access to Liam and all the dance shoes she needs.

V

[OwnIt]

This discussion was directed to fraudulent transfers in draining joint accounts on the eve of divorce/separation, which 25 indicates are not illegal. As far as rewriting the family codes of 50 states, that part will have to wait.

[kml]

How are you doing girl? Haven't heard from you in a while.

[kml]

???? Hope you're ok.




Girlfriend - please post so we know you haven't had a stroke.

[AndrewP]

KML - There's another site that 25 posts on that I haven't seen her there on for a while either.

I believe that someone here has her IRL coordinates - perhaps they can check up on her.


Edit - she was last here on 1/28 but did not post, and did post on FB last week. - Cadet