I know I mostly followed that script. But then comes Act II.
1. After uncurling from the fetal position, the realization you are going to live through this. 2. Doing the things YOU want to do, because you missed doing them. 3. Beginning to detach. 4. Growing enough to realize that yes, you were not the perfect spouse, but neither were they. 5. Realization that your spouse was a fool to leave you, and you are going to kick life's a$$ from here on out.
Happines comes with us J9. You know you can look it inside. And you´ll find it. Take into account what you´ve got. You are a great father, enjoy your kids...enjoy your life. Keep detaching, keep walking.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
Thanks N...will do and I appreciate the kind words. The pain is not nearly as intense as it was at BD but now that we are moving forward I find those old emotions coming up again and I am trying real hard to bat them back down so I can remain strong.
We get use to those feelings. We are always longing for past times or thinking about lots of what if... It´s all about feelings, it´s all memories, our minds work that way. We can´t get rid of them and we should not do that anyway. It is our history, and nothing can change that. But it is our past also. And we live the present...
Stay strong, keep walking (((J9)))
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
The pain is not nearly as intense as it was at BD but now that we are moving forward I find those old emotions coming up again and I am trying real hard to bat them back down so I can remain strong.
J,
I heard a great podcast this morning that relates to what your feeling.
You are projecting the idea of having a happy family and relationship with you wife. That is not the reality and that is causing you to suffer.
Like Ayn Rand said " We can ignore reality, but we cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality".
Good stuff guys, I agree I need to live in the present and stop my mind from wondering around in the past. I think it is going there because we are moving forward.
I just got back from our A's office. We went over everything that we agreed to on, I signed some papers that acknowledge the D so I wont be served and then we walked over to the court house to file the paperwork. Now it is up to our A to do her thing and wait for the 60 day window to expire.
So baring a miricle I should be officially D around the end of April!
I must say it was easier than I expected. I was happy, confident, didn't sulk, cry, wasn't angry, etc. The conversation was very light and lose, I even joked around some. Our R never came up, there was never a moment of weakness on part or hers about wanting to talk about us. Very non-emotional.
After it was over with she said "Thank you" for being you. I told her your welcome, asked her if she wanted to get some lunch, she declined said she wanted to go home and sleep. I said ok cool and off I went.
I find it pretty satisfying that she "Thanked me" for being me. Which hopefully gives you all some insight on who I am as a person. It also confirms to me that she knows what/who is walking away from and she is good with it. Truthfully I just don't think she could handle being a full time mom and wife any more.
Since my W and I have agreed on everything this should be a very smooth and easy process. I will be keeping the house and we will have joint/equal custody of our children with them alternating weeks between the both of us.
J9, congrats on surviving that! Sounds like an excellent outcome - almost exactly what my XW and I agreed on. I'm glad this wasn't contentious for you.
Originally Posted By: Joseph9
I find it pretty satisfying that she "Thanked me" for being me. Which hopefully gives you all some insight on who I am as a person. It also confirms to me that she knows what/who is walking away from and she is good with it. Truthfully I just don't think she could handle being a full time mom and wife any more.
Keeping your sense of self through this whole process - quite an achievement. It's certainly not easy, and you did much better than me.
High five!
Me-47,XW-43 S13,S16 M:18 BD:4-23-17 W filed:7-17-17 (5 months of in-house separation hell) W moved out:1-6-18 D granted:2-15-18 Decree signed:3-29-18
Thanks H.....being sep sure made it easier. I am happy with myself and conducted myself with integrity. When she thanked me a new I did things right, it just never made a difference.
Ok all you D experts......I need to refi my house and give her half the equity. Does it matter when I do it? Is there any reason to delay the process? The D won't be finalized until April.
I thought about giving her more of the 401 but she wants cash on hand and I think if she took out cash from the 401 before it got transferred she wouldn't have to pay the 10% penalty but would still have to pay 20% in taxes which I would have to compensate her for since she wouldn't get taxed on her equity proceeds.
You are in luck my friend because I just refinanced last night. Look into a home equity loan because of the lower interest rates and closing costs. As long as it is cool with her you can do it whenever because she will have to sign agreeing to taker her name off the mortgage.
Last night I said to myself "this castle is all mine and I can do anything I want to it". Big screen TV and mini bar is going in the living room.
