Help needed from Far-east.

[anative]

Also, she told me. If I see anyone or will start dating anyone, I have to leave the store. What the ...!!!

Not that I want to date anyone but she didn't hear what she said at all. She is falling apart.

[anative]

After I told her not to call me and avoid doing things together, she seems cold. I still work at the store. She used to tell me where she went but not anymore.

The other day, she told her parent that I moved out. Her parent so upset. Her parent knew about her A from her brother a couple days later(I consulted her oldest brother from the beginning.). They won't approve her affair and will take the store back if she chose to go with OM. However my W doesn't know that her parent knew yet.

I don't know her situation with OM. However, I feel great living separately at the condo. Am I on the right track? It is so opposite of what I think it is a right thing to do.

[Maika]

She's being cold because reality isn't matching up to whatever fantasy she had in her head - that she could have OM and also you in her life. Cake eating as we say.

I think what you're doing is good. I know it feels the opposite of what you should do, but you're doing the right things.

Let her face the consequences of her choices from her family and others. Stay out of it as much as you can, even though you may be close to them.

You're on the right track because you are feeling better and starting to heal. Continue this and don't backslide. You are doing great.

Keep your boundaries and keep on your healing journey.

[joejoe1]

A,

Great Job. Keep up the hard work. she's hurting, her fantasy is turning into a reality. She thought she had you on a hook and now you have wiggled off. You are not enabling her anymore and she hates it. You were such a convenience for her and now she has to do her own work.

She can't stand to see you with another woman, because she is selfish. Remember that a WW is very selfish and everything is about them.

Remember you were one of her options and now she's left with one.

She had 3 options.

1. Leave you and stay with her affair partner
2. Leave her affair partner and start working on the M.
3. Leave both of you.

You control 2 and 3. If you leave she is left dealing with option 1. Doing any of these options hurt too much so she's holds on to all her options as long as she can, so she doesn't have to deal with life. Stay out of her way and continue on your own journey, if she is ready she will let you know. Key words, "She will let you know". You won't have to ask, does she want to be back with you. She will tell you. Keep your boundaries up and keep moving forward.

Onward and upward

[anative]

Thank you Maika, Joejoe.

Stay out of her way and continue on your own journey, if she is ready she will let you know. Key words, "She will let you know". You won't have to ask, does she want to be back with you. She will tell you. Keep your boundaries up and keep moving forward.

Is it possible that W will think her chance is really over? I won't take her back.

Also, In case, she is really over with OM, she might be too shame to "LET ME KNOW" that she wants to be back. How do I hint WW that I will/might take her back under my conditions without saying?

[joejoe1]

A,

You can keep the door cracked. When she is ready she will come. As long as you are not mean and cold, she will know you haven't closed her off. Don't go rushing back in or asked her any questions about the R or M. Let her come to you. She has to choose you. When she hits bottom she will she where the safe landing spot is. And that is you.

Keep doing what you are doing and stay the course, be calm and live your life.

[anative]

Two weeks ago, my W went out of town and stay for 1 night. She said she will go see OM. She told me she feels regret what she did to me and she was trying to work thing out but then I told her to stop calling me so she started to contact OM instead. I think that BS, even I allow her to get close to me she will still contact OM anyway if she got a chance. I’m not sure if OM came back for her for real like he told her before or not. However, she didn’t go anywhere again for two weeks which is strange if OM is in the country.

This evening, she told me she will be out of town again for 3 nights getting together with friends and stay for her friend’s marriage. She will asked my D if D wants to get out of her dorm on Thursday night and stay with her at the hotel for one night. I don’t expect that going for her friends is the truth. But I didn’t ask.

Staying at condo is great. I woke up early, went to gym, came back to change and go to work. We talk only on the important matters and go separate way after work.

Now, her parent is on my side. They told me that the other night my W came see them and said she is so over with me, nothing can bring us back. However, her parent won’t accept my W’s action. If my W want to leave me for OM she has to go empty hand, they will take the business back and let me manage for them.

[joejoe1]

A,

Good job! You are standing up for yourself and your values that's awesome. Don't worry about your W, her will leave her with mounting consequences to deal with. It's only the beginning. Her telling you, you cutting her led her to the OM is BS and you know it. She was talking to him while you were giving her attention. She is trying to justify her actions to herself by telling you that. You are doing great. Keep up the hardwork and post more often.

Onward and forward

[anative]

I haven’t posted for a while b/c nothing is going on much.

Then 3 days ago, my W told me that she hasn’t contacted OM since they met last time. And she won’t contact him anymore. She is very sorry on what she did to me. She was not herself back then. However, she realize right now, she want to stop this on her own. I can change her phone number or take her phone if I don’t believe her. She want us to be together again. She said, we can be a business partner for the start and start a new business together. She will earn my trust again. Even though, there is only 1% chance that I will take her back again as a wife, she will try. She is willing to do anything I ask. Only one condition that I have to promise her that I won’t see anyone.

I was waiting for her to reconcile for so long, how come when it actually happens, I am not excited at all. I’m kinda disappointed actually. I’m so calm with myself right now. I am just OK for only a month. How should my move be now? I am aware that I shouldn’t let her back in too easy or too soon. What conditions should I give her? Any time frame on that?

[joejoe1]

A,

It's your timeline. It's no defined timeline on when you take your W back. You just don't open the door arms wide open accepting her back. She has to do the work. If she is willing to change her number and get a new phone then that is a good step. If she is saying she will work to get your trust back that also good.

I will tell you that during DB all I wanted was my W back. Then I got her back and for a few weeks or months, I was feeling good then resentment and anger start to take hold. And I start questioning wanting to be with her. I felt like I could do better. I noticed that I felt better during DB than during our reconciliation. I start to notice that I was more calmer when I was DBing and not caring about what she was doing. And now, I had so many questions and concerns.

Well, all those things I mentioned above is part of the process. During DB you work hard on detaching to not worry about what your W is doing. Then all of a sudden you are back in a M, with a person that has left a wound in you deeper than the Grand Canyon, and everything should be ok right no! There is a lot of work to be done on both sides. She will have to face a lot of questioning and you not trusting her. And you will have to learn to trust her, it will take years for all this to take place. So the feelings your are having are normal.

But do the work and self reflection and be honest with yourself, are you still wanting the M? Don't lie to yourself, if you do, than work towards that, if not work towards moving forward with your life and let your W know how you feel.