I'm not sure what the legal system is in your neck of the woods but here you submit the decree nisi to the court and unless there are any objections six weeks later you get the decree absolute. Finis ..
It would be interesting to see if XW speaks to your kids about it as well and if they show their feelings to her, but not your problem anymore. Right?
I know I probably read to much in to things but you saying you feel like a door is finally shutting and then the doorbell ringing at six in the morning and you not answering it is spooky!
Your breakfast sounds yummy! Happy weekend AP!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
I received a note this morning from SIL1 linking me to the obituaries for both of my ex-inlaws. They'd passed on Sunday. The funeral is tomorrow (Friday). They were in a nursing home, they're elderly and it's flu season. I'm not shocked.
As a minor kick in the teeth, my ex's partner and by extension my children's father was listed as OM. I'm not too surprised as I expect the obituary was done up by my ex SIL who I believe gloried in her part in tearing apart my marriage. Not sure what my ex will think of that as she's become an incredibly private person in the last 2 years. I recall her fury on receiving a birthday card from her sister after BD before she moved out addressed to Ms. as opposed to Mrs.
Both kids have deliberately kept this info from me which is annoying but understandable. I'll leave S23 a note in the kitchen and message one to D25 that I know. I don't know if they are planning on attending the funeral or not but I am pretty sure that D25 won't be due at least to logistical issues with her husband being out at sea at the moment. I don't know what S23's plans may be.
It's good perhaps that exquisitetobe brought this topic up a few days ago so I had things figured out. I've sent an email of condolence to my ex passing on my thoughts and prayers, letting her know that I won't intrude but that if she needs anything to ask. I'll pick up cards for my ex and her siblings and pop them into the post tonight.
I did indeed shed a few tears this morning processing this and as I wrote my email to my ex. Tears for the passing of two people that I cared for quite a lot. And yes, tears for what I and my ex have both lost together and my inability to do more for her in her current time of need. I was always her rock during times like this but I was fired from that job.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I understand, believe me. When we lost exh's Grandma, i was devastated. It's so hard losing someone you love, and having that loss bring up the other fresh losses ... it's a lot. I'm glad you see the cruelty for what it is. Try not to give ex-SIL the cow any extra attention. Anyone who knows the family knows the truth. The rest of the folks don't matter. Such deliberate cruelty. Unreal.
You're such a good, kind man! Yes, we just discussed this recently also, when exh's aunt passed. I was grateful for your input and cards in the mail are kind and unobtrusive, which is best I think, given the crappy situation.
How are your kids with this? Were they close to their grandparents?
xoxoxoxo
{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Yeah, that is a big kick in the teeth! And you? You are a fount of kindness in the face of unkindness. I always take note of what you do because it is thoughtful and kind. Fist bump! What did S23 say?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I am so sorry about the deaths of your ex-inlaws. It's interesting how "private" info shows up in obituaries and I am sorry if it hurt to read about the OM. I'm sure your xw wasn't too thrilled to have that news put out there for the public to read, but that's how it goes sometimes.
My condolences to you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
bttrfly - I didn't know you had a potty mouth! I like it I'm sorry that I mixed up who started the discussion about funerals. It was indeed you that had the discussion about funerals. exquisitetobe had the discussion about weddings.
The kids had a distant relationship with their extended family being not really close to either side. We spent more time with their mother's side because that's what their mother wanted but we were more props than participants. Showing up for pictures and the many "must attend" events but otherwise shoved into the background. I hate to label it, but there was a "narcissistic" bent to that familial relationship where we were expected to attend to them but there was little reciprocity. Quite often the kids and I would end up in "old man corner" where I would engage the similarly abandoned father-in-law in conversation. None of his kids had much respect for him and treated him poorly especially because of his rampant infidelity. The kids never spent any time with their grandparents on their own even though they were promised it lots of times.
Gordie - I haven't talked to S23 yet. He was still in bed when I left and I only found out this morning. His sister has read my note and not responded - not really much to say and I expect similar silence from him. I do hope he goes to the service - it is a "duty" after-all. He surprised me yesterday by shaving his head - I think if OM sees him he'll be a bit surprised. He's a kind lad but looking at him you can also see the Provincial kick-boxing medalist he was a few years ago.
job - thank you for your kind thoughts. The exposure may be very difficult for my ex to deal with especially on top of grieving for her parents and the other issues that are sure to come up settling the estate because we expected that to be when her father's illegitimate child(ren) to make an entrance demanding their share. Perhaps her guy will be a rock of support for her like I would have been especially since I had nearly 30 years to prepare, but he's not proven that in the past.
Perhaps this will push her towards that semi-mythical rock bottom we sometimes talk about here. Part of me still wishes to rescue her but the larger part knows that I need to step back and live my own life and grieve privately.
((Westo)) - thank you.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
What a shock to read the obituary as written.. I am sure your children won' t be too impress. How insensitive!! Piss me off how outsiders can cause damage to innocent people in relation to their target. People need to realise that their words and actions affect more than one person sometimes. I am so sorry about all of this!!
My BIL's funeral was yesterday. We had to turn around halfway for road closure. My family thought we had the accident. They did not receive my message. We were on the road all day and did not get anywhere. I' ll post an update on my thread later.. i am currently emotionnally drained..
Andrew, following your thread is comforting. You have so much dignity, composure and kindness. ((( )))
I'm sorry that I mixed up who started the discussion about funerals. It was indeed you that had the discussion about funerals. exquisitetobe had the discussion about weddings.