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A Message from Michele
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Has a SSM EVER been Fixed? #2769273
11/27/17 04:51 AM
11/27/17 04:51 AM
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patty13 Offline OP
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patty13  Offline OP
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And I mean to the point where both people are happy with their sex life? Not just to the point where 1 or the other gives up? Or settles for less?

Life is short and how many 2nd, 3rd, 10th chances should there be?

Re: Has a SSM EVER been Fixed? [Re: patty13] #2777270
01/31/18 06:28 AM
01/31/18 06:28 AM
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Yes. Depending on what you mean by "Fixed".

If there are medical issues causing a desire discrepancy, those can be addressed and possibly resolved.

If there are relationship issues (emotional baggage) getting in the way of intimacy, those can also be addressed.

If "fixable" problems aren't the issue, and one partner just wants it significantly more than the other, that present more of a challenge, but partners with good communication and desire to please each other and meet each others needs can attempt to meet in the middle.


Me, H-39, W-33
T-11, M-3
No children
Bomb 10/2017 - "Not sure what she wants"
Bomb #2 12/2017 - forced convo it did not go well.
W moved out 3/18
OM Confirmed 4/1 (less than a week after move out)
Re: Has a SSM EVER been Fixed? [Re: reframe] #2781769
03/14/18 05:51 PM
03/14/18 05:51 PM
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patty13 Offline OP
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Thanks reframe but judging by the lack of replies, I guess it doesn't happen often. Probably by the time you start dealing with the problem there is so much resentment that it's beyond fixing!

Re: Has a SSM EVER been Fixed? [Re: patty13] #2781790
03/15/18 02:12 AM
03/15/18 02:12 AM
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Cadet Offline
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Originally Posted By: patty13
Thanks reframe but judging by the lack of replies, I guess it doesn't happen often. Probably by the time you start dealing with the problem there is so much resentment that it's beyond fixing!


I think all relationships have a HD and a LD person so this is such valuable knowledge to have.

I am reminded of the Woody Allen movie(Annie Hall-I think) where he says - We never have sex, only 3 times a week.
Then Diane Keaton (I believe) says we are always having sex - all the time like 3 times a week.

So sometimes it just depends on your perspective.


Me-64, D32,S31
Re: Has a SSM EVER been Fixed? [Re: Cadet] #2784429
04/07/18 07:03 AM
04/07/18 07:03 AM
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patty13 Offline OP
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Would be thrilled with 3 times a week. Even once a week. But never is never. And never is not enough. It's hard to spin that one into an issue of perspective.

Life is cruel. I had a sexless marriage for 38 years. Then I escaped and found what I always wanted, a man who actually liked sex. Multiple times a day sex. For 5 years he was a freaking GOD in the bedroom...wherever! Then those days ended and here I am going on yet another sexless relationship. Yup, I know the common denominator is me.

I treated him like a king and catered to his every wish. I always wanted him to feel appreciated and loved. I wasn't a bitch, I didn't nag. I did everything I could but the party ended anyway!

Since last year no one has said yet they fixed one of these. I did read Michele's book a couple times but when I got into my new R I passed it on to someone else. Wish I still had it now but if memory serves me correctly she didn't have much luck actually fixing these either.

Re: Has a SSM EVER been Fixed? [Re: patty13] #2784562
04/09/18 12:55 AM
04/09/18 12:55 AM
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I have never been in a sexless relationship although the marriage that I had when I showed up here was sex-controlled.

Another words if I wanted sex I needed to be controlled by my ex.

So I must wonder in you current relationship - what changed that your partner no longer wanted any sex at all?


Me-64, D32,S31
Re: Has a SSM EVER been Fixed? [Re: Cadet] #2785593
04/16/18 04:43 PM
04/16/18 04:43 PM
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patty13 Offline OP
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He is still sweet, loving, kind, and attentive. He says the problem is his and he knows it. He just won't DO anything about it. Last year he went to see a psychiatrist several times and he asked how I felt about it. I said he was free to do whatever he felt he should do. But personally I thought there was a better way. Just go get physically checked out and get the blue pill. Problem solved and then if there are psychological issues to work on, take your time. In my experience, psychiatrists do nothing fast and you can be in therapy all your life and see no concrete results. So might as well take care of the sex problem!


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