If there are medical issues causing a desire discrepancy, those can be addressed and possibly resolved.
If there are relationship issues (emotional baggage) getting in the way of intimacy, those can also be addressed.
If "fixable" problems aren't the issue, and one partner just wants it significantly more than the other, that present more of a challenge, but partners with good communication and desire to please each other and meet each others needs can attempt to meet in the middle.
Me, H-39, W-33 T-11, M-3 No children Bomb 10/2017 - "Not sure what she wants" Bomb #2 12/2017 - forced convo it did not go well. W moved out 3/18 OM Confirmed 4/1 (less than a week after move out)
Thanks reframe but judging by the lack of replies, I guess it doesn't happen often. Probably by the time you start dealing with the problem there is so much resentment that it's beyond fixing!
I think all relationships have a HD and a LD person so this is such valuable knowledge to have.
I am reminded of the Woody Allen movie(Annie Hall-I think) where he says - We never have sex, only 3 times a week. Then Diane Keaton (I believe) says we are always having sex - all the time like 3 times a week.
Would be thrilled with 3 times a week. Even once a week. But never is never. And never is not enough. It's hard to spin that one into an issue of perspective.
Life is cruel. I had a sexless marriage for 38 years. Then I escaped and found what I always wanted, a man who actually liked sex. Multiple times a day sex. For 5 years he was a freaking GOD in the bedroom...wherever! Then those days ended and here I am going on yet another sexless relationship. Yup, I know the common denominator is me.
I treated him like a king and catered to his every wish. I always wanted him to feel appreciated and loved. I wasn't a bitch, I didn't nag. I did everything I could but the party ended anyway!
Since last year no one has said yet they fixed one of these. I did read Michele's book a couple times but when I got into my new R I passed it on to someone else. Wish I still had it now but if memory serves me correctly she didn't have much luck actually fixing these either.
He is still sweet, loving, kind, and attentive. He says the problem is his and he knows it. He just won't DO anything about it. Last year he went to see a psychiatrist several times and he asked how I felt about it. I said he was free to do whatever he felt he should do. But personally I thought there was a better way. Just go get physically checked out and get the blue pill. Problem solved and then if there are psychological issues to work on, take your time. In my experience, psychiatrists do nothing fast and you can be in therapy all your life and see no concrete results. So might as well take care of the sex problem!