I am happy to hear that you are in a good place. I have not read your thread, but was curious, do you have children from your first marriage?
So there is a total of how many kids now with your new H?
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
It’s been a loooong week. I was in a pretty bad car accident on Monday, on Wednesday we had to put down a beloved pet, and on Thursday one of my step kids had an important doctor’s appointment regarding an on-going health issue, and he may need (more) surgery in the near future.
My husband also had his annual check up this week. Months ago, he told me he was going to ask at this check up about getting his vasectomy reversed so we could try to have a baby together. I remembered that he had said this before he went to the appointment, but I didn’t remind him because (1) with everything else we had going on, it seemed like a silly thing for me to be concerned about and (2) part of me wanted to see if he would remember on his own. I know I’m carrying over baggage from my first marriage — my xH perpetually procrastinated on having children, we had the one child we did only because I pushed him into it, he resented me for not giving him more time, and he never wanted to discuss the issue because it stressed him out.
Now, I’m afraid to ask my husband what the doctor said because I’m afraid that either he didn’t, in which case I’m going to be hurt that he didn’t remember to do it/assume that he doesn’t really want to have a baby with me, or he did, but bringing it up will stress him out (and also worry that the fact that he didn’t think to tell me what the doctor said will also mean he doesn’t really want to have a baby with me).
I know I’m being silly, but I had to get that off my chest.
Now, I’m afraid to ask my husband what the doctor said because I’m afraid that either he didn’t, in which case I’m going to be hurt that he didn’t remember to do it/assume that he doesn’t really want to have a baby with me, or he did, but bringing it up will stress him out (and also worry that the fact that he didn’t think to tell me what the doctor said will also mean he doesn’t really want to have a baby with me).
Elsa,
You're putting undo stress on yourself and your husband. If he didn't see the doctor, it doesn't mean that he doesn't want to have a baby with you. Most guys would rather have brain surgery than allow some total stranger to cut up their nuts. I put-off my vasectomy for a year and a half because I didn't want some guy to touch my junk. There's surgery and then there's nut surgery; they're two totally different things. Don't go nuts over his reluctance to have the reversal surgery; it's normal for a guy to have some fear and trepidation.
Hello all. It's been a while since I last posted. I celebrated my first wedding anniversary with my husband yesterday! Everything is going very well. He had a vasectomy reversal a few weeks ago, and we're both looking forward to expanding our family in the New Year. (It's amazing how he finds opportunities to express how excited he is about this; I seriously did not know that husbands could feel that way based on my previous experience.)
Things with XH have been rough this year, mostly due to some lingering trust issues that came up during an on-going disagreement regarding our daughter. But, it seems to be resolved, at least for now. XH recently told me he is dating someone and it is getting serious and he wants to introduce her to our daughter. I am genuinely happy for him and hope this means he is turning a new leaf in his life. (He never did acknowledge the existence of OW to me, and I hope for his new girlfriend's sake he isn't still seeing her.)
It's funny -- I still think he was wrong to have left and broken up our family, but the more I interact with him (and reflect on past interactions) I realize what a difficult person he was to live with. I'm never going to say that our divorce was "for the best" but I love my (current) husband and think we are MUCH better suited for each other than XH and I ever were.
I used to post on here as Julieh. I think we used to post to each other.
I can totally relate to those lingering feelings of anger about the gaslighting amd secrecy, even while moving forward with your life in a positive way.
My ex blamed so much on me. And then i found out he had a secret alcohol problem and was withdrawing 700 a week from bad neighborhoods for a minimum of 3 years. I still havent found out if there was a OW. But i would imagine there has to be. And it still enrages and upsets me so so much. Its like they didnt even respect us enough to just come clean. If i had known i would have detached so much earlier.
Thanks for posting. Im glad things are looking up for you. Congratulations.
