K - If a R convo every came up at some point that would essentially be part of the convo.
JJ - We shall see how serious she is and if she really follows through. Maybe as she consults with an A it will make her think twice who knows. I am more a Type B personality. It is hard not saying anything to her or initiating a R talk myself but I know it's the right thing to do. She has not given me 1 sign in almost 8 months the she feels any differently. When I see her she just appears dead inside, no spark in her eyes, just very flat.
She texted me last night, sent me a couple videos of our youngest playing basketball and said that maybe we could share an attorney. I haven't responded yet as I don't think that is possible but it does appear she is full steam ahead. I have the girls this week starting this morning so I wouldn't be too shocked if she met with one after work this week. It is interesting to me that she has never consulted with one so I can't help to wonder what got her to the point to where she is ready and if I did something wrong during my DBing efforts.
Either way, what will be will be and I really am at peace.
I love your strength, it makes me feel very optimistic. My situation is similar with Avery stubborn wife. I’m waiting to see what she does, she has an attorney and I’m sure she’s trying to get her ducks in a row. But I get the feeling that she’s not sure, she thinks she wants it but she’s in no hurry. However my issues is that we are early in and I’ve been following Sandis rules, and I think she’s confused from my attidude which is aloof st best. She’s still going out for long periods of time and not saying anything, she went out for groceries and a run, it’s been almost 5 hours. I think it’s best for her to spend as much time as possible with OM so she can see the reality of it. Good luck with it and like you I’m open to the R talk but she needs to have that talk not me.
It is interesting to me that she has never consulted with one so I can't help to wonder what got her to the point to where she is ready and if I did something wrong during my DBing efforts.
Again I'm new to this... but from what I've read (no spark, dead inside) I'd like to assume it wasn't anyone else that made her say ok lets do it.
Not you at least, but I know my W has some very toxic work friends who portray this fantasy land of getting D and how great it is...
it’s been almost 5 hours. I think it’s best for her to spend as much time as possible with OM so she can see the reality of it.
M- If I may... I believe your in the ballpark for train of thought. I think you need to set clear boundaries for yourself, with what you will/will not tolerate. That's a fine line that only you can decide.
Unfortunately somewhat similar to you, I also believe that W has to get out there and 'have a chance to miss me' and/or W has to get out there and fail. See that the grass isn't greener or doesnt stay that way, in this new fantasy reality she now has.
K - I don't think anyone told her it was time to move forward. Even though she has plenty of enablers around her it is still ultimately her decision. I just found myself replaying my DBing efforts in my head thinking I might have done something wrong but in reality there was nothing going to stop this from occurring.
Truthfully, if she has someone in her ear, a significant enabler or OM I would have thought she would have consulted with an A before now, would be more aggressive with what she wanted and have been more knowledgeable about the process. I also don't think she would have waited almost 8 months to start.
M - Your strength will come as you gain confidence which goes hand in hand with detaching. You also need to step back and take a good look at the R and evaluate it objectively for what it is. If you diligently follow the rules you will gain self-respect and also your W's. Once you start to learn and grow as a person I guarantee you your feelings towards your W will change and you will no longer view her in the same light.
Early on there is this perceived power struggle because she appears strong and you weak because she took your comfortable life away from you. Over time though that will change and you will start to view her as the weak one in the R. You will start to see through her.
I do understand how and believe now that most LBS's will have a shot at RECON again. Like AS and others say though it will not happen on our timeline, could very well occur after the D and most likely by that time the LBS has moved on.
For me, it won't come until after I have moved on. My W doesn't have the money for a retainer but at this point I am not going to stand in her way of a D. All of our money is still joint money so she should have access to use it just as I should. If she really wants to file and get out that bad then I will make it happen. I am not going to play the game of if you don't have enough money for a retainer then I am going to hold you in a MR that it is obvious you don't want to be in.
M - Your strength will come as you gain confidence which goes hand in hand with detaching. You also need to step back and take a good look at the R and evaluate it objectively for what it is. If you diligently follow the rules you will gain self-respect and also your W's. Once you start to learn and grow as a person I guarantee you your feelings towards your W will change and you will no longer view her in the same light.
Early on there is this perceived power struggle because she appears strong and you weak because she took your comfortable life away from you. Over time though that will change and you will start to view her as the weak one in the R. You will start to see through her.
I do understand how and believe now that most LBS's will have a shot at RECON again. Like AS and others say though it will not happen on our timeline, could very well occur after the D and most likely by that time the LBS has moved on.
For me it feels like a break up when I was younger with a GF, you would get mad and jealous and dare her to leave then after a couple of weeks you missed them and they blow you off. Then you slowly rebuild and get over it, but just then she shows up thinking she really screwed and didn’t like what she saw out there and wants to try again. By this time you normally say I’m good, too late. Obviously this is a MR and it’s more complex and mature we have house and kids and responsibilities. Detachment is what I will work on to build my confidence once again. Thank you.
M - I guess it kind of is by obviously with bigger ramifications. The best advice I can give is to start working on detaching (it's a process not a light switch) and get into the best shape of your life.
H - I told her that I didn't think that would work as an A could only represent one person at a time.
In the same conversation I also told her that if she wants to have minimal L costs then her and I need to work together in the best interests of our future and our children to make this as easy and cost effective as possible.
She sent me a couple of emails this morning asking me who I was going to use, etc. (which I have no clue but my friend who is a judge gave me a couple names) and a few other things including paying for a retainer. I just told her to keep me updated on her progress.
M - I guess it kind of is by obviously with bigger ramifications. The best advice I can give is to start working on detaching (it's a process not a light switch) and get into the best shape of your life.
Right on, I’m a Marine and I used to be stacked, I think I’m going to make that my goal again.
