I’m glad you aren’t letting him bully you into anything unreasonable. Yes, he’s acting like a not so smart 12 year old bully who thinks he can get his way and if he doesn’t, then he has a temper tantrum. It’s exasperating but you my dear are stronger than this, so much stronger. How are the boys?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Thank you Bttrfly. I just want this part to end. So much stress.
And Gordie thanks for the encouragement.
I'd love some input. Here is what h proposes for custody split. Please note that he sees them each day after school before I get home around 5:00 ish. So he gets about 10 hours with s14 and about 17 extra hours w/s12 per week. I think I should get an extra night as he has this extra after school time. Also he wants them every Sunday and wants me to have them every Saturday (HELLO REPLAY). And he proposes the following split:
H would like sons Sunday day and night, Tuesday day and night, Thursday day and night and every other Friday day and night (that's 50/50). We live two miles from each other. He wants the dog to remain with the boys wherever they spend the night. (Probably so they can clean up after him--ha ha.) The other days would be spent at my house.
This seems like a lot of jostling. Experienced vets, can you advise? I think he is proposing a very atypical schedule.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
This totally depends on your state. Your lawyer should know absolutely what is typical. I live in a new age, new-fangled blue state where the parties are free to craft their own plans in your situation, nevertheless it does seem like a lot of back and forth.
Also doesn't make much sense. What if you want to go away for a weekend, or he does. A full weekend alternating split would make more sense.
What if he had two days during the week and then you guys split Friday through Sunday every other week. Seems like you'd be at 50/50 with less disruption for the boys.
I'll be interested to see if he exercises this. Hard for me to believe since mine is apparently no longer interested in seeing his son (even for the whopping 2 hours per month he was) and appears to accept that daughter wants no part of him and can't be bothered to find out why or repair the relationship.
I don't know... I mean, I definitely would not want to be sleeping in a different bed every second day. I think week on, week off makes the most sense with the "off week parent" having a night of the week that they hang out with the kids.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Ouch, ouch.
BD#1: "marriage is over" 9/14/2016 H in basement 24/7 with EX/OM BD#2: 3/20/2017 I plan to move out "soon" I LRT me: 42, H, 41, EX/OM, 37 D 10, Son 7 M to H = 20 years EX/OM moved in 10 years ago
Have you considered requesting a psych eval? I considered it for mine, along with drug testing. If there are concerns about the safety of the children, you have the right to ask. At least in Ohio, you do. You have plenty of ammo from the "poisoned food" to a million other things. I would question his competency to handle 50/50 parenting. Just my two cents.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
That schedule sounds like way too much hassle to me. I have the kids every other week and every Saturday as xw works Saturdays so that could change. We also wrote in that we can have one night to visit on our off week. Both of us only do this every so often. We change after school on Mondays so it limits seeing xw (normally would anyway).
Not only is that a lot of running around but it has you seeing him more than you need to. IMO not too stable for the kids, or anyone, changing things up so much. I don’t think he’s thinking about anyone but himself w/that schedule, especially since he wants you to take Saturdays. I like having the kids every Saturday but I know some day when I’m ready for a R that it might make things harder but I think of it as bonus time because my time has already been cut in half because of xw’s decisions.
Get what works best for you and the boys! You are the only one that can do what is right for yourself, kids, and h right now.
Holy run on sentence Batman, lol. I also wanted to add that even though things were tense at first, after things calmed down, xw has been good about custody schedule. We can switch times for events, work, etc. generally trouble free and fairly so hopefully when the dust settles you h will do the same.
I'm going to answer you as a mom who has to split time with exh and as the mother of a boy who has good friends who never spend more than 2 days at one parent's house.
As much as I hate the every other week, and I know my son also isn't crazy about it, neither my son nor I can fathom how my boy's friends can move from house to house two or three times a week. It's disruptive. It's not conducive to a healthy life.
I strenuously encourage you to look at an alternative. Ask the boys what they would prefer, if you think that is helpful. If you are to split time, make it every other week versus this insane plan your stbx has concocted.
And, as a woman who has son EVERY saturday night - DON"T do that.
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
