Life's High Seas

[Gordie]

K,

My little guys sometimes try to get us to hug. It hurts because I know what they want us to do...and feel like such a failure that I can’t give that to them.

Sounds like you handled the holidays as best as you could. Good that you stood up for yourself on what you wanted. In my agreement which splits holidays and switches every other year, if one party voluntarily gives up a holiday one year they don’t get to double dip the next year.

[Kyh]

Thank you all for the kind words:)

Gordie, it’s sad but don’t feel like a failure for that, we’re doing all we can.

To those on the east coast keep warm and stay safe!

[Kyh]

Journaling/rambling

Same ol' same ol' for the most part. Xw came by weekend before last to pickup the kids when she got off work and ended up hanging out talking for 5-6 hours and had a few beers. Lots of listening on my end and I see she is in replay, she was texting a lot w/ lady from her last job that she hangs out with/went out with all the time when things were terrible. She's 23-24. Also, dyed MLC friends hair blue and another Manson concert this upcoming weekend. Not that I had any expectations, just saw where she was and it was a huge reminder to leave her be and focus on me and the kids. I do find it odd she tells me where she is going and who with a lot now. Not that it matters to me, there is zero trust on my end.

We caught up a little she told me one x step s in law got divorced and some of her troubles, really not good.

Xw's phone was going off a lot and xw then told me that my "cousin" (one of two friends from college that I hung out with and xw later moved in with) and her h were having trouble and she had been talking to her a lot. I knew they had before xw's Mlc kicked off. Xw told me some details about how she says he treats her and I said something about how terrible it was, etc. Then xw basically said I made her feel the same way (stupid) I told her I was sorry that I never meant to make her feel like that. I can't remember exactly what all was said but xw tried to project this on me. I told her I never did those things to her, then she said you did. I asked how and then she told me a story about her mom. I'll spare the abusive details but at the end of it was xw being called stupid. The vibe changed drastically and then we both said let's not talk about this and things went back to normal friendly and light the rest of the night.

OMG, I hope she's not dishing out advice, projecting, etc. to x step sil and "cousin!"

This really gets under my skin. I will own that I wasn't always the best h but no one is. I never talked down to xw, never abusive, never thought less of her, talked bad about her, etc. In fact I always told people my w was awesome, and she was. I will own what I should but not this rubbish she is talking about. It's almost comical, its so unlike me.

I also saw a lot of anger (not directed to me), maybe some towards om, from xw. She talks about music (and energy-saving light bulbs, lol) A LOT. I mentioned that the singer from a band we liked kicked a lady in the face and how it s---s when you find out things like this about someone and you're a fan of their work. Xw has always had a thing for red head guys and she went on a mini rant about how all red head guys must be pos's, blah blah. Wow, lots of anger and I'm so guessing OM had red hair and can see she has unawarely now added him to her list of issues to be dealt with.

Enough about xw. I've been doing good for the most part but I've had some moments and one rough day. Idk quite what going on w/myself but I've been having little short swings of depression and sleep variances. The swings are usually short and I can snap out of it, except for the one day. Even down to minutes long, having some dumb trigger and then crying a few minutes then fine like nothing happened. Idk if I'm processing and letting go or what. I also had the opposite one morning, I felt really really good. This worries me a little but I guess I will keep an eye on myself lol.

Still struggling w/GAL but I'll get it. I've been planning on taking the kids on their first ski trip soon. Oh boy, Idk if I'm up for it but they caught onto ice skating quick. We were going to go over Christmas break but it was really cold so I decided to wait. I also got a text from a friend I haven't seen in quite awhile today. We're going to try to get together soon and maybe get a ski day or two in. Funny because I was just thinking a few days before I needed to get ahold of him. We're just far enough apart to be a pain to get together. I need to quit being lazy about going to Denver, it's quick if traffic is okay.

I also joined a new single parents meetup group so I may give that a try again. The last one I mentioned abruptly closed for some reason. Also making sure to play lots of positive music for me and the kids.

[bttrfly]

yeah, no Manson for the little ones, lol
Hi K, it's ok to have these moments, some rough, some the opposite. You're processing a lot and you've had to hold together a lot for the kids.

She's still in the oven and God help anyone to whom she's giving advice! Good grief!

Do you think some of your sleep variances and depression could be related to Seasonal Affective Disorder or is it residual from the D?

I think the first year post D is the hardest (at least that's what they say) so hang in there. Good to join another single parent meet up!! xoxoxo

[Gordie]

Good for you to separate out what issues you will own and what is just b s. I think there is a section in the script for women only that includes a lot of these statements. I think a lot of men are guilty of these things but not all so they get written about a lot in women’s books, get posted on Facebook, and for some become part of their echo chamber. After a while, it’s me too about this and that and instead of criticizing specific men for specific actions it becomes all men for all actions. This happens to men too about certain ways they feel “all women” treat men, use men, manipulate men, etc. It dehumanizes us as individuals and when unfairly directed towards a romantic partner, it weaponizes memory itself. I was so hurt 10 years ago when you did such and such! The fact that you have no recollection of this event makes you defenseless.

Kyh

[Gordie]

How did my salutation to Kyh wind up as a signature? Oops.

[Kyh]

Sorry for taking so long to come back to my thread. It was a crazy week at work.

yeah, no Manson for the little ones, lol
Hi K, it's ok to have these moments, some rough, some the opposite. You're processing a lot and you've had to hold together a lot for the kids.

She's still in the oven and God help anyone to whom she's giving advice! Good grief!

Do you think some of your sleep variances and depression could be related to Seasonal Affective Disorder or is it residual from the D?

I think the first year post D is the hardest (at least that's what they say) so hang in there. Good to join another single parent meet up!! xoxoxo

I know some the depression is residual but seasonal depression is a possibility. I've had it affect me before but only in the fall as far as I know. I will have to get some vitamin D and see if it helps.

I hope the first year is the worst. I'm sure it will be, moving forward.

Good for you to separate out what issues you will own and what is just b s. I think there is a section in the script for women only that includes a lot of these statements. I think a lot of men are guilty of these things but not all so they get written about a lot in women’s books, get posted on Facebook, and for some become part of their echo chamber. After a while, it’s me too about this and that and instead of criticizing specific men for specific actions it becomes all men for all actions. This happens to men too about certain ways they feel “all women” treat men, use men, manipulate men, etc. It dehumanizes us as individuals and when unfairly directed towards a romantic partner, it weaponizes memory itself. I was so hurt 10 years ago when you did such and such! The fact that you have no recollection of this event makes you defenseless.

Kyh

I know at least a couple of xw's friends she went to for support have husbands who fit that type so I'm sure they've projected their experiences when Xw went to them for support. I also think she's still projecting her childhood experiences onto me. She's brought up abusive experiences from her childhood from time to time throughout the entire crisis.

I work w/some of the all women are crazy types. It's sad people can't see that if ALL__ are___ that it's them.

[Gordie]

How’s it going?

[Kyh]

Hi Gordie, thanks for stopping by, especially w/so much going on. I'm doing alright, work has been stressful lately but not really much going on. I'm making it a ritual to do a weekly job search at a minimum.

Contact w xw is next to nothing via text or phone but she almost always comes in and hangs out when she gets kids. She usually makes tea or asks for a beer and talks to me about her work or kids for the most part. Usually for hours. Is this normal for Mlc? Last night she told me a story of her mom going to her school when she was in 2nd grade (same grade as D) being crazy. She told me because S had a bully issue at school and she went in. She told me she didn't want to turn into her mom but she knows it's in her.

Our conversations are friendly and we joke a little. I can she she has truly forgotten a lot. I referenced something last night and she told me didntbremember back then. Lots of listening on my part.

The kids and I are doing well for the most part. S's bully is a school-wide problem so he's not getting singled out. Not to downplay it but I think it's under control now. I've been feeling better than when I last posted. I think I had myself wore too thin. I know I was was also doing some processing though. I think we LBSs have to put a lot on the shelf when dealing w/the BD and what follows as it is too much too fast. Every once in awhile, sometimes out of nowhere, something clicks or I remember something and have to work through it. It's getting less and less though and things are getting easier to process.

[bttrfly]

I think we LBSs have to put a lot on the shelf when dealing w/the BD and what follows as it is too much too fast. Every once in awhile, sometimes out of nowhere, something clicks or I remember something and have to work through it. It's getting less and less though and things are getting easier to process.

YES!!!

absolutely.