Picking up Her MESS #2

[Maika]

I think that text is pretty good. I would probably just say something like this:

Hey! Weather is pretty bad out to drive and I thought it might be safer for me to drop off the kids in my truck. Does that work for you?

[marina7]

Journaling,
Well I guess no matter what I do W will always be W. Lol whatever this means anymore.

So in Illinois we getting hit pretty bad with snow so text W asking if she like me to drop off s and d at her location or any other location but closer to her because of the bad weather. So my text exactly was

Me- Good morning, as we both know weather is bad for anyone to drive I know you have a small car I have the truck if it's ok with you I can drop kids off at your location or any location closer to you.

W- Good Afternoon, I appreciate the offer. I have made arrangements to make it there safely and in time. I would like to keep our arrangement of pick-up and drop off as is.
I would appreciate it if the kids packed there snow boots.

In my text message I did not once mention to change the time or date. Or anything in that source but of course W felt to remind me that she doesn't wanna change anything hmmmm I seriously just cried because I can never win with her I wanted again for W to see I care for her am not the [censored] and monster she has painted me to be. I guess is true what they say Pisces are just pushovers we love hard and very caring humans.

Went to therapy and I guess the reason I keep circling back to emotions and feeling blah is I keep letting myself down example my therapist said. In my head I thought W would have came around all ready going on 10 months W walk out. Or I told myself W will snap out of it on Holidays W caredless or New Year's but W careless if we live or die. But in my peanut head I keep disappointing myself. I have to say therapist correct somewhere in me I think that one-day W will wake up and see what she left behind. I won't say am perfect but God knows am pretty close and somewhere in W heart she knows that she and my kids are my LIFE. I am a hopeless romantic I wish W one-day will knock on my door and say am ready to fight for you and my kids. I am not going give up.

Circling back to what therapist said, and this why I disappoint myself because when W doesn't do what I think she should do I get hurt again over and over.

[Vanilla]

Marina

Looks like a perfectly great co parenting exchange to me.

And the safety issue is taken care of. If it's not then that needs tackling in due course.

V

[Vanilla]

How are you lovely lady and mom?

I love your posts about the children and haven't heard for a few days.

V

[marina7]

Vanilla,
Hello been busy with Dr appointment had a serious spine surgery where they installed a pain stimulator through my back running down my spine,lately some issues with infection and battery that is place inside so Dr have me in antibiotics and in couple weeks back to operating room reopening back and rewiring and replacing batteries. In my kids words I am robo mom lol and there super "DAMA"

So Dama is a name my daugther gave to me when W and I lived together W was mommy and I am DAMA which mean I am like a dad but also a mom LOL. My Trio's say we have both worlds your a dad who makes sure we are ok you work hard you protect us and a mommy who makes sure we are ok,you cook you make sure we have clean cloths ECT. Well in my friends word I am a jack of all traits. But remembering now W hate that my kids thought so highly of me in my kids eyes I am simply perfect which W always grind her teeth or roll her eyes out I recall one day W rolling her eyes so bad I said make sure they don't roll out. W always says I am to attach to my kids and baby there A** to much.

Well this weekend W took kids we had snow storm I believe almost 2 feet or more it started Thursday night and by time Friday we where in bad shape to even drive News said do not drive only if necessary. So W has a small car no 4 wheel drive or anything I sent a text after 4 months of not even communicating we just do exchanges, so I was concern I told W I'll take to you at your location as I have a huge SUV that is great in snow I offered to even W take my truck I'll take our car as cars are still under my name.W replied saying I made arrangements blah blah I thought W renteda truck or a friend who has truck. Well well well W pulls up in her car I seen W pull up in our location W car slipping and slidding and I was in my truck shaking my head to myself I wanted to scream, but just like W she is a stubborn woman, I have a better chance with a real bull then dealing with W stubbornness and miss know it all. Smh I simply said if you need truck is yours I'll take car. Want to make sure kids are safe. W just stared with some sadness or just that unemotional look. Like seriously is like an Allien just standing there. Like nothing. I just kiss babies and wish them a great weekend with their mom.

S8 and D9 came back Sunday my best friend birthday so we went out to dinner after pick my d9 kept jacket on I wonder and ask take coat off d9 said am cold mom but it wasn't I ask are you ok. D9 responded yes but Us adult knew something was wrong so I ask one of my bestf to take her to bathroom and talk with d9 BTW these conversations with friend's where all text because I don't like talking about anything that's happening around kids Friend did and when she said what was happening I wanted to call W and say have you lost your marbles our Daugther is only 9,

Well W brought d9 a silky patted bra that made my d9 look like she had boobies btw my daughter does not have at all, I make daughter wear little girls under shirts. My d9 is just a little girl. Mentally and physically. D9 says she told W no I don't want W tell d9 you will look cute you need to start showing like you have boobies you will thank me one day WTF. I just wanted to go to her place and say what is wrong with you. She only a little girl.

Btw W knows how protective I am with my d9, with all my kids but more with d9 because she my little girl. Well d9 came home after dinner and ran upstairs then came back down and trash it. And started crying and saying mommy I felt dirty like a women and I dont want to feel that way, I held d9 saying you know it was wrong and I am proud of you for realizing that it was wrong to wear that. I am sorry but remember is your body and next time stand your ground and tell W you will not put that on. And remind her is my body my choice.

S8 says it was ok at her house but couple of time W reminded kids how that's her house and doesn't care what I do but in her house they better listen and eat whenever W says. Which again not sure why W feels to remind kids is her home and we will never get back. Tell kids I was a mistake on everything. Wow smh.

I guess I will never understand in my W eyes I am a monster, hates me for sure and now regrets her life knowing me. But then I read messages from not even a yr ago where W wrote me a beautiful letter saying how lucky she was she felt like she won the lottery, she praises me about being an amazing friend,wife and mother. And I have tons of cards and letters saying this. But now I am worthless and regrets even knowing me.

Now I admit to this it kills me trying to figure out how W just switch to hating me, US how can this happen and I don't have the answer. I guess I will never know what happen. I just wonder how long can this hate and anger last. Especially with me who have major surgeries again coming up. I don't wanna ever die holding on to this thought of W.

[marina7]

Journaling, and advice

So Happy V day everyone I am one day off but didnt have much time yesterday.

Yesterday another special day without W, as I stated before I am a hopeless romantic I would usually always make HOLIDAYS special and W loved that. But one thing W loved was the fact she always got roses at work or dip strawberries in chocolate it was just random just to say Have a good day or I love you my Queen. W always said co workers always ask how it felt because they only got flowers on BIRTHDAY or V day. I wonder if ow does what I did before or does W do to ow. I guess I'll never know.

So question, I turn 40 on Monday as we know is president day and kids off school here in Illinois. I have S9 this weekend, the only thing I want is my kids together with me. Well if up tp me I would want the old W too. I want to ask W can I keep him until Monday NIGHT. But let me add that on Wednesday we have court we go to trial for W to return S9 to me and sibilings. So should I at least try to ask W or should I not even bother.

I ask my friends some said yes some said No why disappoint yourself you know W going say No. But I feel I should at least try. I honestly wish I didn't have a birthday I thought as days go by it will get easier but this pain keeps lingering and emotions are just to much some times to bare.

Taking it a day at a time

[AnotherStander]

My suggestion is to celebrate your birthday a day early and give S9 to your W at the normal time. Hopefully by next year you and your W will be on better terms and can negotiate things like this, but I think the timing right now would be really bad given your looming court date.

[marina7]

Thank you Anotherstander, yes your right things with W is not good now as I try to co parent the last 11 months with W is always her way or the highway one of the reason I took her to court for basically using my s9 as a pawn she dangles my son if I don't do what she says. Ya opinions matter due to we are all going through the same so thanks again.

[marina7]

Journaling,
Wow I'll be 40 on Monday,not what I thought at 40 my W wouldn't be with me.

Today on FB memory lane 1yr ago W wrote me a beautiful letter while she was at work. W said I am a lucky woman and in the letter writes how I am her soulmate and sees us growing old. And in a text message last year this same day W says let's have another baby let's do it and I reply Yes and W respond with heart kisses emoji. Wow I question what happen.

Another big day if my life on Monday and W is not there. W abandon the people she claim to LOVE more than LIFE and hurt the most precious gift God gave us our kids.

At one point I would have done anything to get my W back but I ask myself over and over how can I even try when she hurted the 3 most little people I LOVE. I spend hours and hours reading here and reconciliation doesn't seem to be crack up as we think it will be. I think that will be the hardest battle I will have to fight if W wants to come back. I know I LOVE her and will always but the question is, Is W good for US is not just me is 3 other little hearts.

Last night W came up in dinner table as I and kids always pray before eating, I ask God to always protect W and guide her back to his loving arms (god) and lead W in the right path and guide her to the light. While praying tears running down my face. D9 wipe my tears and said mommy don't hurt anymore, mommy doesn't LOVE us or cares about us only herself. In my mind I said when did daugther get so wise. I said to d9 is tears of sadness because I know W was an amazing mom and W once, remember d9 you always pray for everyone no matter if they done you wrong you always be the better person. D9 says I know mom I just wish you get married and forget W I replied it won't be that easy because my heart still loves W. D9 said I know but mom doesn't deserve it. Again when did d9 get so wise.

So I ask that question what if W wanted to come back home to US s8 eyes lighted up and said you mean the old mommy not the mean one right I said yes the old mommy we know s8 said yes we be a family again.

D9 said No I said why d9 respond was no matter what you never leave your kids or hurt them mom did both and she hurted you alot. So NO. S8 glare at her I responded we all have our opinions and is ok. But W is not coming back I just wanted to know ya thoughts, d9 smirk she loves her NEW life and OW to much. My heart drop and I said alright change of conversation.

Then we proceeded how they wanted to bake me a cake and they wanna cook dinner this weekend is all about me I said ya can't cook is fire there reply well peanut butter and jelly and ham and cheese or salad it doesn't require stove. So I guess super Dama will be having amazing dinner lol xoxoxo wish I could post pictures.

I been ask be friends how do you do it. My answer my kids are my purpose now I know why God bless me with them. I needed them more than they needed me.

Well let's see how today exchange go let's see if W is nice today it is my birthday weekend. Keeping fingers cross.

Question can we post our FB or Instagram user name so we can see faces of who we are.


A day at a time....

[Vanilla]

Marina

The love of your children shines through, you are generous and loving.

Know you are in my prayers and I include you in my votive every day.

Celebrate your birthday as many times as you want, every day for a month with lots of little things. Ice cream, cake, a fun dvd, a trip to the park.

I know you have a real tough week ahead. I am here to listen.

V