Picking up Her MESS #2

[marina7]

Journaling,
So as I expected W tells her lawyer that while I had S9 over, I spoke negative about her when in reality I never mention her and the only time my d9 said a prayer in table and said "God protect mommy always" which I find no harm, I know W said this because my lawyer ask how did it go I explained that W didn't get out and kids waived hi and W didn't acknowledge them how am I suppose to feel when s8 and d9 goes over this weekend after 3 month's of W no contact and while picking up and dropping off W couldn't even say Hi is pathetic how W is hating so much. There's days I feel that W wish we where dead.

And let's now add W accusing of identity theft. Wtf did she really try to say that. W try to say to do a report officer ask how could I have gotten her information W told officer I was a old friend... again WTF I give up I explained to officer it made more sense I explained it was a joint account W took all the money and also wants me to pay for CC. Omg how can a women who once loved me and trusted me now am her worse enemy I hope W knows I could never do that to her I will never do that. What I give for W to see am not a monster.

Here we go W has now accused me of several things..

[Vanilla]

That's on par for the course I am afraid.

WW wants to be you, that's how it is. She projects herself on to you, she wants you to be athe fAult because she is.

She knows this isn't true, it's manipulation on her part. Projecting her faults on you. When she says you are awful, selfish, a liar etc etc they are actually saying the opposite. You have the traits WW wants and can't have. So the worse she calls you then it's grist to the mill.

Stay strong

V

[J5K]

Marina,

Trying to analyze her thoughts and interactions with the kids does not help anyone. She has now decided to change the dynamic of her R with all of you. The best you can do is take action and be supportive of the children. They really do catch on quick and with time they will make their own assessment of WAW.

Yes it hurts. I never thought a woman could leave their children but their selfishness is their number one priority.

Cleanse the sadness from your life and the kids so that you can be a stronger family.

Also, be mindful of how much you communicate and utilize a lawyer, the money goes fast. The sooner you can create a new normal for you and the kids and live without her the less impact the outside world will have on your emotional and financial well being.

(((Marina)))

[marina7]

Vanilla,
Once again Thank you, interesting you say W trying to be like me my bf said the same thing which at first I didn't see it but now I see it, when W and I met I was more of the man in the relationship I still look like a women but like to do more guy things but W had a rough side but I thought it was the military in her. Now I see the role reversal with the OW.. ewwwww yuk... I have to admit is exhausting dealing with W with W lies and involving the police. Smh and dragging my name to the ground while I been quiet. If anyone can see from the outside they will see W left and left me 3 kids and then around August took 1 child separating subilings and taking all our savings leaving me with nothing. But W feels she is still the victim..

[marina7]

J5K,
I understand what your saying to try to ignore her which I have done the last 4 months and W was quiet and left me alone if I do what she says which is I move on with my life with d9 and s8 and W lives her life with my s9, she is nuts if she thought I was going forget about my son. So now W tell officers I did identity theft with joint cc when we open in 2010. I was advice to get a restraining order on her due to harassment W has accused me of pretty serious accusations which I feel W is dragging my name to the ground. I know W sounds crazy telling officer I was a friend when he ask how did I get her information when I explained to him he said your side sounds more true she didn't give him our background. My concern is W will try to get me lock up which going back this is why when I am outI have someone with me at all time and drop off and pick up I also have someone. GOD knows if W would have just left us alone I would have never contact her but I won't forget about my s9 I will not let her scare me with her threats. I am physically exhausted I don't sleep is always something am just not sure whats next with W. I thought 2018 was going be a new beginning for kids and me but I guess this road is still going.

Yes Jim I never thought how could a mom just leave kids and then be evil to them I just don't get it. I remember my kids crying beging her to stay holding her while W was getting her cloths W shoved D9 like nothing and was yelling at them I remember asking myself wow she is heartless. I knew I had to tell kids to stay out her way. W literally just snap. I hope one day she'll see the damage she has done and caused our kids to have breakdowns and insecurity to the point where in therapy s8 hates himself. This is why my heart is broken I can't take there pain away.

A day at a time

[Vanilla]

Lovely lady, sadly you won't take away the damaged caused by WW, you can though counter balance it.

Children need one quality parent, stable loving and setting boundaries.

WW has lost her moral compass and it's with great sadness that I tell you that her behaviour has tinges ofor antisocial abuse. The G had that too.

The very very best you can do is be NC and deal only with admin on her behalf.

Sweet lady, please know this using of the courts and the law is a very terrible way of triangulating. This is my sitch too and it is very hard on you and exceedingly stressful. And I didn't have children.

Regretfully with a WS like this you will find it tough to 'win'. They do this all their lives and get better at it. Your main hope is that WW will get bored with it. I do hope so.

You are in my thoughts today.

V

[marina7]

Vanilla,
Once again Thank you,I am so grateful for this forum as God knows I am going crazy I honestly don't think we could make this up, as I told my therapist I might sound like a crazy ExW but only God knows this is all true and even more as I myself don't understand what has happen.

Can I ask what do you mean when you say.
"please know this using of the courts and the law is a very terrible way of triangulating"

I honestly accepted that W left me what I realize on my own before finding the forum that when I left W alone, me and kids where mentally ok but when W took s9 out of the blue saying let her live her life and I live mines with d9 and s8 I still gave her time to bring him back I honestly thought she was going to bring him back when I sent an email requesting his return. W didn't she replied with a letter to sign my rights over this is when I knew I had to hire a lawyer unfortunately due to her not even letting him come or call me and basically keeping him away from US.

I pray that the court system will see that W abandon her FAMILY then been verbally abusive with us and then took s9 and seperating sibilings. 3 kids that already are adopted the last 2 had a bad childhood when born that God I got them at a young age but they still remember there biological mom/dad abandon them and now W did the same thing and verbally telling them shr never wanted them. All I can do is show the court system that I just want was best for all 3 kids and if W doesn't ever want to see them I know is mentally better for them.

A day at a time

[Vanilla]

Triangulating is when a third party is used to create a reaction.

For instance your WW may play OW against you. Two children against the third.

For instance she may say to OW, Marina was an ideal W because she gave me steak every day. So OW then is set off to feed steak.

When the courts are used, then the courts or the police are used instead to triangulate. WW should have been cautioned for lying.

Try googling 'hanging on my finger nails'.

There are examples on the abuse thread, try Ancaire sitch where the police were used as a third party.


Abuse thread Zelda and Vanilla

V

[Vanilla]

You are not crazy. I Internet guarantee it.

We all question our sanity when these unreasonable things happen. When we are treated to smoke and mirrors. Is it real? It seems surreal.

Sadly as you awake from spell break and the longer from contact plus the more you see, the more astonishing the behaviour. And the more doubtful you may be.

It is going to be ok.

V

[marina7]

Journaling,
Vanilla again Thank you for being my life line after almost 10 months am still here and I know at one point I wanted to save my marriage now am saving kids and myself.

W was my first true love and my soulmate but W also has her demons that will never go away as my therapist said W could fall again in couple of years again and is that fair for you amd kids. Therapist is right I can't see myself and my kids going through this again.

W is still angry won't make eye contact won't hug kids gives them a half way hug. So this weekend is W week with S8 and D9 until the trial, typical kids they want to pack snacks which I allowed when kids get out D9 was shaky I told d9 use the tools you been giving in therapy when W makes you sad or angry D9 didn't want to let go. I gave s9 a hug which W didn't let him get out of car but I open door and hug him.
Kids took snack bag which I didn't say No I let them pack snack for themselves and brother. W grabs bag and says I don't need F**king food I have food for them I look at W and said is not a big deal is just snacks they pack and got in car and drove away. I honestly would have thought W woild have been stoke to see kids after 3 months but you could tell it was obligated her attitude suck towards kids SMH. I try to stay away from her I have my best friend or a friend with me just in case she tries to accuse me of something. I am basically staying out her way. I know we have to co parent I know we will forever be connected if W stays in kids life I at one point loved and respected W that's all gone because she is no longer a W or a mother now she is a stranger I have to protect myself and kids from because W is willing to hurt any of us.

Vanilla her lying has gotten worse and W has accused me of some serious things to people but like they say everything comes out. W has lied to her own lawyer telling her S9 is biologically her son and d9 and s8 was my biologically my kids but my lawyer clarified that to her lawyer I have all original adoption paperwork they all adopted. That's another lie and latest saying I open CC in her name and officer ask how I got her identity information W claims I was a ex roommate... Wow we have 3 cc joint which we open in 2011 and we both in account and we where together from 2007 till 2017 so not sure how she thinks that way when I have over 10 cc my credit cards W was a authorized user and she rack them up and when I try to call they told me am still responsible even if W was using but again a little to late before I seen what W was doing I had heard worse cases but W took 20,000 savings and cc rack up and I could do anything bit take to civil court but it would have cost me more paying lawyers so I suck it up and said lesson learn. W uses the police dept for everything W feels untitled due to military back ground and her education she always feels she is better than everyone which is sad. But I will keep protecting my kids and myself.

A day at a time