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A Message from Michele
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#2773366 - 01/01/18 11:43 AM Wife gave up on marriage and is now cheating.
Coping Offline
New Member

Registered: 01/01/18
Posts: 10

I’ve been scouring this and other websites in the hopes of finding a solution to my problem..

Married for 9.5 years, dated for 2 previous to that. We have two beautiful daughters, 8 and 6, and her son from a previous relationship. I found out on 12/20 that she’s been cheating on me for about a month with a coworker, and when I confronted her with it she told me she didn’t want to stop seeing him, that he makes her feel like she’s never felt before. She also tells me that she doesn’t love me anymore and stopped loving me about two years ago. Before the affair started, she said she had already spoken to a lawyer about divorce. Completely floored me, and I’ve been a wreck ever since.

Since then I’ve tried every way I could think of to convince her to stop the affair so we could fix our marriage, but she doesn’t trust that I’ll change and doesn’t want to invest the time and emotion to only be let down again.

I always thought we had a good relationship, with the typical ups and downs of any marriage. After the girls were born, we had less time to spend with each other, but my love for her never faded. Her issues with me were I was a bully when we argued (never physical, just an aggressive debater who always wanted to “win” the argument), that I never wanted to go anywhere with just her, and after the pregnancies I wasn’t interested in sex. She addressed these issues with me quite a few times over the years, and I would make the changes for a while but almost always fell back into my old ways. I was always affectionate with her and made sure she knew I loved her every day, but she wanted more. I don’t mean to paint her as a bad person, because I certainly accept responsibility for the marriage being damaged. But I never knew it was divorce-level bad and feel like if she had told me of her plans, I would have done everything in my power to fix the marriage and make her happy again. But now, there’s an affair to contend with and she is sure that whatever I do she wouldn’t change her mind anyway.

I’ve already notified the OMS via email, not sure if she received it yet.

Please help!!
D8, D6
BD:12-20-17 (PA discovered, wife already planning divorce)
W filed:01/06/18

#2773737 - 01/04/18 03:14 AM Re: Wife gave up on marriage and is now cheating. [Re: Coping]
Cadet Offline


Registered: 11/24/09
Posts: 11848
Loc: NY
You might get more responses and faster moderation on Newcomers.

Please repeat the above post there.
Me-64, D31,S30


Moderator:  Virginia 

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