Petri - yeah, there are so many overlapping elements in the sitch's here that it's incredible to see how predictable the pattern of behavior is. There are always nuances and differences, but the overall themes are very aligned. I definitely didn't suck as a father before, but now I have upped my game and I am looking forward to 2018 where I can be even more engaged with my kids.
Subitai - the physical separation is a HUGE factor for the LBS. It was jarring for a little bit in the beginning, but I was able to relax and breathe within a week. Having your own personal space with your W not being in your face and space is so important for GAL, detachment, and just having the ability to think things through and rediscover yourself. I'll catch up on your sitch. The physical separation will really help you to become cool and collected as well - so, look forward to it. Just takes a bit of time and conscious effort to focus on yourself and you will be on your way.
Just got some awesome very spicy takeout (my fav specialty).. too darn cold to go outside for NYE and so gonna curl up with the food as soon as it arrives and watch some stuff from Netflix, and sip on some nice cab sauv.
Tomorrow is a new day and a new year and so looking forward to it. I got this and so do you!
Maika, sorry to hear your wife isn't improving and isn't prioritizing the kids. I feel so bad for them, but at least they have you as their father. Best wishes in 2018!
Hi Maika, I hope you had a happy new year. I just wanted to say that I am impressed by your general attitude and the significant progress you have made since BD. You really have moved solidly forward, and so kudos to you.
I'm sorry that your W isn't parenting that well at the moment. All we can do is control what we get to control and keep moving forward - but I know you know that already..
Take care and Happy New Year to you xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thank you Nicole, Sotto, and J for the wishes. Hope you've all had a good start to the New Year and keeping the DB commitment going.
I got a lot of stuff done today and it has been quite productive. Listening to some awesome podcasts while being busy and just putting plans and goals into action.
I feel like my sitch is pretty uneventful at this point with the same status for the last many weeks - NC/Dark; whenever I have contact with W, I keep it pleasant and short; working on all my goals and being more involved with the kids.
Where I am at, I technically can't get a D until June of this year, but my astute lawyer friend pointed out that I can file after six months of S because it takes about six months for the file to reach the court. So, really I could file for D right now if I wanted to.
Couple of my friends have told me that I should just do it and cut the bait and run. They know that I don't want a divorce and all of that, but they feel a bit confused by it. One of my close female friends told me that from the sitch's of some people she knows, as soon as the S happens, the male LBS goes out and starts dating and sleeping around. She's kinda surprised I didn't do that and was pretty supportive of my approach.
Right now I am in a bit of a weird head space. I am trying to figure out why I don't want a D - aside from the fact that keeping the family unit together would be good for kids. I am having a hard time coming up with good reasons why I'd want to work on this marriage. I am not exhausted or living in limbo or wanting to give up, but I need more clarity on what I am fighting for.
I told my friends that I don't want a D just so that I can go out and date, and it would be all good cuz technically I have the D. I want to D because I am at a point where I have no interest in recon and I am okay moving on with my life, and not filing for D as a tactic.
I am in this place where nothing is pulling me towards W any more and having a desire to work on the MR. I have left her to her devices and not pursued and she hasn't peeped about the R for months now. I don't know if she has an OM or not, but I don't care at this point. I truly believe that I don't know her any more and she's really at the same level as an acquaintance.
I am not rushing out to file for D any time soon, but I am warming up to the idea. I used to care about the fact that if I filed for D, she would think that she was right in doing the separation and that I didn't want to be with her and I just didn't know it back then. But, I don't care about that as much anymore. She can think whatever she wants.
So my timeline was June for my goals and I am well along the way for that. I won't make a decision about what's next until then, but I feel that I will know by then what I really want.
Also btw, this woman has lately been kinda flirting with me where I get my coffee sometimes and I've been social with her without being flirty. Just being nice and having conversation. I almost wanted to ask her out for a drink today, but I didn't. My sex drive is pretty high and my only motivation to spend time with another woman would be for that right now - I know that's kinda adding fuel to the fire right now and I am not actually ready for it. I have nothing to offer in terms of a relationship right now and so that would be unfair to any woman if I went on a date. Let's see what the next six months have in store.
I feel like my sitch is pretty uneventful at this point with the same status for the last many weeks - NC/Dark; whenever I have contact with W, I keep it pleasant and short; working on all my goals and being more involved with the kids.
Yup, same here. What are the goals you are working on?
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Right now I am in a bit of a weird head space. I am trying to figure out why I don't want a D - aside from the fact that keeping the family unit together would be good for kids. I am having a hard time coming up with good reasons why I'd want to work on this marriage. I am not exhausted or living in limbo or wanting to give up, but I need more clarity on what I am fighting for.
It is definitely a weird place to be in and I wonder the same things. If you get the answer let me know because I have been struggling with this one.
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I am in this place where nothing is pulling me towards W any more and having a desire to work on the MR. I have left her to her devices and not pursued and she hasn't peeped about the R for months now. I don't know if she has an OM or not, but I don't care at this point. I truly believe that I don't know her any more and she's really at the same level as an acquaintance.
Over time I have felt the distance creep in as well. At times I really find it hard to believe that this MR could ever be reconciled. I have no idea what she does in her spare time, what she is thinking and since my communication with her is no more than 5 min or so per weak I don't see how we could ever move forward.
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So my timeline was June for my goals and I am well along the way for that. I won't make a decision about what's next until then, but I feel that I will know by then what I really want.
I pray that you will get the clarity you need. I have been praying for this as well. Maybe I have been getting the signs though and have just been ignoring them.
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Also btw, this woman has lately been kinda flirting with me where I get my coffee sometimes and I've been social with her without being flirty. Just being nice and having conversation. I almost wanted to ask her out for a drink today, but I didn't.
Good for you, getting noticed is something that I have not experienced for a couple of months now. Even if you don't act on anything just having conversation can be a rewarding experience.
