Awwee Coly - Thank you for your kindness. My journey has been brighter because of your support.
I think we had an opposite thing with dishes. Pre BD they weren't my responsibility and would often pile up. I have a lot of house pride though and even though I'm nowhere near a neat-freak I do like having a tidy kitchen at the end of the day which S23 will often mess up in the middle of the night. One of the advantages of being an adult though is that when I have a truly bad day I can let some things slide. They do have to be done eventually and usually by me.
OwnIt - Thanks for stopping by. I am making some new traditions this year. A "real tree" which has worked out rather well, pork pies and sherry for Christmas eve, roast duck for Christmas dinner. I'll be connecting the TV to my Skype call on Christmas morning with D25 and her H so it will be more like they are right here. At HOME.
Job - I think you have more confidence in my cooking than I do I figure if I baste the duck, the cook, and S23 all with enough brandy that it will be fine
As you well know there is an annoying underlying stress waiting for this last step to be done. Given everything else and the fact that she and her guy are still seeing each other I can't imagine that the divorce won't happen. As you know I tend to over-think pretty much everything and I also feel emotions quite strongly. The legal process seems to be hung up and delayed pretty much only by holidays / vacations etc. Will I be served before New Years? No clue. If I don't see anything by about 3-Jan I'll send a query to my lawyer. It was part of the agreement that she would file within 20 days of signing the settlement and her lawyer had reached out looking for the original of the marriage certificate to do the paperwork. I think that in many ways that this process is out of both of our hands and it would require a real effort of will to stop it. On my side, I won't stop it both because it is what I believe she wants even though she never, even when specifically asked in the last lawyer meeting has said that and also because I know that for me, that it's the right thing to happen.
I'm glad that I don't have any big events planned. S23 will be out with friends on New Year's eve, there may be a lunch at my youngest brother's farm and so I will have time to be quiet and to grieve.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Yes, I have a lot of faith in your cooking! Can't wait to hear how your dinner turned out!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
A special Merry Christmas to you Andrew!! I was soooo happy to read that your son will make his homemade bread for you guys!!! That is one of the thing you cherish. ENJOY EVERY BITE!!!
Hi Andrew, Enjoy the Christmas feast. Grieve when it's time. It's necessary and there is much peace on the other side of it! I promise! Merry Christmas!! xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Well job - your optimism about my cooking was overly optimistic.
The duck for Christmas dinner turned out to be fairly dry and tough. I think that was because I left it in the oven too long due to some scheduling mixups. Opinions would be appreciated. It was a 4 lb duck that I cooked for 2 hours basting with sherry every 30 minutes. I maybe pierced the skin too much as well allowing all the fat to drain off. I have a second duck that I will do another time and it would be nice for it to be nice and moist. I'd originally planned on dinner at around 6:00 but S23 mis-remembered how long it took to make bread in his bread machine and so we ate around 7:00. I also started the duck earlier than I should have. The bread also didn't rise as nicely as it usually does - perhaps his yeast has gone off. So not a perfect meal, but pretty darned good for two bachelors if I do say so myself and we did enjoy it.
We filled up on duck, dressing, potatoes, veg and fresh bread though and so the apple pie that I made didn't get eaten then. I'd also over-estimated the number of apples to use and so the pie is huge and mounded and the piece I just had for my lunch was nice and tasty. The apples still have a bit of a crunch to them - just the way I like it.
Christmas eve S23 and I shared a new tradition - sort of - of having pork pies and sherry (instead of milk and cookies). He didn't want any sherry and handed around the pork pies at the end of Christmas eve dinner. I'd intended them for before bed. It was all good and the pies were quite tasty with mustard. I didn't bother to say anything about the timing mix-up.
Christmas morning was good. We opened presents with D25 and her H remotely via Skype. I used my Chromecast to project them on to the TV which made for a pleasant experience. Many thoughtful gifts were exchanged (I got 2 books by Adm Stavridis, 2 new bow ties (one from "Santa"), and a tin of fresh baked cookies). When I was out of the room to take the kettle off the stove for my tea I did overhear S23 mention that he was seeing his mother the next day (today). I asked him if he was going to be "out" the next day over dinner and yes he was. S23 also put a fresh copy of the Farmer's Almanac into my stocking for me which used to be the traditional thing his mother did. I thanked him. He meant well. D25 posted some pictures of her presents on Facebook later and I didn't seen any from her mother. They were over a month late in arriving last year. S23 mentioned that what he had sent down was also going to be late. He is in may ways very like his mother which can be difficult at times for me.
The duck bones are currently bubbling away for stock and smell wonderful and there was still lots of meat left to make stew. S23 just left, apparently empty-handed and presumably to spend a bit of time with his mother. Yet again, she parked a block or so away and he had to walk over to her. I went back to my Christmas post last year and recall my hope that she would come in the door then which never happened then either. I actually don't want to see her so this is fine but awkward.
I partly expect S23 to come home with the divorce paperwork as I am supposed to be "served" by December 20th but hadn't seen anything yet. That would be a crappy thing to make him do, but given that she won't even come in to the driveway to pick him up, I can't see her doing it in person.
We have a couple of feet of snow on the ground and my snow-blower has been busy. Yesterday I noticed my neighbour out shoveling - the store next door usually cleans his drive for him and so did his drive as well. We had a laugh because he told me that he had been intending to take it slow and that he had told his family to watch to see "how it's done" which was funny because "how it's done" appeared to be the neighbour coming over unasked and doing the bulk of it. I also did the sidewalk for the block I live on while I was out. Boys and their toys ....
So - I hope everyone had as Merry of a Christmas as the could given the circumstances that most of us face. Soon it will be a new year and time for fresh Songs and Stories.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Even if the duck was a bit dry and tough, it sounds like you and your son enjoyed your dinner and that's what really counts!
I see a new tradition in your posting and I think it's wonderful that a new one has started. It's very different and I'm sure the pork pies were delicious.
New bow ties? What color? I'm sure you'll look smashing in them.
I do hope that the rest of the holiday season will be pleasant for you and your son.
Enjoy the stew!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks job. There is a pink tie with a "shattered glass" pattern on it as my "new life" tie from "Santa" and a white one with Don Quixote and a windmill on it that came from S23.
I didn't have any pink ties in my collection and so it will be versatile for Cancer awareness month as well as that was the official colour of tie for my University faculty many many moons ago. The shattered glass pattern is to symbolize that I have been been hurt but am now moving forward and to remind myself that I am strong and can survive tragedy.
I expect that S23 understands the significance and meaning of Don Quixote to me. It was very thoughtful of him. I just got an updated location on him. He's off with his mother visiting his grandparents that he hasn't seen in perhaps 4 years. It's snowing fairly heavily so it would have been a tough drive especially over the mountain. His mother is a very good driver though (S23 doesn't drive). No clue if her guy is there with them or not - none of my business.
The stew is bubbling away right now but I've gorged myself on the contents of my Christmas stocking so that might be tomorrow's supper plus left-overs for the freezer.
Merry Christmas my friend.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
The description of the pink tie sounds beautiful and it sure does symbolize what you've been through the last few years. As for Don Quixote...your son understands more than you think.
Glad to hear he is with his mother and is going to visit his grandparents. It will be a nice visit for all of them. I hope that they travel safely to where they need to go.
I'm sure you'll have plenty of stew left for tomorrow! LOL!
Enjoy the quiet evening w/your fur babies.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well - it's been quite the year. One more day left.
Feeling my mortality a bit today. In addition to one of my neighbours dying suddenly a week or so ago, so did the husband of one of my colleagues. In both cases the men were I believe about my age or a bit younger. Add on to that that a couple of days ago my youngest brother fell from a ladder while painting and seriously broke his arm in multiple places. He said that there were bone fragments jammed into the joint and that he will probably never get full use of the arm back. His biggest concern is that it will hurt his ability to play with his 1-year old little boy who won't understand why Dad can't roll around on the floor with him playing. I assured him that he'll figure something out and that if they needed any help with anything that S23 and I are here. He goes in for reconstructive surgery today. It was supposed to be yesterday but after looking at the arm yesterday afternoon the surgeon said that there weren't enough hours left to do the job. For those who are of the praying sort, a quick thought for healing for my brother would be appreciated. He has a very good support network around him including my oldest brother and many cousins who will be sure that his wood pile and snow clearing are taken care of. My nephew is a little cutie and I believe that quiet tussles are happening about who will get to help out with child-care. My name is certainly in the hat.
S23 and I were supposed to spend some time with my brothers and their families yesterday but given the fact that one is out of commission I popped up to see my oldest brother and his wife. S23 was still sleeping (he keeps weird hours) when I left so I left a note. I had a nice visit with them plus his 87 year old father in law, the FIL's girlfriend and my SIL's sister who was in from the West who went through a bad divorce a couple of years ago. It was interesting comparing the dynamic in that family with what I'm used to with STBX's family. With them, there was a lot of snark, arguments and open disrespect, especially of my x-FIL. Here, there was laughter, intelligent conversations and obvious love between everyone. It was refreshing.
When I left I joked to my SIL's sister that we perhaps shouldn't wait another 28 years before we saw each other, she surprised me with a big hug and agreed that we should keep in touch. Don't know if that will happen but she's part of the extended family that I'm grateful to be reconnecting with since BD. I believe she flys back to Calgary in a week or so and I doubt our paths will cross before then.
When I got home S23 wasn't here having left at about 4:30 and the GPS showed him at his mother's apartment. He was there until late so I presume they had their Christmas. He was quite restless all night and I heard him wandering around the house a lot. After I posted on Boxing Day, I did notice that he did have a short stop at OM's house in the evening for about 15 minutes. If the introductions hadn't been made previously, they have now. I feel surprisingly ambivalent about it. I suppose that's part of what Cadet means about the "gift of time". No clue if he was part of last night's visit or not. None of my business. All the participants are adults and I'm not directly involved.
I still haven't been served the divorce papers even though there was a deadline of December 20th for that to be done. I double-checked with the local family court and they have no record of an action being started. So I sent a polite query to my lawyer yesterday morning asking for advice and suggesting that they reach out to their opposite number for information. I figure it's best that I don't meddle too much. I'd been hoping for this to all be done before the end of the year but that's not going to happen. I did mention to my lawyer that I was understanding that at this time of year that things can be delayed due to holidays etc. Given the personality of my STBX I'm not hugely surprised that things aren't in place for the divorce, the final nail in the door between us. She's not hugely organized and has always been avoidant of any difficult or unpleasant task usually leaving them to me. In this case because it is part of a legal contract that she file, she can't avoid it. I can't imagine any scenario at this point where she will refuse to but I have been wrong a whole lot of times about her in the past few years.
On another site where I participate we were asked to identify something that we learned about ourselves in 2017. Well, in my case I learned that I'm going to be OK. And that I don't "need" to have someone in my life as a partner even though I feel that may well happen in due course. Of all the things that have happened / could have happened to me this past year, that's something that I'm proud of.
Time to get my Saturday errands underway. There's a light snow falling and the winds might pick up later blowing it around. The freezer is getting eaten down so a trip to the butcher shop is on the agenda along with the usual other errands. Duck stew on the menu for dinner. New Years is planned to be a nice quiet evening at home with the cats, perhaps messaging back and forth with a few select friends while watching the ball drop on a fresh New Year.
Have a fabulous day everyone and thanks for being here for me. I appreciate this place and you people immensely.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
My condolences are being sent your way on the deaths of your neighbor, as well as the husband of your colleague. It seems like there are so many people passing away at this time of year and they are getting younger and younger. I can't help but wonder if it is the fast pace we live, the stress and the preservatives in our food that is creating this situation.
I am so sorry to read about your brother. I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers. It's good that they are doing the reconstructive surgery today. He'll probably will have pins and a cast for quite some time. He needs to stay positive because that will help him heal and who knows...he may regain almost if not all of the use back. Time will tell. Physical therapy does work wonders and, of course, actually listening to your surgeon.
Sorry to hear that the papers haven't been completed...but I am not surprised. You may not see them for a while and the excuse will be, too busy in the office to complete and file them or she was too busy and didn't have time to go by there and do whatever she needed to do because of the holidays. I hope that this can be pinned down soon for you as I know you would like to check this off your list and be able to move forward.
Enjoy your day and Happy New Year a few days early!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I figure if I baste the duck, the cook, and S23 all with enough brandy that it will be fine 
