Then you keep your head held high and move through the process with class, dignity and self-respect. It's not over until the paperwork is final and even then it is just a piece of paper. It could take months or more and feelings can change.
Have the conversation if you wish however when I get served I will not waiver, her choice, her decision. I will only show her a strong, confident man!
Then you keep your head held high and move through the process with class, dignity and self-respect. It's not over until the paperwork is final and even then it is just a piece of paper. It could take months or more and feelings can change.
I agree with J here.
This is all on her timetable now unless you wish to speed things up with the divorce.
Originally Posted By: Joe2017
I have nothing to lose by having this discussion with her.
you will probably disagree with me here, but I dont agree with this statement one bit. I believe when it comes down to it, women want their man to be a self sufficient man, and most men are, but at some point we become wayward and lose ourselves in the relationship to an extent. By trying to include her in your decision making, you are still showing pursuit and looking for her validation. you will not show her you changed and she will not want to change for you, because of words or a discussion. They want to and need to see action for better or worse.
Put yourself in her shoes, if you did all of this to her, would her wanting to have a conversation with you about coming back to her make you want to come back? You would only do these things to someone if you had no respect for them, so why would you want to listen to someone you lost respect for?
If you just met this person a week ago and was dating her, would you let her treat you this way? I would hope not. granted you didnt meet her a week ago, but you have to realize she is not the person you married anymore, and she may not ever be that person again. I am dealing with this same issue, that when i think about my spouse i remember who i met when we got married, not who she is acting like now. I am almost over this thought and realize the person she is now is not the person i married and she may never be that person again. Remember action speak louder than words.
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
It is still so early on in our situation. I have done all the things I can do to show that I am taking this D seriously. Split finances, split phone service, hired attorney, etc.
I haven't responded to a single text message or phone call in weeks. I am in control of our communication at this point. It has not stopped her from texting me about random things, even though I don't respond.
It is really boggling to me. If she doesn't want me in her life, she should stop contacting me.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
Joe....it took me about 1.5 months before I felt like a person and could reasonabley function. I cried every day, called my mom every morning and night to and from work. Took two weeks of vacation and couldn't even talk to anyone about the sitch and not break down crying. Say this to also say I never showed this in front of her. I never begged or pleaded but the three weeks after BD and she moved out I did ask her a ton of questions that really in the end only pissed her off and made her want to get further away.
Our finances are split as well and she pays her own phone bill. The only thing I have not done is hire an attorney. I never initiate contact with my W and really only respond about kids or money but in the past few weeks I have loosen up with that some because now she is more engaging with me and joking around. I still keep it light though and never initiate heavy conversation.
You just have to give it time. It's kind of like a mexican stand off. I once read from an old vet that the people who try the hardest to save their MR never succeed and those that don't try have the most success. You have to let go and not read into those messages. Early on my W would text me pictures of her and the girls. I never figured out why and I racked my brain thinking it was a sign. They eventually stopped and I can only assume she was going through the same adjustment period. It is not easy on her as well and while she may never show it to you just know she is struggling as well.
It does get better with time and distance but you must show patience, restraint and get a hold of your emotions. Controlling your emotions is one sign of a confident man. It will take her a while to notice your changes and not feel that you have done it to win her back. Detaching is a process and it just doesn't occur overnight.
Okay, so what you're saying is that the fact that she constantly tries to initiate contact with me is not a form of pursuit on her end? I don't get it, really. When I don't want to talk to people anymore, I simply do not contact them about anything. At all.
However, she is not doing this. I am not even physically there to make her think about me. But she is stalking my FB and texting me comments about my posts.
So these are not signs? Just mind games? They serve no purpose... I'm obviously not responding, and I have been very consistent with that. Yet she persists.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
She is just playing games because you have went NC and are not responding to you. It is having an effect but that doesn't mean she wants to recon. Read through Chris 19's sitch, his W has OM and she is doing the same thing. Every time he takes the bait and reaches out to her she has confirmation he is still available and continues on playing her high school games.
Sounds like she rushed into the D proceedings and maybe she is not totally convined either. Who knows. Just keep doing what your doing and only time will tell if she continues down the D path or pulls the paperwork.
Just prepare yourself for the next time you see her face to face and I wouldn't be surprised if she starts asking you a ton of questions. IMO that will be your next test. At this point in time it's a little bit of gamesmanship. Are you good at poker? Never show your hand. Also remember you have the DB playbook and she does not. She expects you to be pining away for her love and your not doing that. It is getting a reaction.
She did rush into this. She is basically treating this like breaking up with a boyfriend. She is expecting things to be easy and smooth.
Me hiring an attorney shocked her. Documenting things in email shocked her. Me getting served papers was unreal to her.
I am not sure what is going on with her at this point. I have not cared to check on her whereabouts, her comings or goings, or her social media. I have done a good job of detaching. She has made comments indicating that she believes I have been following her on SM but she is way off base. She is just baiting me to respond.
She really is trying to make contact. She will forward an email she sent from the day before just to send me something. She sends a text asking me if I did something that she knows I did.
She is trying to make contact... I just don't know the reason.
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
She is making contact because she wants to be assured you are available as plan B. By the way you flip flop all over the place I am guessing your ok with being plan B.
If I am wrong you make it clear to her that you ain’t nobody’s fuching plan B.
@Joe I had a similar type of response from my W in my sitch.
When she told me I had to remove her off the rental lease she responded surprised when I replied in a business like manner with all terms & conditions.
When collecting her belongings I also had to spec out what she could and couldn't take. She then replied with "you never contact be e-mail!".
It's almost as if the gravity of what she has done hasn't sunk in. Many of these WAW situations are done on impulse, also without thinking through the consequences on wider social circles and family.
No doubt you are going through the same!
Truthbuster.
Married 4.5, Together 6 M: 36, W: 33, no kids Separation date: 7/8/2017 Bomb dropped: 8/18/2017 Last communication: 1/8/2018 - now nothing OM confirmed - now ended (?)
Echoing what others are telling you, she's taking your temperature, but at this point has no interest in reconciliation.
You are as much in control of the divorce timeline as she, but only she can decide she's ready for reconciliation. Don't have the conversation with her. Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint. It [censored], but you've got to be patient.
M:23 T:26 Me:53, Wife: 60 S:18 D:16 filed 7/16 W moved out 4/28/17
