sandi2, I really took my time digesting your thoughts and comments and realize you are correct in that the time is coming for me to make an uncomfortable decision. I have been feeling very low the past few days as the realization of this has become more tangible.
I am not going to lie to myself. I am scared. I still love my W and I am trying to table those feelings as to not cloud what I need to do. Even after 9 months I am feeling the struggle to let go. I need to work on that and I will work on that.
Are you scared she won't choose you? Here's the problem. Why should she choose you when she is able disrespect you by cheating on you and you just put up with it?
A woman wants a man that she knows will stick up for her and protect her. How are you going to provide that for her when you can't even stick up for yourself?
Look man I know it sounds harsh but those are the facts. It's time to put an end to this one way or another!
LH19, I am not scared of her not choosing me. She already has not chosen me. I am coming to grips with that. I guess what I am scared of is my letting go of my feelings. To me there is something more finite in that. I realize it is what I need to do.
Pew....LH and Sandi are correct, it is an unfortuante situation but the reality of the matter is that you MR with your W is over. I have spent a tone of time, I mean hours on this site reading through sitch's, advice, wisdom, gudiance, etc. and the one thing that stood out to me was that you have to be willing to lose it all before it will ever come back. When my W came to me and told me she wanted to get an apartment and her timeline was 3 months to move out. I told her that wouldn't work for me and I essentially needed her to move out ASAP. Within 3 weeks of BD she was gone. IMO the longer you interact with someone who wants out, the longer your living together, etc. it delays the healing and potential recon process.
I still have my moments but the good days certinly outweigh the bad. Tomorrow will be 7 months and I am still standing!
I am not going to lie to myself. I am scared. I still love my W and I am trying to table those feelings as to not cloud what I need to do. Even after 9 months I am feeling the struggle to let go. I need to work on that and I will work on that.
Pew,
I was scared when I told my wife it was time for her to leave. I was afraid of the impact it would have on my sons and I was afraid of all of the future unknowns. Taking action actually allowed me to step-up my game and move forward with confidence. Prior to telling my wife to leave, she was in the driver's seat. After asking her to leave, I did most of the driving and everything turned out very well. My fears didn't have any foundation, but it was hard to throttle the imaginary scenarios of what the future may hold.
There's a good quote, but I don't know who to attribute it to, "fear is the mind killer." When you're gripped by fear, it's hard to make good decisions. Live in the moment (GAL) and don't ruminate all of the potential futures. Do what you need to do in the present and let the future take care of itself.
Joseph9, thanks for your comments. I have followed your stitch from the beginning. I haven't commented because I knew I was failing at DBing myself. You have gone on an amazing personal journey. I admire the inner strength you have shown throughout. I am finally going to try and just let go. It has taken me a long time to come to this point. I realized the death grip that I had on it even though I was lying to myself that I wasn't.
It is not a healthy way to live. I have to choose myself first from this point forward.
Doodler, your right about the future scaring me. I need to live in the present and not worry about what will happen. The fear has clouded my judgement for making good decisions. Although, I do not regret the past months. I have been able to change a lot in me and I have been able to show compassion towards my W even though I have felt anger for what has happened. But now is the time I need to show some love and respect for myself.
