waw maybe #2

[TBSakaJ9]

I wouldn't give up yet either, you certainly don't want to throw away a 25 yr MR in 6 months. I have always thought my W was going through some stuff as well and have faith in her that at the end of the day she will come home.

Keep the faith!

[bhappy2]

You too J9. And right now we are talking like there is nothing wrong, amazing. Just a little crazy. ugh....

[bhappy2]

Updating:

Nothing new really, W is working a lot b/c this is her busy season with the cold weather. She has been ok to be around although I have notice she is not as friendly some days. She will do things as a family and I am ok with that right now.

D18 told me she is getting a tattoo, she knew I would not like it but she wanted to tell so as not to just shock me with the news. I make a joke that she can get one when the dog gets one, W immediately states "You can't tell her what to do". I respond very calmly and say "The jokes are easier if I don't have to explain them", she then completely backs off as D18 starts laughing. It was not meant to disrespect her but I view this as her trying to disrespect me as a man.

I then say that I was thinking of getting a tattoo as well and D18 asks what I would want to get and I said a tattoo of family on my wrist. W again tries to dis me by saying thats "Girly" I said getting family is girly,? and she said no where you want it is. I said your brother has one there and my nephew too. Why do they want to argue she knows I will not take the bait.

We have a huge family party coming up and W has still not told anyone in the house the details. It's a black tie affair and its been planned for over a year. Our whole family is looking forward to this.

I still just don't understand if you want a D why do you not file? Cannot make logic out of illogical persons.

My running and workout efforts have increased tremendously and I am really feeling good. Without working out I would be a basket case. I also feel that 7 months gone by has made me realize that I can do this and its actually not that hard.

I have pre-planned everything with the attorney should she file. It will not be easy but I believe doing this will help me deal better with it.

[TBSakaJ9]

I still just don't understand if you want a D why do you not file? Cannot make logic out of illogical persons.

Who knows why......there are several different reasons I can think of. I started reading the book that LH referenced yesterday The Way of The Superior Man it talks about a Women's emotions being like ocean waves and their emotions can change from one day to the next. I reference the book because it gave me insight on how quickly (at times) those feelings/emotions can change. Saying D one day could mean something else months later.

[bhappy2]

J9, I can see this behavior from my W everyday. The only difference now is that her emational state does not effect mine. If she chooses to file I am better equipped to deal with that, only because of this site. BTW my IC knew nothing about WAW... I had to explain this to her. I also hae a degree in psychology.

I am going for a run, listen to great music, see if kids want to order out tonight... at this point I am just living my life.

[sandi2]

W immediately states "You can't tell her what to do".

Wife was out of line.

I then say that I was thinking of getting a tattoo as well and D18 asks what I would want to get and I said a tattoo of family on my wrist. W again tries to dis me by saying thats "Girly" I said getting family is girly,? and she said no where you want it is. I said your brother has one there and my nephew too. Why do they want to argue she knows I will not take the bait.

Depending on how she thought you meant getting a tattoo of family, probably set her off. To my ears, you sounded as if you were putting in a plug, and it backfired. You are actually baiting her whenever you make references about marriage or family. That's why we say to not point out good things about the M, or show old family photos, etc. She resents it and will act badly toward you. So, resist the urge.

BTW, if you ever have anyone's names or faces tattooed on your body, they need to be your children's. Spouses/lovers come and leave, but children will always be yours. I've seen a lot of guys put a woman's name on their body, only to M another one. Then every time the new woman looks at him, she sees the old woman's name forever engraved in his body....and so does he.

I still just don't understand if you want a D why do you not file? Cannot make logic out of illogical persons.

Then you've answered your own question. Why do you keep trying to understand an illogical woman?

Let me ask you something. What has she lost? She still gets to join in the family activities. You help her put on a front to others, so she won't feel embarrassed or pressed to answer uncomfortable questions. I'm just wondering what she has lost since the bomb drop.
My guess is that she hasn't lost much, b/c she is still benefiting from being M to you. She has all the comforts, can choose what she wants to partake in, and refuse any responsibility she doesn't want. Sounds like a pretty good setup.

[AnotherStander]

BTW, if you ever have anyone's names or faces tattooed on your body, they need to be your children's. Spouses/lovers come and leave, but children will always be yours. I've seen a lot of guys put a woman's name on their body, only to M another one. Then every time the new woman looks at him, she sees the old woman's name forever engraved in his body....and so does he.

^^^YES^^^ I have a lot of tatt's and know others that have a lot of them as well. Getting a BF/GF/spouse's name or image tatted on you is the kiss of death to the relationship, LOL! I've even known people that broke up BECAUSE of the tatt. And I've known too many people who's R was on the rocks and they thought a tatt of their mate would magically bring them back together. NO it NEVER works. It's much more likely to increase resentment, like how DARE you put my name on you when I don't even like you anymore. I even knew a guy that got his baby son's feet tattooed on his chest, then he found out the kid wasn't his and broke up with his GF over it! Think before you ink

[bhappy2]

^^^YES^^^ I have a lot of tatt's and know others that have a lot of them as well. Getting a BF/GF/spouse's name or image tatted on you is the kiss of death to the relationship, LOL! I've even known people that broke up BECAUSE of the tatt. And I've known too many people who's R was on the rocks and they thought a tatt of their mate would magically bring them back together. NO it NEVER works. It's much more likely to increase resentment, like how DARE you put my name on you when I don't even like you anymore. I even knew a guy that got his baby son's feet tattooed on his chest, then he found out the kid wasn't his and broke up with his GF over it! Think before you ink

Before this post goes haywire I absolutely would never get my W's or any other persons name tattoo'd on me. Even when things were good I wouldn't.

[bhappy2]

W immediately states "You can't tell her what to do".

Wife was out of line.

I agree.

I then say that I was thinking of getting a tattoo as well and D18 asks what I would want to get and I said a tattoo of family on my wrist. W again tries to dis me by saying thats "Girly" I said getting family is girly,? and she said no where you want it is. I said your brother has one there and my nephew too. Why do they want to argue she knows I will not take the bait.

Depending on how she thought you meant getting a tattoo of family, probably set her off. To my ears, you sounded as if you were putting in a plug, and it backfired. You are actually baiting her whenever you make references about marriage or family. That's why we say to not point out good things about the M, or show old family photos, etc. She resents it and will act badly toward you. So, resist the urge.

BTW, if you ever have anyone's names or faces tattooed on your body, they need to be your children's. Spouses/lovers come and leave, but children will always be yours. I've seen a lot of guys put a woman's name on their body, only to M another one. Then every time the new woman looks at him, she sees the old woman's name forever engraved in his body....and so does he.

No and never will.

I still just don't understand if you want a D why do you not file? Cannot make logic out of illogical persons.

Then you've answered your own question. Why do you keep trying to understand an illogical woman?

Yes just stating the obvious.

Let me ask you something. What has she lost? She still gets to join in the family activities. You help her put on a front to others, so she won't feel embarrassed or pressed to answer uncomfortable questions. I'm just wondering what she has lost since the bomb drop.
My guess is that she hasn't lost much, b/c she is still benefiting from being M to you. She has all the comforts, can choose what she wants to partake in, and refuse any responsibility she doesn't want. Sounds like a pretty good setup.

She has lost nothing, nada, zilch. She gained a tremendous amount of money b/c she is not contributing towards the househould expenses.She used to buy groceries but that seems to have stopped. She also stopped cooking or it has come sporadically.

So I ask you this what am I supposed to do at this point? Do I file? Stop paying for everything?

Please guide me through the process.I have been getting out of the house doing things and I am completely ready to let go. Is it time for a talk with the W?

[bhappy2]

Well you can add me to the list of just being served. I do not feel anything at the moment as W is at work. Do I tell the kids? Not sure what to do, I made an appointment witht the attorney and we are ready for the next step.

If I do not post please understand that this is not a great time, but I will eventually come back and update.