Come January 2nd IMO things need to change. Einstein said “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result “.
Right now she sees you as being weak for tolerating her BS. You need to change that starting 2018.
She came up to me again and told me that she wants to be with me and doesn’t want to lose me. I told her that I can not and will not be in an open relationship and that she needs to figure out what she wants to do. I said we both need to think about things. I then left to go food shopping. I am trying my hardest to keep my composure but I am really struggling at the moment.
All I know is Have made many mistakes in this journey but I am going to try to do what is needed and not what my heart is telling me to do. I can’t help but feel like a failure at this point. I can and will do better.
LH, I just want to say thank you four your wisdom and support even when I just couldn’t listen. I am trying to be strong this time. I am listening you your advice.
She is going to continue to play, "He's just a friend", until you finally get enough. When you get fed up, you'll see how simple it is to tell her that you have decided you don't want to be with a woman who thinks it's appropriate in a MR to have private friendships with members of the opposite sex. It does not matter what she calls the relationship, if her H doesn't like it.....that should settle it. There should be no argument or pleas. The spouse takes priority over all other relationships.
Look, you know good & well she would not stand for you having a chummy friendship with some woman. You would not get away with telling her the OW was just a friend. So, why put up with her playing you for a fool? That's what she does every time she plays oh so innocent and asks, "What's wrong", and turns around and offers to cuddle with you. You would be the biggest chump ever.....to let her think you are putty in her hand. The man that attracts a woman is the man who she can't work like putty.
Pew, I played my H for a fool. Every WW does it. But I was the fool....and so is your WW. She just won't see it until you stop letting her have the best of both worlds.
You have a good support team here on the board. Sometimes we hit hard, but it's b/c we know you have a shot at turning things around for the better, if you'll stop playing her games and waiting to see if she'll change. You just haven't been able to fully trust in yourself, yet. I hope one of your goals is to build up your self esteem, and know that you can learn skills that will attract your W back into the M.
Please stick with us, Pew. ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks sandi2, I am not accepting the he is just a friend bs. I told her she needs to be honest with me and right now I know she is telljing me lies. I will need as much support as you guys can give. Thank you all.
Just after BD, W told me she had gone on a coffee date with someone from her work. At that time I hadn't come across DB and I didn't know how to react to that. She told me like I was one of her friends.
Fast forward few months and she went to his place for a BBQ. She told me that he is only a friend and she would never ever date him or wants to be with him.
What did I do - I told her that I don't care any more. She can do whatever she wants. Also, that I am not her friend, and that only place our life intersects is being co-parents.
I didn't believe her then and I surely do not believe her now. Unless and until there is absolute remorse and wanting to work on the MR, I wouldn't believe a thing.
Maika, I have followed your stitch as with a few others. I have been very impressed with your self improvement and the handling of your children. After that temp check you gave your W you have really worked hard at sticking by your principles. You can definitely walk holding your head up high. I need to find that inner strength that you have. I am getting there.
Just before my W came downstairs where I was wrapping presents and wanted a hug. I just looked at her and said I can’t do that. I said I can’t keep living like this and she needs to make a choice. She can’t have it both ways. She shook her head and said I know and then walked away. This is so damn hard but I can feel things changing in me. I am slowly finding the courage.
I think your new attitude is awesome. Way to go. And yes, I understand not wanting to do this at Christmas but you are doing great. Feeling like a failure? I know that feeling but dust ourself off and move forward. One day at a time. Today, you are not a failure.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
