Notsure what to do...

[kml]

Then it really is a no-brainer - you cannot afford the school. Your answer that this is the reality of divorce was a good one.

For the long haul, though - you need to get your finances in better shape. What are your options for increasing your income and/or lowering your expenses? I recommend you take a look at a website called Mr Money Mustache which may give you some helpful ideas.

[rexgm]

My finances were strained when I was hit with this all at once. We usually payed all the bills with my paycheck and then used her paycheck for entertainment and savings.

So when her paycheck was no longer there and i was still paying all the bills with mine it was a shock. I also gave her the car that was completely payed off to help her since she doesnt make quite what i do. I am also looking at either refinancing the car or trading it in and getting a cheaper one, but it is currently upside down for probably the next year maybe 2. I am also looking at what I can cut back on i.e. what is a necessity or a luxury. However, I should be caught up by february and back in the black again.

For this reason the holidays are going to suck, but my relatives will understand. The only one getting a gift is my daughter.

[rexgm]

So I received a text message from my wife last night. She was filling out the forms for my D School. And she wanted to know the medical insurance policyholder and group number. She has a medical ID card, and all the information is listed there. However she is known to lose things, and it makes me wonder if she is lost this.

I don't really talk or text to her at all anymore, and I don't understand why she feels the need to ask me these types of questions, when she can ask her friends or OM.

[Verum]

So I received a text message from my wife last night. She was filling out the forms for my D School. And she wanted to know the medical insurance policyholder and group number. She has a medical ID card, and all the information is listed there. However she is known to lose things, and it makes me wonder if she is lost this.

Did you respond to her text? You could text, "the information you want is on your insurance card"

My guess is she's trying to reach out to you in a type of indirect temperature check.

[rexgm]

i replied only with my name and id number and thats it

[Maika]

haha.. that's a good response. It was fine to reply as it was business. I've given my W all kinds of info that she would need for the kids and for other things and she's scatter brained as well. So, I had gotten a few of these to which I responded exactly the way you did.

[rexgm]

Im sure this has been answered by Sandi before...

I just dont understand how they want no part of your life anymore, but as soon as something goes wrong or they need something, they dont go to the OM, they have no issue coming back and asking for help? Does going to the OM for things like this ruin the fanasy or something?

[AnotherStander]

Then it really is a no-brainer - you cannot afford the school. Your answer that this is the reality of divorce was a good one.

Yup, I agree!

For this reason the holidays are going to suck, but my relatives will understand. The only one getting a gift is my daughter.

No sir, the holidays will not suck! Holidays are not about gifts, they are about spending time with the ones you love. You'll see your relatives and your D, so it's going to be glorious! Lately I have been trying to get my relatives and my GF to quit buying me gifts, I have so much stuff as it is that I can't put it all away. The more I'm given the more clutter I have to deal with. I'd rather just spend time with them, that's all I need. We all need to quit measuring joy by how many presents we give or receive.

I just dont understand how they want no part of your life anymore, but as soon as something goes wrong or they need something, they dont go to the OM, they have no issue coming back and asking for help? Does going to the OM for things like this ruin the fanasy or something?

I think mainly because it's convenient, but it's also a way to reinforce your "doormat" status. Use OM for all the fun and romantic stuff and use you for all the utilitarian stuff.

[rexgm]

a question for the WW's

The temperate check, whether direct or indirect, is it something you are aware that your doing or is it more subconscious and then when it doesnt go as you normally think it would, you are curious as to why they are not doing it?

in other words are you trying to prove to yourself that you still have them wrapped around your finger, or is it more hey this isnt how they normally act what has changed?

[rexgm]

Just to give an update:

It has been 5 months and I was hit with divorce papers in February. Still dont have any type of agreement, and she keeps flip flopping on what she says as for custody of our child. Over the last few months, anytime i didnt agree with her on something she would use my daughter as leverage by saying she was going to ask for full custody. Mid march I just told her you do what you have to do.

You know alot of people say that when you go through this process that there will be a point where you will be hit with whether or not you want to be with your wife and reconcile if that option comes available. Well i hit that point last month and decided I dont want a reconciliation. I just want an amicable divorce. I will be very content with joint custody and should have no issue getting it in Dallas county hopefully.

As for Gal, I am usually out and about with friends during the week. I have began talking to ladies at bar's and find I have much more success in person than online. One thing I have noticed about online is there are lot of scams and catfishing, so I try to keep messaging brief and push for a meet in person very quickly. The point being i dont want a person who just texts and I want to make sure in person that she meets the quality's that I am looking for. I do need to hit the gym more as i still have around 100# to lose, that will come in time though. I just need to stay active. I did buy a bike and do go cycling which I find very fun and relaxing. Bike riding was something that I have not done since I was a teenager, so it brought back many of good memories.

There is a saying here that is passed around to become the person only a fool would leave, I agree with this action, but I will never personally think this way. I all I can do is act to the best of my abilities and let other people make that generalization. I will never think that she is a fool to not come back, because I am not one to say I am better than someone else she might meet. Also, I just do not care who she will meet now. I just hope it will be someone who will be nice to my daughter.

All I know is I deserve someone who will treat me better than she did. My heart is open again to meet someone new and love them, but I now have a boundary set that i will not be afraid to leave a relationship if that future person over steps that boundary.

I do know that she no longer has an effect over me or control me in any type of way. Which is probably why i am getting more attitude from her, but i dont react to it, I just stay calm and collective which seems to make her even more mad in the moment. I have become a man of action, try to live in the moment, and let my actions speak for who i am. A friend told me my ex has just given you the keys to your freedom, enjoy it.

So all in all, I am doing well and look forward to the future and what it may bring.

Rexgm