I guess thats one way for waywards to go through their grief... memory loss and forget what they did... It is a coping mechanism in a way, sort of like for someone who has been through some traumatic experience.
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
few weeks after i found out about the AP i did out her affair to her coworkers. She said i was being spiteful and trying to get her fired. I told her, I didnt do it because of spite. I did it to bring their relationship out from hiding and now she is free to either continue the affair or to end it. I just wanted to end the secret of it and to end the excitement of the secret rendezvous with it. she then said that its my fault that everyone now thinks she is a slut, i replied the marriage not working is partly my fault but her sleeping with someone else is completely on her. She is the one that decided to have an affair with a coworker in a higher position than her. she decided to do that so she should take the full responsibility of that decision. She then stated that we would never get back together. I said you already said we were done, and then i said so If i had not done that would you had been willing to work on the marriage and she said no, so I said what i did didnt change anything anyways. guess she doesnt see it that way lol
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
So this afternoon my daughter who is going to turn 5 soon comes up to me and says "daddy I wish I could have multiple mommy's" this totally caught me by surprise so I asked her why, she replies "so when mommy's busy I could have a mommy that's not busy can spend time with me."
Now since my wife has moved out she pretty much works 6 days a week to make ends meet. I know she doesn't spend a lot of time with my daughter and sometimes she takes my daughter with her to work.
My question is... is this something I should bring up with my w?
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
No, don't mention it, she won't be able to hear you. Just take it as:
1) You need to spend as much time as possible with your daughter, as she is feeling the fact that her mom's attention is elsewhere
2) If you do end up divorced and eventually in a new relationship, your daughter may not resent having a stepmom - which is a good thing
I do wonder where she got the idea from though - does she have friends who have stepmoms? If not, I wonder if your W hs planted the idea in her head somehow. Seems unlikely but....?
My nephew her 1st cousin is in his 30's " yeah I know I started late" has 4 kids, the oldest being 9. Is on his second marriage and he has two kids each with a different mother. So she probably got the idea from that.
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
I regressed today and asked my wife if she wanted to give MC a try. I let her know that i now understand how i failed her in the past and how my actions could of been seen as rejection and not meeting her needs. That even though I tried i now see that i didnt truy give her 100% of myself when she needed it. I also stated that i am not a mind reader and i needed her to tell me how exactly to support her when she needs it.
I didnt apologize and in my mind it was a way that i was giving her one last chance before truly moving on. It didnt matter to me what she answered because even if she wanted to do MC i didnt see it as reconciling but more of finding out if we have a chance at reconciling. I understand that its her decision to come back but it is my decision where we go from there.
By doing this i know it means i havent truly let go, but i needed to do this in my mind so that i could move on.
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
Gal has been going pretty well. Been hanging out with friends more and also spending more quality time with my daughter. My daughter had her B-day party and it went well. My W and I got along well and even hung out for a few moments.
Recently my W called and asked for more money to send my daughter to preschool at a private school. I said it would be a good change for her, but I wasnt able to give her anymore money. At this point she raged at me and said I was a horrible father. I see that as just a manipulation move on her part to try and get some more money for school from me. We talked this weekend and she asked if i could take my daughter for more time so that she could work more to pay for her prvt school. I told her I couldnt and that the arrangement we had, worked out good for both of us. This was after she asked me if she could have more days with our daughter which I told her no. She raged again and said I was a horrible father.
She then said that if I wasnt able to help her out then I should look for ways to earn more money. I then told her divorce wasnt easy but this is what she wanted. If we were not separated we could easily pay for the school and other things which fell on deaf ears i'm sure.
Anyways just looking for some thoughts on the matter.
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
Anyways just looking for some thoughts on the matter.
My thoughts are this- can you really not afford the private schooling or are you refusing to pay extra just to punish your W? If you can't afford it then that's fine, but if you can, then do what is right for your D. Your W is ranting and raving as a form of blackmail I'm sure, and that is petty and immature of her. Nevertheless, this is more about your D then it is about your W.
My finances are so tight right now I really cant afford it. I am currently looking at trying to sell my car and get a cheaper one with lower car payment.
M:43 W:33 M:10 T:11 D:6 BD 8/12/17 Divorce Final 1/23/2019
