My right wrist itches a bit where the "true love" tattoo I got a few years ago is slowly fading. I broke down and got it lasered early in the month. I go back in on Valentines Day (appropriate) for the second set of zapping that will possibly make it largely gone. It will probably cost about 3 times what it took to put it on to get rid of it and about 6 months of elapsed time. The science and chemistry involved is rather interesting (to me) but I won't bother boring my audience here.
Christmas is pretty much all organized. There are a couple of traditional stocking stuffers that I still need to get and some new traditions that need a touch more organizing. The cats and the tree have gotten along fine and thus far none of the sparse collection of ornaments have hit the floor. I expect that to change.
I have no idea what S23's plans are over Christmas as far as spending time with his mother or her family. I'm operating as if she doesn't exist. They are both adults and can figure out whatever they need to.
I send the spousal payments via interac e-transfer due on the 15th of each month. I sent the second one out last Wednesday on my pay-day when I usually pay my bills. I was worried by Friday when she hadn't picked it up (I get an automatic email) and was stressing a bit that I would have to write to her asking if there was a problem but last night at around 11:00pm I got the email. Now that there have been two payments go through with this method I no longer need to worry even if there are delays in her retrieving the funds. The process works.
This week we hit the "point of no return". Last week I signed the paperwork to close off the transfer of the house deed to my name (and paid the large associated bill). The other side needs to sign that for the deal to close on Wednesday the 20th. That day is also the due date for her to file for divorce according to the agreement. It may not happen on time because she isn't a very organized person. I'm unclear on the exact process but I believe that she needs to physically "serve" me the paperwork and then I ignore it and things just automatically close off. I hope she doesn't do it in person. I've been checking the mailbox by the door and nothing yet. According to what I've read I believe she can give it to S23 to pass on. I'm expecting this week to be pretty tough. Last week I had a weepy episode after signing the real-estate paperwork. Not nearly as bad as back at the beginning though.
I do stress a bit about her knocking on the door. Doing a bit of inappropriate mind-reading, as tough as this is on me, it must be worse for her. She has to initiate the divorce herself. She's living in her apartment by herself (I believe) and passes by the house with it's jolly Christmas decorations at least a couple of times / week. She would know that I'm still here alone with S23 and the home and family she left behind. I'm sure that the life she has isn't the one she imagined. She continues the unusual social media silence as far as I know as well. And before anyone asks - no - sadly the door is closed.
I have a trip to Cuba for a week scheduled for the start of February that I booked about a month ago. I'm going to the same inexpensive all-inclusive place that I used to go to when married. It will be weird going solo but I like that spot and will reclaim it. My barber was giving me a hard time yesterday suggesting that some unsupervised hedonism should be my focus there and thought me nuts when I explained how un-interested I was in that. I'm not a eunuch and perhaps there will be someone in my life that I can "dance the horizontal mambo" with in the future but count me as not interested in doing that with anyone where there isn't also an emotional connection.
"20 something" moved in to the village a month or two ago with her current boyfriend and his younger brother. I don't think things are going well. I don't really care for the guy much and when he couch-surfed here for a month or so a number of years ago I found him thoughtless and entitled. It appears that he hasn't changed. I've seen a few posts sent to me on SnapChat and Instragram where she's been complaining about the state of affairs and did send her a note saying that if she needs it that we have room here. I think she thought I might have been suggesting something inappropriate and I did have to back-pedal and explain. Given her temperament, past history, the fact that she has a relationship already and the age difference she's certainly not on the dance partner list but she's a nice kid and I like her. On the other hand she's quite pretty and rather well endowed...
As far as my own romantic prospects go there really aren't any. I've been maintaining a friendly relationship with the nice lady at the flower shop and a couple of others. One of the engineers at work who has previously been a bit distant going through her own tough divorce and I got chatting and joking about our mutual "adventures in housekeeping" last week which was nice. Considering how long I've been out of the dating pool and the fact that my last relationship was started with intense pursuit and love-bombing by my STBX I really have no idea how normal modern relationships start.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Hi Andrew, glad to hear you are getting your tattoo sorted, it will be good to have that gone I think. And sorry if things are a bit rough at the moment. It isn't easy when you reach the final stages of things like deed transfer and filing for D - plus it's the holiday season too.
I can remember watching the post box for ages. XH said he would file and then I think it was six months or so before I got the paperwork - and when I did it came by email! So, lots of watching the postbox for something that never arrived there anyway - gah!
In the main though, whilst things may not feel easy, I do think you have come a long way and seem to be in a generally good place, which is credit to you. I hope you can relax and enjoy the festive season, with some new traditions, as much as possible.
x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks for the update and wish you the best. I can only imagine the emotions of closing things out. Good thing you were able to shed a few tears. I think that’s a healthy part of grieving. I’m jealous. May you be able to enjoy Christmas the best that you can. Peace!
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
GalPal - I'm going to Varadero. There are a number of similar mid-priced hotels along the strip in the town itself. If you go out of town they are nicer but more pricey and you can't walk around as easily which I like to do. If you check TripAdvisor you should be able to find some helpful reviews.
The older hotels in the town are generally in somewhat poor repair especially the cheaper ones.
It's costing me about $1400 Canadian for 7 days including flight from Toronto. If I recall correctly it was about $1800 as a couple.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Yes, having things finalize the week before Christmas is very difficult. I know from personal experience. I actually counted the days, and ours should have been final on 12/21, but I found out it was actually final on 12/23 when I paid for the final decree (isn't that nice, we have to give the state money to get the official notice). Either way, this is a tough one. However, you've done the work. You are doing much better than even you probably know.
It's completely normal to shed a few tears around this. I would be worried if you did not. I also applaud your decision to forgo the horizontal mambo without emotional attachment.
Yes, I too find modern dating to be a mystery. The last time I was free was 1989!!! That seems a very long time ago. Things are vastly different now. It's ok, we will figure it out.
I'm glad you've booked a vacation for yourself and are going through with the tattoo removal. Trust me, once this passes and you go through the associated grieving process the other side will be very peaceful indeed. You've worked hard and are such a kind soul - I know you will find serenity waiting for you. It's very close now, Andrew. I promise!!! Sending light to guide you and hugs. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
On Wednesday the real-estate portion of the settlement went through and I am now the sole owner of my home and a large cheque has presumable been cut to my STBX. Interestingly looking at the paperwork she didn't use the same lawyer she'd been using through the separation but rather a guy closer by. I suspect again that this confirms that she had gotten good advice on what lawyer to pick for the negotiations.
A quick email to my insurance broker and the house insurance is now in my name only too.
One more rope cut. I sat up a bit late on Wednesday night with a bottle of wine and a big bowl of popcorn watching Christmas movies. Yesterday I was bloated and uncomfortable with a counter full of dirty dishes. I think I'm allowed.
According to the terms of the settlement, divorce should be filed by now and I'm just waiting to be served. I'm rather stressed about that as I am sure everyone can imagine.
SIL1 let me know that STBX was tagged in some Facebook photos of a 30th anniversary party for one of her guy's friends. She was by far the youngest one there I was told. Thankfully I didn't see the picture. According to my SIL on her own Facebook profile, the most recent photos are still of her and I. I'm sure that there are plausible explanations being given.
When I got home last night I was surprised to see S23 home rather than at his job at the pub and that the pub was dark. It turns out that one of the owners died suddenly a day or so ago. It's sad. They guy was perhaps my age or maybe a bit younger. No clue what this means for the longer term. I've suggested that I'll pick up a card and that if we find out when / where the funeral is that we'll do the appropriate things. I'm not sure how S23 is taking things. He's very closed and always has been. Rather like his mother that way I think. Even though I'm an introvert, I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve.
Fortunately we don't rely on S23's income to make ends meet and I expect that he will only have his occasional construction work until things at the pub get sorted out. They might not though. I don't think the place was making much money.
My house is all Christmassy and plans are in place for a nice roast duck basted in sherry for Christmas dinner. I am presuming that S23 will be sharing that with me. No clue what if any plans he and his mother may have made and given that they are rather alike and that I believe that S23 still hasn't done any shopping there may well be no plans. I've gone ahead and just presumed that he will be with me - sometimes treating things as a fait accompli is the best way to get things done. I'm working from home today a half-day so this afternoon may be playing taxi driver.
Since STBX's "bulldog" lawyer was the one who was to do the divorce filings and there doesn't appear to be any regret or remorse on the other side I expect things to be processed perhaps already. I'm not going to follow-up or nag and I am preparing myself for a final kick in the gut when that happens. There will probably be another bottle of wine involved. I removed STBX's contact information from all my devices some time ago and really have no urge to talk to her about anything. From the silence I would presume she feels the same way.
Then I turn my face forward and try to put the last nearly 30 years behind me.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I am glad that you've gotten the house in your name and can now move forward. Hopefully things will continue to progress and you can close this chapter of your life and begin a new one. Of course, the old chapter will have a lot of memories for you, a lot of them good and a few not so good. You have two beautiful children that you share w/her and there will be times when your paths cross in a small town as well as family events down the road...but no one knows where your road will lead you...but I think it's going to be a good one where you will find love once again...but not for a while.
As for her switch up on lawyers, it could have been that lawyer number one had had enough of her or she got tire of him telling her what or what not she could do and she moved on to another one. My xh did that and his first lawyer knew exactly what he was going through and finally told him just before our divorce hearing to find someone knew and the person he got wasn't even from the same law firm. Whatever the reason, I am hoping that he won't drag his feet and will get this moving along.
I am sure your home looks beautiful for the holidays and your meals will be delicious as always. My wish for you is that you have a Merry Christmas and think about how your next chapter in your life's book will begin. I can't wait to read the beginning of it!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Andrew, good job moving along. It will doubtless be nice when it is over. I hope some day I get my signed agreement so the D itself is uneventful and only 3 months in duration. Make some nice new traditions. That is my goal this season.
Hey AP! Glad things are moving along for you and you are letting certain things go. I can definitely relate to leaving dirty dishes until the next morning! Not a day went by when I didn't make sure that all crockery and cuttlery was collected from all around the house, the dishwasher loaded and switched on before bed. Post BD, it has taken me a while but I am not so fussed about leaving things until the next day!
AP, I just wanted to thank you for all your support and making me laugh sometimes even when we know your are hurting. I wish you a very happy Christmas and hope that you have lots if love and happiness in 2018!! Xx
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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