Yes....if she was banging some other dude then I would file. If she is why wouldn't she want me to know? Why keep it a secret? Plan B is the only thing I can think of. When should we get tired of being plan B? I am good with D...it doesn't scare me like it did 7 mths ago.
Throughout my entire sitch the W has been the one to pull the strings. She wanted a D, she wanted to move out, etc. Sure I sped it up, made some financial decisions, etc. but ultimately she was the one that wanted to go. I don't think she has really been faced with the prospect of me moving on and the real potential of loosing me. That is what I struggle with the most. That no matter how I don't pursue, engage, and all the stuff we talk about she still knows in the back of her head that I am there. I don't know what to do to change that.
In my sitch, if my W is to experience some loss IMO me filing could potentially be that loss. I agree not a tactic but how do you know when? She can file at any time....we don't have to be separated for a year in my state. Once the papers are filed though there is a 2 mth grace period. Is this dance just supposed to continue for ever? I mean $hit, I'm a young man. Bumble is starting to call my name
I am also starting to experience some resentment and loss of respect for her as well. I feel the resentment when I think about it being 7 months and not filing. This is what you wanted make it happen. Don't puss out on me now.....own it, man up, time to rock-n-roll.....don't throw something like this out there and wimp out. Trust me I am not begging for it but over time you start to feel resigned to your fate. Crap or get off the pot.
I guess to sum it up I am starting to run out of patience and am getting restless. I probably need to step up the GAL to get my mind off of the sitch. Then I think about looking weak.
I think you've captured a lot of the gray in this and just dealing with a lot of unknowns.
How do you find out if you're still Plan B or if she's done? Is there an A or not? Why isn't she filing? Is she second-guessing? Is she okay being in limbo?
(btw, I just found out today from a lawyer friend of mine that people can file six months in a separation, as it takes roughly six months to get to the court; wonder if W knows that)
I feel the same way about D being thrown around. She told me that is what she wanted twice after BD. So, what's holding her back?
I think I have a similar problem - how does she genuinely experience the loss? I don't feel DBing is doing that yet, and I have been good with the NC/Dark, even recently when I changed the approach a bit. I am still not pursuing and no R talks, so dunno what's going to give in this situation.
I strongly feel that my W has rationalized BD and subsequent actions as this is something that's good for both of us, but I don't see it yet. So, with me being happier and not an emotional wreck, she thinks she was justified in her decision and made the hard decision for both of us as it was going to be better. The NC/Dark then justifies it even more for her.
I seriously don't know why I am trying to get her back at this moment. I am wondering if you're in the same place.
I have no clue and I guess that is the piece that no one can answer.....the ultimate question of when you are done. H$ll M you are even younger than me........at your age you should be on Tinder
In the 6 months that I have been DBing the only change I can see is that her stance is softening. I don't see the anger or resentment in her eyes any more. If I text her something she will respond back, earlier on I would get nothing. I have also noticed her touching me more. Earlier on if we touched or she got too close she would pull back. I sort of feel she is starting to unwind but is that enough progress to continue????
I seriously don't know why I am trying to get her back at this moment. I am wondering if you're in the same place.
L asked me the same question. Do I miss my W or do I just miss the family unit being together. The longer this goes on the more distant I get from her and I start to miss the family unit even more. Even though it has only been 6 months it seems like forever and at times it is hard to imagine us coming back together to make it work.
When she first moved out she had a Good Reads account that my mom and her where friends on(sort of like Facebook) and was reading books entitled the Ethical Slut and 50 Ways To Talk Dirty to Your Lover.
This happened within the first month of her moving out, I did approach her about the books and she made up some excuse/denied they meant anything. The funny thing is that she deleted her account. The general advice on the board at the time was circumstantial evidence and you can't convict based on what someone is reading. Also to be careful because it might cause her to take it more underground.
So I meant to say intentions by the books she was reading.
haha Tinder yeh. Well, will cross that bridge when the time comes. The whole online thing is such a foreign world to me that I will have to see when I am ready. It sounds kinda scary right now lol.
The only thing I have also seen is her softening over time. But, that doesn't mean $hit. As someone had pointed out, that could just be because of not putting any pressure. If that leads her to thinking that 'oh we can be friends now' - well f&*k that.
I miss the family unit piece more than anything right now too. I've had moments in the last few weeks where I've been nostalgic about intimacy and just having a close connection with her. That can be gained with someone else, but just the thought of starting from scratch just sounds exhausting - like I gotta tell a new person about my whole life.
I just read Blu and Storm's latest posts and piecing just sounds exhausting as well. So, either way, a lot of work needs to be done ahead.
I think I am getting closer to the point where if an A is confirmed and there is/was an OM, I'm probably done. It's not a reaction to the A, but just a combination of things and getting to a better place for myself. She can go sort herself out and I could care less.
I hear ya....I did snoop early on. Checked her cell phone records, who she was texting, I could also see pictures she was uploading to the Cloud but found no evidence of OM. I figured I would see a bunch of messages going back and forth, and pictures of her and him. Found nothing.......I did that for about a month after she moved out but it got the point to where it wasn't helping me emotionally and it was quite exhausting. I finally got to the point to where I didn't think about doing it any more and it really didn't matter.
Yeah I know what you're saying. At this point, I have no snooping abilities to find out anything. So, then it just comes down to me and what I want and where I am at. I know you're riding out the holidays and maybe you'll get something from her or not. If you don't, then 2018 will be a decision making year.
It will be interesting if she wants to spend the night at the house Christmas Eve or not. She already indicated Christmas Eve we would do something together as a family. I surely don't want to get into this discussion on Christmas Eve....that would not be a good Segway to take a ride on the J9 Fun Bus.
She is going to her brother's house in Cali for New Years Eve and coming back on Jan 5th. I guess she doesn't want to spend New Years ringing it in with OM So maybe we will end up discussing when she returns.
Who knows. Going out tonight with some friends so looking forward to that.
