IMO one of two things will happen. She will continue to lose respect for him because he is allowing her to disrespect him and their marriage as she waits to see if Plan A OM works out. If plan A doesn't work out then she goes back to plan B until another plan A comes along.
Now if he kicks her cheating a$$ out or leaves himself then maybe she realizes down the road she made a mistake and PEW really is plan A.
When someone changes the terms of a relationship that you do not agree with, the strongest tool is to walk away and never look back.
I know it's scary as h$ll, but IMO it's the only way.
Once again W knows legally you can't kick her out. And I honestly have no where to go. Plus the legal ramifications don't work in my favor. So we literallyvfind ourselves sucking it up until the divorce gets finalized.
As far as I know my W is having an A with an OM. She has kept it under wraps more lately but I know better. I have not looked into what would be in store if I left as I could not afford to move out right now. Getting my raise a week ago is a first step into being able to afford different possibilities for me in the future. I am focused now in lowering my debt to make a move out possible.
So it has been a few months since my last postings due to the fact that coming to the boards kept me feeling depressed with what is going on in my life and how many others are going through the exact same misery. I am journaling today because I am confused on how I should proceed and what others think about what is currently going on.
So about 2 months ago my W stops going out during the week. Then a few weeks after that she doesn’t want to go out on the weekend either. All the while she has been interacting with me more and more. She calls me several times during the day to talk. She has also been making sure to make physical contact with me at night while we are going to sleep. Usually she will wrap her foot or leg around my foot or leg. Then for the past 2 weeks she has been asking me to come back into bed in the morning to cuddle for a little bit before I go into work.
One morning while we were cuddling she pauses and says that she is sorry for everything she has done and how she feels she has messed everything up. I try my best to validate what she is feeling without pushing the conversation. She then pushes herself tight into me and just puts her arms around me. I honestly will admit that this caught me off guard. She seemed like she would never take any ownership with what she was doing and I have to say that the tone of how she expressed herself seemed to be truly heartfelt.
Since then, I find her choosing to sit or lay close to me or on my lap when we are on the couch. She also wanted to hold my hand while we were playing with our S8. I have been slowly getting a little more intimate with caressing her while we are cuddling and she has been open and receptive to my touch. She really hasn’t initiated and intimate physical contact except for the spooning each other but she doesn’t pull away or try to stop me either.
I have also noticed a major shift in tone and attitude towards me. When my son would get out of hand and aggravated her it always got redirected towards me but now I see her deal with my son when it happens and then be open and calm to me. She doesn’t try and overstep what I am saying to my son and if we get mad for whatever reason we talk about it once we have cooled off instead of letting it stew. I have been letting her take the lead in coming around to me but I have also started mirroring her and initiating similar interactions without going beyond.
We have not had any further relationship discussions as I do not want to bring it up and she has not said anything to the fact that she wants to work on us either. Does anyone have any idea of what she might be thinking or doing at this point? I have been receptive to these changes and I am trying to just figure out if there is anything more I need to her doing at this point.
Does anyone have any idea of what she might be thinking or doing at this point?
PEW,
I know in the past you were not receptive to my opinions but I will give you one more.
IMO this is exactly what happens when we talk about plan B. Her plan A fell through and now on to plan B.
IMO you have to have the hard talk right now and she has to show remorse, get into IC and earn your trust back. If you sweep it under the rug you will be back in the same situation in the future when she finds another plan A.
LH, I agree with needing her to feel remorse and she truly sounded like she was sorry for how things went down. I can also state the fact that he was still texting her all the time and asking her to go out and she was the one saying she couldn't because she was busy. I admit I snooped on her phone when her attitude started changing.
I also admit that I was not ready at the time to for anything more drastic such as separation. I did however, a few weeks after I stopped posting, have a talk with her about looking into going our own ways and not being able to continue like this. I was calm when I talked to her and gave her options as to how we can proceed with the house to make it easier for the transition. I also did not want her using it as an excuse as to why she couldn't leave.
LH, I agree with needing her to feel remorse and she truly sounded like she was sorry for how things went down.
Sorry for what? Did she admit to the affair? If this is not addressed appropriately you will have communicated to her that its ok for her to cheat and when the A doesn't work out she can comeback and apologize and you'll be good with it.
LH, I agree with needing her to feel remorse and she truly sounded like she was sorry for how things went down. I can also state the fact that he was still texting her all the time and asking her to go out and she was the one saying she couldn't because she was busy. I admit I snooped on her phone when her attitude started changing.
LH is still correct... even if she was the one to end Plan A (if it has ended) you are still Plan B... OM doesn't have to be the one to dump her for her to consider you Plan B... no matter what, you are Plan B... and she will find another OM as long as she sees you that way... i had 4 OMs--two EAs and two PAs... almost one right after the other...
LH and Arista, she never specifically said she was sorry about the affair just what she has done in general. I do know we need to talk about her affair, I guess I am trying to figure out what is the best way to have this talk. I didn't want to damage anything if this was her way of reconnecting but I do see that a talk is needed.
