We have more in common, my first name is David as well. David was a king. And so are you. You have given your W a lot of space and time to think out what is going on. You have let her taste what's its like to be on her own. You might be right in your assesstment about her not being able to pull the trigger. My W told me she wasn't never going to leave me and she knew it.(I dont know if I believe her) but that's what she told me. She told me she was so hurt and her mind was so clouded so couldn't think straight.
I have faith in your M and will pray for you and every person on this forum.
People are meant to harbor ill will it makes them sick. You can forgive your wife, because life is fickle and so are people. When we get married there's never anything That Tells us how thick is going to get, but through thick and thin is right. And us on this forum is right in the thick of it.
Was cold up there by you all. Has the snow melted yet. It melted down here bybus in SA and was in the 60s. Crazy weather.
M:37 W:37 T:11 M:10 S17, S13, S10, S4 BD:06/28/17 OM confirmed 07/20/17 Recon the M 10/29/17 Working hard:2gether
Onward and forward
This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
J9, This is an amazing post! It pretty much sums up how , I believe, almost everyone here feels. Thanks for posting this! I go through muchthe same cycle. Sad, mad, ok, and sometimes I wonder why I spent so much time and energy chasing someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with me at the moment. I have actually caught myself asking do I really want to be with someone who treated me so horribly? I deserve better than I have been given. Then other days I love her and would take her back in a minute.It’s funny, I was talking to someone else the other day and said, “ You know, we love our wives, but when something like this happens all of a sudden, despite the sting of betrayal, mental and emotional abuse, and all that goes with being a LBS, we love them more than anything in the world. We love them so much we are willing to overlook the fact that another man has taken our place as a partner and lover, and nothing we can do will make them see that is the wrong choice...the ironic part for me is that I was one of those guys who swore that if I ever found out she was cheating she’d be out the door quicker than f&$k. Different tune when it actually happens and you see your family disintegrate before your eyes. Thanks again J9. Praying for ya Buddy!
M 51 W 46 D14 S13 M 16yrs T17yrs BD 06/25/17 OM Confirmed 06/25/17, ILYBNILWY Did Sep for 1 month, moved back in due to W Finances
Great stuff folks! I really enjoyed reading all of your insights into this maddening thing.
J9 - just like your W, I believe mine does not have it in her to file for D. She broke down when I had mentioned doing a legal separation agreement. But, again, maybe I am wrong and she will follow through next year.
Part of me just wants this to be over with. I know that going through this discomfort is good and is about personal growth, but I just don't want it to drag on. My timeline is until June next year, when I can legally file for D if I want. That's roughly the timeline I have given myself to accomplish all my physical goals and some mental/emotional ones. I don't know what it will be like by then but I just don't know if I'll have the strength to stand for the MR after that.
gw - yeah I go through similar cycles as well with sadness, anger, being ok, and then wondering why I'd want someone who doesn't want me and didn't even give me a chance. I guess that's the piece that really bothers me is that I wasn't even allowed a chance. Like WTF? Makes me feel like I was some plague that she had to get away from.
I finally put up the lights in my room J. It's real nice and I will be psyched to bring a lady up to my room when the time comes. Sets the mood real nice
JJ - Again, thanks for the kind words. I have prayed many hours myself and will definately accept any and all! I don't know if my assessment is accurate but I cycle between being hopeful and gradually losing hope. We were with some family friends last night and this family was with my W on Thanksgiving. The family freind commented to me that my W made the statement that she was considering selling her engagement ring because she was never going to wear it again and needed the money to pay for the D. I have no doubt she probably said it but I try to remember to believe nothing they say. It doesn't make much sense either. 1 month ago she wants to sit down and discuss moving forward and now she is think about selling her ring? She also made the comment to our friend that we haven't discussed moving forward yet because there is never a good time with the kids around. Again, that doesn't make much since to me since she had no problems coordinating time to be alone when she wanted to move out but now she is having problems with it??? Again, trying hard to stick to not believing their words but actions. To me it just sounds like a bunch of excuses. Some times I also think she just wanted a vacation.
GW - Thanks dude, you have had it rougher with than me so I send prayers your way as well. The cycling is definately real, I don't deserve this, ready to move on, then i think of the kids and it just continues. I am not an angry or bitter person by nature so that part I have always had control over. I just trust and hope to have clarity in the next 6 months one way or another.
M - I bet those lights are money! Good work! When i think about throwing in the towel I then think it has only been 6 months. Would I be quiting the journey too soon? Like starting the race but not finishing. Like if I was going to cut bait after 6 months I just should have done it when she first moved out.
Hang in their brother and take it day by day. I’m not sure why your friends would tell you that especially with Christmas right around the corner but whatever.
No matter what happens you fought an unbelievable fight for you daughters and they will realize that someday.
You’re a great dad and an inspiration to many on this board. You will figure this all out and move on and have a great life one way or another!
Thanks L trying real hard. I appreciate the kind words. Trying to stay in the moment and not believe her words or what she tells other people. I am sure she trying to do her own justification in her head.
Just trying to observe her actions. Not sure what to think any more so I am going to try real hard to not think of anything.
W just came to the house and picked up the kids for the week. My oldest is such a champ, my youngest is so sweet and when she comes up to hug me goodbye for the week it is crushing. Just the way she says good bye daddy us heart breaking.
I just have to believe there is a bigger purpose a higher meaning to all of this.
I have read your whole sitch from day 1, you deserve to be happy like anyone else and I have seen you make some incredible efforts to sae your M, I thank you b/c you actually help me too. Time will tell how this works out but without a doubt you are going to be a better stronger person.
I was a teacher at one time and I can tell you the faculty room at lunch time is nothing but a soap opera.
M:52 W:49 D:26 S:24 S:23 D:20 ILYBNILWY 5/28/17 Still living together W filed 1/5/18 W moved out 8/24/18 D final 9/18/20
Thanks Happy I am glad that you have been following and have learned something from me. That definately is a pick me up and re-enforces that I have carried myself dignity, pride and self-respect. I hope that I can be a success story but the longer this goes on doubt creeps in. I have heard a couple people mention the 6 month wndow and how it gets really hard to recon after that point so I feel my window is shrinking.
Ah yes, the old lunch room drama. My W has surrounded herself with those teachers who have been enablers for her. Most of which are D or are going through similiar situations of separation. To an outsider it makes me feel that they think they are doing the cool thing, living this trendy, middle aged care-free lifestyle. Uncoupling, co-parenting, not happy being in a loving family and growing old together. I only hope that my W will find her way.
Yeah I have heard the six month thing too, but then there are folks who have had a shot at recon much later than that. I am not trying to cling to false hope or anything like that, but the first six months seem too short - I mean we're still trying to achieve some equilibrium in that time and dunno if the WW/WH spend that time trying to figure themselves out.
I also know that W has a buncha D enabling people around her and that carefree lifestyle crap. The bitter part of me can't wait for the day that regret hits their a$$es. I know it's not the greatest mindset, but there needs to be some space for revenge - in my case, I am going to be so effin' awesome that she'll regret not even trying. That's helping me to be motivated.
