Gordie: waiting for MLC W to sign the D papers

[Gordie]

Andrew,

Thanks for the encouragement. I definitely want this signed in 2017. So here’s the update:

Discussed again with L. Proposed a meet in the middle solution to STBX. She verbally agreed. He will write it up and then send it to her L for her to sign.

Happy Thanksgiving. I am going to do my best to be upbeat and cheery and thankful tomorrow despite the situation.

Let’s be thankful:

I didn’t kill myself. I maintained my dignity. I didn’t lose my mind. I didn’t lose my faith. I didn’t give in to anger and despair.

I didn’t give into crazy ideas like an open M. I remained faithful to my beliefs and my M vows. I still believe in love and M.

I am a better listener. I am more aware of my actions and attitudes. I am less conflict avoidant.

I am a better and more involved father with 50/50 custody. I love my kids and my kids love me.

I got unbelievable support through my process. I found out who some of my true friends were. I met all of you!

Yes, lots to be handful for, lots...

[Gordie]

Journaling:

So stbx asked me to pick up some from the grocery store for Thanksgiving so I did so. I walk in the door and she is all dolled up and has her coat on and announces to all of us that she is going to the mall. I don’t think any of us believed her. Make the kids dinner. Put kids to bed. Kids ask when is mom coming home? I say I don’t know. Clean up the house and get ready for bed. W comes in cheerily and tries to chit chat and I go to bed.

[roist]

Sorry this is dragging out on you. Maybeyou should nothave explained the financial running of the house before signing! But in all probability she would have come back for more anyway.

Don't give in just to get this over with. I understand that mustbe tempting.Buy this agreement will determine in many ways your standard of living and that of your kids. Hold firm if it is important to you and for that.

Best wishes and happy thanksgiving

[OwnIt]

Gordie:

It is a hard day no doubt. No words of wisdom. I've had some tears today. Holidays are so difficult.

It is almost impossible to negotiate with someone who is disordered. This is why I abandoned my own efforts to get a signed separation contract. I hope that you have more luck. The difference is that she wants money from you. Mine is paying well so no reason to push it. I hope you get this worked out soon so that you can move out and find some peace.

[Gordie]

Roist,

If she signs this amended agreement, I can live with it. Financially, I can deal with it. Custody-wise, I got everything I wanted and that was most important to me.

Ownit,

Holidays are hard and a few weeks ago didn’t want to be here for Thanksgiving but then she asked and I consulted with a deal friend who had a WW and he said do it for the kids and like Ginger said, if it [censored] for you, you’re taking a bullet for them.

Journaling:

Well, Thanksgiving was a success in my book. I think I’m gettting closer to acceptance. I treated stbx with kindness, as the mother of my children. I focused on making this a great day for them. Stbx left for a few hours in the middle of the day which pissed off the teens but I was surprisingly unemotional about it. I just enjoyed the time with the kids without her. No one asked where she went or why, we all just rolled with it.

***

I see now that when stbx dropped the bomb on me, she was ready to move her EA to a PA. In her mind because it was after b d, it’s not cheating or adultery. I didn’t learn this from my own situation (too close to the action) but from others. A friend even had her stbx propose to OW before their D was final and he tells everyone he never cheated.

I am also getting to that LBS place where I think there may not be a road back to reconciliation after D. She has changed into a totally different person and I’m not sure I would want to spend the rest of my life with this version of her. But that’s not even an option right now, so no need to think too much about that. But thinking those thoughts makes it easier to let go of this M. I just wish the kids didn’t have to after through all of this.

I hope all of you out there had a good of a day as possible. I prayed especially for all of you, particularly those separated and divorced against their wishes, and all of your children who are suffering through all of this too. Peace be with you.

[Gordie]

Journaling:

I take the kids to a family event tonight. Stbx is on a date with OM2. I see lots of my stbx’s old friends and all ask where is stbx? I’m still covering up for her and say she wasn’t able to make it. None of them know we are about to get D. I guess shortly, I will just say something like “I guess you haven’t heard that we’re divorced now” ... I still can’t believe the woman who wouldn’t miss a single family event now prefers to spend her time with OM2, but it’s my reality so why does my heart still ache when out as the single dad? I guess it just doesn’t seem right to me, to be there without stbx and surrounded by all of the intact families.

[Vapo]

I say drop the bomb. F that $hit...

[Gordie]

Vapo,

I was tempted to say, “ o stbx is out with her BF” ... but no, I didn’t say that.

***

Journaling:

Everyone says holidays are hard. And yeah, living through it and seeing why. Stbx has taken this break from work to spend every possible minute with OM2 including sleepovers. Trying to spend enjoyable time with the kids, to be my best for them. Trying to win stbx back is no longer a motivator but still have fantasies of her waking up at the 11th hour and saying “what the f have I done???” ... but know that is just a fantasy and then bring myself back to the reality of my life. One of my kids matter of factly remarked that stbx never comes to his events and she had nothing to say. My peak anger and frustaration has passed (I think) but think for the kids it is building and will more so after the d is final and it becomes public gossip (we are a well known family in a small town). I wish I could protect them from all of this.

[Gordie]

From Chris’s thread: Look up dday101798 . Here's a link to the recon post that happened 6 months after D:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1781811&page=74

Here are a few others that someone else posted a while back:

Notlikingthis

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2515648&page=1

upside

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2260170#Post2260170

Freckle

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2735806#Post2735806

[Gordie]

Journaling:

So stbx came back after two days with OM2 and just jumped back into family life. I am trying not to rock the boat until this agreement gets signed but I am tired of constantly serving cake. Right now she has OM2 and then family life whenever she decides. It’s tiresome and awkward for me and the teens. Let’s get this signed this week and move on to the next chapter.