I have a month to contemplate but if I end up doing it I would probably say something along the lines of you approached me at the end of October saying you were ready to move forward but you never responded to my answer of lets get together to discuss. Is this what you still want? If so, we need move forward. Schedule the appointment with the mediator, let me know when I will be there.
I agree, I feel the same way today so like everyone says wait and see if you have the same consistent feelings for a month.
About month or so ago I was fairly optimistic but as time has gone on my hope is starting to diminish. With no OM picture I am afraid my W was completely done the moment she walked out the door and never had any intentions of coming back no matter what I did.
I think when she started to be a nicer, more engaging to me combined with no following through on her text about mediation I got a little wind in my sails again. I never pursued or changed my behavior but I think it got me thinking there could be some hope.
I think she hasn't filed because you haven't putting any pressure on her. You should be proud because it is so hard for the LBS not to pursue.
Last January my W said she was starting to feel trapped living in my house. Now she is asking me if she can live there longer. Why? Because I don't give a F what she does anymore. I give her all the space she needs. Will that stop the D? Probably not but it's been almost a year and apparently she's not trapped anymore.
Thanks L...I am proud of how I have conducted myself so far. I really have not pursued at all since about the first month after she left. I truly believe I have given her a ton of space and freedom. For example, when she missed our youngest Basketball game last weekend I didn't call her to remind her or text her to ask where she was at, etc. It's not my responsibility any more so I know she is aware. She still felt the need to apologize to me, I don't know why but I told no need to apologize to me apologize to our D.
I also notice little things like looking over my shoulder when I am texting someone and quickly looking away when I notice, or still letting me know when she is leaving my side to go to the bathroom or things like that. Some times I wonder if she is more attached then what she leads on to believe. Who knows, mind reading.
Anyway, like you I don't think I ever stood a chance. Not sure if there is anything I could have done to stop this train from rolling but I will see how I feel in a month.
Hi all, something cool happened to me last night at my D's basketball practice and it is a good step for me. I have played basketball my entire life and it is a sport that I am pretty good at and I always knew I would be good at teaching the kids. Before BD I had thought about coaching my D's teams but with all that was going on I didn't think it was the right time. So while at practice last night my D's coach comes up and asks me if I would be willing to help him out with practice and there are a few games he won't be able to attend.
The old me probably would have shyed away however I thought it was a good time to get my feet wet so I accepted his offer. It was really cool being out there on the court teaching 6 yr olds the game I have loved my entire life. The look on my D's face was priceless. It also made me feel good when my W showed up and she saw me out there on the court helping instruct them.
Any way just wanted to share as it was a really positive experience.
Hey all still feeling like I am done it has been a few days and the feelings have not gone away. I am starting to get the feeling that my W is perfectly fine being in this situation and the longer it goes on I start to wonder if I am enabling an open MR which is something I am not ok with. When she moved out dating other people was never discussed because she wanted a D. I never would have imagined at the time, almost 7 months later and nothing has really changed.
My oldest D had a soccer game last night that I took her to so my W could stay home with our youngest. I asked my D how her week was and she told me that her and our youngest had spent the night at 1 of my W's friends place. "When I asked I wasn't expecting her to say what she said, I was expecting to get stuff about school, homework, things like that." This is my W's friend that recently left her husband as well and is now living in a condo. I know her friend and we hung out many times together as couples so I am not concerned about the friend. I just thought it was interesting that my W would have them spend the night on a school night, in the middle of the week. When I first heard my D mention it I immediately thought she must of had a date. I guess the mind always assumes the worst. My D said she was up until midnight (that could be 10 pm to an 8 yr old I guess) and then the friend took them out for pancakes the next morning. So that struck me as kind of odd but I didn't pry and ask her what was mommy doing or anything like that. I just said I bet you had fun and left it at that.
So after the game as we were driving home my W texted me and asked if I could make sure that our oldest took her soccer gear off so she could go to bed because she thought she would be exhausted. I replied back and said yes she is tired and indicated she mentioned she was up late last night, that she was also hungry and I just left it that. I expected my W to come back with some reply or explanation but just responded with ok, like it didn't phase her or it was no big deal.
I guess it is $hit like this that I am going to have to get used to moving forward. Looking back I probably shouldn't of said anything so I know it's an opportunity to do better in the future because I know it will happen again.
I wonder if me bringing it up goes hand in hand with not giving a $hit any more and gradually becoming indifferent?
I wonder if me bringing it up goes hand in hand with not giving a $hit any more and gradually becoming indifferent?
Joseph,
I don't understand your question. Clearly, your wife is moving on and you should do the same. Your circumstances are unfortunate, but you do have a choice. You can wallow in sadness and pain on you can build a wonderful life ensconced in happiness.
When you start to feel indifference and not caring as much about what you say, your word choice, etc. and you find yourself emotionally not caring as much are those the signs that normally come with moving on and being ready for D? Is it like a light bulb going turning on in your head? Like the ah ha moment?
